They’re predicting freezing rain tomorrow, and I thought if aliens landed here, they would skedaddle because of things that we take for granted:
• Sometimes water pours down from the sky.
• Sometimes frozen water pours down from the sky.
• Sometimes part of the earth just explodes. Or shakes everything.
• It gets hot or cold enough to goddam kill you.
• A lot of the Earth is covering in water, which, let’s face it, you can’t live in.
• Tornadoes. Hurricanes. Lightening!
• Wild, poisonous animals that will kill you and eat you!!
Pretty scary, hostile planet, but we take all this for granted, because we’re used to it. What other ghastly things might happen on out planet that would horrify us to think about but—in a few thousand years—we’d just shrug, “oh, yeah, that?”
This is nothing like what it’s like on some other planets. If you get bored some time, take a flip through some NASA web sites.
Some of the high-lights off the top of my head:
Venus: Surface temperature hot enough to melt lead. Clouds are made of acid. Not a good place to work on your tan. Plus the sun rises backwards.
Mars: 50 degree temperature differences between ankle height and neck level. Dust storms that cover most of the hemisphere and last months. Dust tornadoes a mile high. No princesses to rescue that we know of.
Jupiter: Storms with lightning strong enough to fry entire cities. Storms bigger than our entire planet. You can take so long falling to your death that if the pressure didn’t flatten you, you’d die of dehydration before hitting bottom. Your scale weight is triple what you’re used to.
Pluto: Gets so damn cold the atmosphere freezes out. It can snow oxygen out there, it’s that damn cold.
No, no, no—I’m taking about natural phenomena that might occur on Earth, but don’t. Things like, “once in a while, gravity vanishes and everything flies up in the air for a few hours.” Or, " sometimes trees just explode without warning."
You know, like, if you saw it on a foreign planet you’d say,“let’s get the hell out of here!” but if you’d lived with it since Earth began, you’d just go, “oh, yeah. Exploding trees. Really goddam annoying, aren’t they?”
You mean like some species of insects growing big enough to devour people? Or trees growing leaves so sharp that if they fall just right they can take your body parts off?
Upon prolonged exposure to our planet’s sun, we could burst into flame instead of just get getting painful, unsightly burns that may lead to fatal cancers later.
The foods that taste the most delicious and are the most irresistible could be the ones that will kill us…wait…
More urbanized dangers, like gators popping open sewer grates at night to go hunting above ground for unwary humans? Overpopulation of city rats to the extent that they hunt in swarms, trying to overpower stray cats/small dogs let out at night/etc. and kill them for food?
Oh and the most popular religion of the natives often involves wearing a symbolic capital punishment device, and partaking in ritualized canabalism, and drowning.
Every so often all colors change, so suddenly your walls will be bright pink, your hair purple, grass black and none of your accessories will coordinate.
Well air pressure could change so much that some days you could hardly breathe, and on others you could get Nitrogen Narcosis. It would also be impossible to make a decent cup of tea.
Hummingbirds could have evolved to drink blood, instead of nectar. Small, fast, and extremely aggressive, they’d travel in packs like flying piranha, bringing down animals far bigger than themselves by means of stab-and-run tactics
An intestinal parasite that produces massive quantities of methane as a metabolic waste product. When its numbers increase to a critical level, all individuals increase their metabolism to such a tremendous degree that the temperature in the host’s intestine reaches the ignition temperature of methane. The host’s bowels explode, scattering the parasite’s larvae in search of new homes.
