The Ebay Shoes- A creative writing exercise.

I came across this beautiful pair of near new, Johnston and Murphy’s (normally around $ 150) in a mumble mumble store (hint kettles at Christmas time) and decided to put them on Ebay and apply some creative license to the description to make them sexy and hot! Please critique my ad copy. Is it persuasive? Do the shoes scream “Buy Me” or “Run Away”!

My ad

I think this could go in IMHO since the poster is not asking for emotional support.

I disagree, but I digress.

Ugly shoes. Wordy ad. Don’t cast us off into the pit, he wanted an opinion!

…got anything in a size 10?

Seriously, as an ebay vet: Your starting price is way too high. Set it at the price at which you bought them, and let the market do its thing. You might be disappointed or you might be very surprised, but you might actually get a bid. Good luck.

Okay astro, I’m not being an ass about this… I went back to reread. I’d PROOFREAD before I put up an ad.

Johnston & Murphy values style, craftsmanship over clever, substance over sizzle.

…not quite sure what this means.

but when he cross his legs at the company picnic…


Also, you use the handle: “Johnston & Murphy”

NINE FRICKIN’ TIMES in your last paragraph. We know who “they” are, or “the reknowned cobblers,” or “them damn shoe guys.” Please put away the hammer. Ow. Again, good luck. Again, you ASKED for critique.