The First Intergalactic Church of Xenu

Do the scientologists have a current prophet?

Tom Cruise?

The great thing about scientology is you can be a prophet … and profit!

Shhhh! The Operating Thetans are listening. We must take this planning to the underground.

When we start with this…I call dibs on being the Official Accountant.
Cause I’m so bad with math, but I really need platinum toilets.

I say we copy the Free Katie shirts, only we make up shirts that say “Free Xenu!” Because isn’t he still trapped inside a volcano or something?

We should hold rallies and accuse scientologists of being “Xenuphobes”!!

I love this thread! There never can be too much $cientology mocking.

I’ll join. Xenu rules!
(I never could understand why the $cienos hate Xenu so much. If not for him they wouldn’t exist. You’d think they’d worship him.)

The question is, what celebrities do we get to join so that we’ll be pop-pop-popular?

For out spokespersons, I nominate Patrick Stewart, Christopher Walken and Kevin Smith.

I also nominate Grace Park, Jeri Ryan and Pamela Anderson to invite to the orgies.

I wonder if they like grapes…

Knights of Xenu

You do realize this makes us all K.O.X.!

Christian Slater and Nicolas Cage openly mocked $cientology, which makes it all the more weird that Cage married Lisa Marie Presley for about 2 seconds. Maybe she really thought she could convert him, just like she thought she could convert Jacko.

Mike Farrell hates $cientology, and Emilio Estevez refused to be interviewed about $cn once and said “l just don’t want to end up with my phones tapped.” (Cite, though warning, it’s way out-of-date* and sometimes inaccurate**, there are numerous uncorrected OCR mistakes, and it’s very hard to read.)

  • I haven’t re-read the whole story since it first appeared in Premiere, but I skimmed it looking for the Estevez reference. They refer to CAN, which, last time I heard, is now owned by $cientology. They sued it out from under the owners.

** Brad Pitt may have taken some courses when he dated Juliette Lewis, but I don’t think he ever actually became a $cientologist. If he ever did, he hasn’t been one for years. Smart guy.
This is another interesting but out-of-date reference, the $cientology Celebrity FAQ. Plus, while searching around I found this forum thread. I haven’t finished reading all of it yet…

Anyway, I get the XENU’S SISTER T-shirt!

I quite agree. Besides, I’ll bet Xenu could stomp Cthulhu like a silverfish.

As far as Perfect Masters go, my heart is with Cecil and Kibo, but my money is on Xenu and []“Bob”.

Excuse please…“Bob”.
[sub]It’s been a loooong day.[/sub]

Eh, it couldn’t hold Parallax.

Does this mean Scientologists have a vulnerability to yellow? How about wood? Somebody get Big Bird with a Louisville slugger over to Tom Cruise’s house!

Oh, I’m in. I’m so in. Free Xenu!

Oh, Og! If only I knew Photoshop!

Hell, I wouldn’t just join; I’d tithe.

This is priceless: Halloween with Xenu.
[sub]Xenu drinks beer. Xenu also wears Birkenstocks. He’s really a pretty regular feller for a Galactic Overlord.[/sub]

Oh, I don’t know about that. I find $14.95 a year to be quite reasonable.