The First Intergalactic Church of Xenu

Is anyone as tempted as I am to start a faked-up religion worshipping Xenu, the would-be nemesis of the Scientologists?

Occasionally, buying an ad in various papers proclaiming a Xenusian victory, having conquered the Scientologists of the Third Planet of Altair… making vague proclamations of the impending doom of the Earth, that sort of thing?

Personally, I and a number of my friends follow more along the lines of Boogah the petrified weasel god of strange coincidence. Boogah’s holy symbol is wood grain (the vinyl plastic type not the actual tree woodgrain). We have a tendency to make comments about strange coicidences as the Paw of Boogah strikeing. An example of this was once we were watching Star Trek: The wrath of khan one evening at just after Khan says “So, not so badly hurt as we were lead to believe! So much the better!” right then becky’s cuccko clock went “cuckoo!! cuckoo!!” Thus a boogah moment was born.

I read this in the Times this weekend:

I thought, finally! A super-villain I can really get behind!

I’m assuming this was meant to be its own thread?

Is that the Bibleman who was on Charles in Charge and Eight is Enough?

1.) Xenu is All.

2.) Irony is nifty.

3.) Did we mention Xenu is all?

Pi) Xenu commands…

The eternal battery could not hold him? NOOOOOOO

This Sunday on Pay per view:

The worlds fisrt cage match of the gods!!!

Xenu: Destroyer of worlds, arch nemesis of Scientology

Who is the greater god? WATCH as they fight it out on an ethereal plain of existance!

Maybe some T-shirts

Thetans, the other white meat.

Merchant of Chaos.

What would Xenu do?

If you read the gnostic version, he is the super-hero, not the other guy. :stuck_out_tongue:

I once considered something very very like this, and named it the “Cult of Scinufology” (the sacred science of UFOs).

My slogan: “Why pay Clearwater prices?!” And me dressed up in wizard’s robes with a tinfoil hat.

But man! Billboards are expensive.

Instead of dooming the earth, I think Xenu worshipers should proclaim that he is saving the earth from the evil minions of Scientology.

Cut me in for a share of the profits, and the occassional orgy (What fun is a cult that doesn’t have orgies?), and I’m there, baby!

Will there be grapes?

I’m not joining without grapes!

Also at a brief glance with guesses for some of the members it seems girls are outnumbered by guys in this religion 4 to 11.

I guess the orgies will be more fun for the girls, but still.

First, you get the religion, then you get the women, and then you get the power! Bwahahahahaha!

(greenish) White, or purple? Also, how many? 72?

Nah, just follow the Eaten First! philosophy. :smiley:

I can never get tired of his reaction: “Eaten first? What the fuck kind of advantage is that?”

I am the Thetan Gar-EL!

You have only freed me to realize my true purpose as adjutant Xenusian. My master commands me in first directive: enslavement! I have laid siege to the golden discs under the mountain. I await…

Are auditiors excorcists?