Furlikid is a fifth grader at a French immersion school. The fifth graders get to go to France (if their parents pay for it.) It is set up as an exchange program with Jr. high school in France. They are supposed to stay with a family for two weeks and then the kid from france hopefuly stays with family of the kid from the US. It is something that they know from kindergarten.
You don’t actually have to take the exchange student, but it is strongly recomended. We weren’t sure we could, but after much begging and pleading from Furlikid, and promisses of a room that was spotless and homework done from now to eternity we agreed. We sent information back and forth including pets and houshold smoking to the the program, and were matched up with a girl. Pictures, letters and emails were exchanged. The girls were hitting it off and everything was good. The wait till March took forever. There were some snags getting the passport but we managed to get everything organised.
The time for the France trip came, and we sent our baby off to Europe with some tears, too few cameras and no little trepidation. The trip was a roaring success. The girls bonded. Furlikid’s French, which was excellent, went to a whole new level. When she came home it was hard to get her back on the right time, but we cleaned and prepared for our turn to host. I wasn’t sure about this when I first agreed to it, but I have to say I had come around and was really looking forward to it.
Our exchange student arrived Sunday. We brought her home, introduced her to the cats. Took her out for Mexican food. She is a nice little thing. Her English is not very good, but she hasn’t been doing immersion she only has a couple years of classroom English. The girls went to bed at a normal time for us, although our exchange student didnt sleep on the plane so she was more than ready for bed. Yesterday morning I got them up before I headed off to work and walked out the door.
When I got home there was a phone call from my daughter’s principal. It seems that our student had an asthma attack and turns out to be alergic to cats. They asked me to bring her suitcase to the school and she will stay with the principal. So thats that. I asked the principal to let me tell Furlikid and she held them at school. I drove in and told her about the problem. She was so good about it at school.
My daughter is crushed. Heck so are my husband and I. She cried most of the way home, and it was all I could do not to join her. We will take Frenchkid on a little trip over the weekend, and I am trying to organise some outings with the girls. Not much I can do I guess.
Well, that officially sucks. I’m tossing a few things out there on the off off chance you haven’t thought of them already:
How allergic is Frenchkid? If you cleaned carefully, bought an air filter and did not allow the cats further access to frenchkid’s room, would it be okay?
Are you totally certain that it is the cats Frenchkid is allergic to and not something else? Something she ate, air quality, unaccustomed pollen, etc.? I am curious that the attack happened not during the night (after several hours of exposure to the cats) but in school away from the trigger. I don’t know that much about allergies though.
Might Frenchkid’s parents approve the use of an over the counter, non-drowsy anti-histamine for the two-week stay?
It just sucks for you, for your daughter, and for Frenchkid. All three.
We really were not offered any options. The French school sent a couple teachers as chaparones ( we did too) They are in charge and more or less they said this is how it will happen. So it did.
I wind up sort of wondering about it somehow. We didn’t notice anything wrong but we do not know her, so maybe we missed something. It is also spring here. Everything is blooming. I know I have been a bit wheezy the last few days. I just dont know.
Probably too late, but isn’t there someone who could have watched your cats for the two weeks? I mean, I know they are part of the family, but it would have been nice for your daughter to bond with her friend while she is here.
Still, you plan for weekend trips sounds good, and maybe you could do a few more things after school.
All in all, depsite this rather huge snafu, it sounds like the program was a roaring success! Congrats and home she has the chance to do it again soon.
BTW, in case you ever win the lottery, or rich Uncle Fred dies and leave you a bundle, there is a school I worked at in Europe you might want to check out. They have a great summer language program (French being one of the languages).
I am really, really sorry for your kid, it sucks. I remember having a similar disappointment at age 11 and it devastated me. Hugs all round…
That said, if someone has an allergy, NO AMOUNT of cleaning, vaccuuming or air filters, or medications, will take that away.
My kid is very allergic to many things, one of which is cats. My aunts have cats and they cannot understand why he will not go into their houses. Well, no matter how much they clean, or shut the cats in another room, or I dose him up, he is going to be wheezy, itchy and miserable for the next 8 hours. It isn’t that their houses or cats or dirty, and it’s not something that we can just “get over.”
This is a small plea for understanding and “giving the benefit of the doubt” to people who claim allergies. (Some people will not be telling the truth for whatever reasons, but the ones who are truthful really cannot help their situations.)
I think your idea of trips out, and maybe after school play dates is the way to go, but it is not what your daughter looked forward to so very much, and it sucks. Great praise and admiration for her not making a fuss in front of the exchange student when she was told. How very grown up.
Considering that the exchange family was informed that the OP had cats beforehand, and still chose to send their child to live with her, I would think they were not aware of the allergy. As such, it might not be all that severe. From the evidence given us, I wouldn’t even be certain she’s allergic to the cats at all.
Assuming she is, there are many, many people with relatively mild allergies to cats who can live with them for periods of time or even permanently with some cleansing measures in place. The term “allergies” covers a vast range of reactions. I have “very mild” hay fever for instance. For about 2 days during the spring my eyes feel a bit itchy and I sneeze. For other people, high pollen count days throughout the Spring months lead to weeks of misery.
Also, “allergic to cats” can mean allergic to cat hair, or allergic to dander (flakes of skin cats shed). The former is much, much easier to deal with than the latter.
I just don’t think the OP has been gicen a fair shake from the program. As far as I can tell, the parents back home haven’t even been notified?
Well there has been developement of a sort on this.
Tuesday we made reservations for a waterpark hotel in a tourist town a couple hours out of town from us. It was a little expensive but we just got our refund back and it seemed a good way to get the kids together out of the house.
On Wednesday I took the girls after school for ice cream. TES (The exchange student) was a litttle overwelmed by the choices and wound up with a vanilla ice cream cone. The girls only talked a little but it was hard because the shop didnt have any tables and there was no way to give them some space.
On Thursday it was my husband’s birthday so we were going out to a Japanese Steak house got finner. Both girls came home on the bus after school. I ran them over to the YMCA to play in the teen center till it was time to go out to dinner, so that TES didn’t have to spend time in the house. I picked them up about 40 minutes later and we got home just as my husband got home, and we headed for the restaurant. It was a wonderful meal. TES took pictures and was smiling and having a blast. I think it was the first time I saw her having fun here. My daughter tried to explain the water park hotel we would be going to for the weekend but it was pretty clear that there was not much comprehension. After dinner we took her back to the principals house and reminded the principal what she would need to pack for the next day.
Friday I went off work. A couple hours later someone brought me a note that I needed to phone my husband. It wasn’t an emergency but was kind of important. I got someone to watch my class and I went and phoned him. It seemed TES had another attack the night before and couldn’t go. I phoned The Principal and asked her if perhaps we rented a car if that would fix things. The Principal asked TES and she said she was feeling too badly and just didn’t want to go anywhere.
Anyway The Principal called both girls into her office and they told Furlikid that TES wouldn’t be coming with us for the weekend. TP left a message on my machine saying I had a remarkable daughter because she was extreemly gracious about the whole thing. When I told Furlikid how proud I was of her later she said she was just so used to being disapointed about the whole thing at this point that it was getting easy.
Sorry that got long. And my proofreading missed loads, but typing this all out is helpful.
Anyway here is what I am left feeling. I think what she was having was not alergies but panic attacks. I think the French kids were not really prepared for the trip. They didn’t have anything close to enough language, and i don’t think they had the culture classes or the preperation. I know that other families have had trouble with students that didn’t have any clue what was expected of them.
Not sure that I it helps any at all. I guess the only thing I have left to do is follow my daughter’s lead with any school events for the French kids for the next week.
She is in a French immersion school. She is 11 years old now (almost 12) and has been working in french as the primary language at school since she was just barely 5.
I found the update very interiguing. It’s such a shame that so many of the French students are feeling overwhelmed. Are they only allowed to speak English? What kind of things do they have the most trouble with (the latter out of mere curiosity, so don’t reply if you don’t feel comfortable).
Anyway, it’s just a shame, is all. Best of luck to your daughter.
Mostly, they just dont have the language. Our kids are 10 and 11 and have had to function in French at school from the time they were 4 or 5. I have heard Furlikid talking in her sleep in French. The french kids are 13 and 14 but they have had two years of classroom frence. You know… Hello my name is Ralph. I have the purple pants on.
Add to that our kids had culture class for three hours every other friday for the whole year to let them know what they should expect. From what our daughter says none of that was happening for the French kids.
Finally I think that the ages are harder. 13 and 14 are tough ages to sort of turn the expectations of their worlds upside down.
I think in theory they are only supposed to speak English here, but they haven’t got enough to be functional. When she stayed with us, my daughter was her interpereter to the outside world. Apparently though, the French kids are getting some English while they are here. I had to explain the meanings of a bunch of swear words to my daughter yesterday. She had heard the French kids saying them, and knew they were all swear words, and that lots of people said them, but she sort of likes knowing the meaning of words around her.
That poor child. If she really is having panic attacks, not asthma attacks, she’d probably be better off settled into her host family home (your home.)
If she’s having asthma attacks she needs to be seeing a doctor - if there’s one around who has an interpreter or who can speak French. Asthma is serious and a sudden, untreated flare-up, whether brought on by the cats, the spring, or the stress, could be quite dangerous. I know you are not able to take charge of things, but perhaps your daughter could ask her if she’s getting treatment. I had childhood asthma and it’s a bit scary. To, um, say the least.
It sounds like you and your daughter are doing a very gracious job of being as welcoming as possible. Speaking as an anglophone who moved to the States, sometimes the differences are overwhelming, can’t imagine doing it without previous language knowledge. Poor kids! I hope they adapt quickly. At least they’re young!
