The other day I was at work, and this girl comes up. She’s looking at the salads in the display. They’re packed in ice. She picks one up, looks it over, looks at me.
“Is the chicken hot?”
I tried not to laugh, “Ma’am, they’re packed in ice…”.
“Oh. So it’s cold then?”
Some people never learn…
“There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.”
“What’s a noun?” - from a Honors English student in the 11th grade.
WELL STOP IT!
I’m sorry about the shouting, but you know what? it doesn’t actually help.
Redboss
Setup: A HS friend of mine (“Betty”) had a little sister (“Veronica”) who, shall we say, wasn’t quite the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Anyway, Veronica’s on a synagogue youth group trip and calls Betty, all excited:
V: Betty, guess-what-guess-what?
B: [oh no] What, Veronica…
V: I-broke-my-nose-I-BROKE-MY-NOSE!!!
B: uh…huh…?
V: Well, a bunch of us were, like, playing around in the hotel room? And somebody pushed my head into the coffee table? and I, like, BROKE MY NOSE!
B: Oh.
V: Well, doncha see? I GET A FREE NOSE JOB!!
B: Ohhhhhhhhh. Um, congratulations. I guess.
So Veronica has a nice shiksa-ski-slope nose installed, courtesy of the youth group’s insurance company. A couple of weeks later Betty is driving Veronica to the doctor to have the splints removed, and Veronica asks,
Now, Betty, when I grow up, will my kids get my old nose, or my new nose?