The Fight of the Century

Step right up folks for the fight of the century! It’s Pretty Me versus Ugly Me.

In one corner we have Pretty Me. Pretty Me stands 5 feet 1 inch tall and weighs in at 118 pounds of raven haired womanliness. Thick dark eyebrows rest above eyes like deep dark pools framed by delicate lashes. A seductive mole lies just off the corner of her mouth. Let your eyes roam down her sleek neck to her full breasts. Her hourglass figure rounds out in va-va-voom hips. You may also notice that this baby got back! Muscular calves end in feet that one foot fetishist loved for the graceful arches and unique heart shaped toe.

In the other corner we have Ugly Me. Ugly Me stands 5 foot 1 inch tall and weighs in at a plump 120 pounds. Her head is so plagued with dandruff it has spread to her unruly eyebrows. Her slightly crooked nose rests above a mouth that is eternally chapped. It would be generous to describe her teeth as “off-white.” Despite her best efforts with waxes, depilatories and tweezers, she still seems to have more facial hair than any one woman should have. Move down to the body and we see a waist so short that her neck may as well be coming out of her wide hips. Yet that short waist is somehow able to contain a belly so rounded (despite attempts to train it with Pilates) that it looks like she is continually in her first trimester. You may have also noticed that baby got back! Notice how the bikini line has declared a Hirsute War on the rest of the bodies and is advancing its front line all the time. Luckily the friction of the large thighs rubbing together provides some line of defense. Calves that cannot be tamed by any knee high boots end in feet that are hobbit like in their tufts of toe hair and calluses.
So, am I the only person who thinks that they are sexy one day and a hideous monster the next?

Yes. The rest of us think that you’re sexy every day.

Except for Joe. But we took care of Joe.

You’ve described the syndrome perfectly. I have a large mirror in the bedroom and so I see my head-to-knees reflection every morning and evening when getting dressed or undressed (someday I’ll buy a screen to put in front of it). I am the same person every day, and my body really doesn’t change all that much from day to day, but my perception of how I look sure does. It’s funny, on days that I’ve gone to the gym, I always think I look much, much better than the days when I haven’t.