The fruitcakes I have known

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Hi all! Its been nearly a month since I was last here because of my thyroid surgery. (I’m fine, no cancer and I seem to be recovering nicely. :slight_smile: ). I went back to work and and with little to do yesterday my coworker and I got into a discussion about the crazy people that we’ve met in our lifetimes. I mean people that for one reason or another are just fucked up. When I think about some of the fruitcakes I’ve actually met, I can only thank the heavens that I ended up relatively normal.

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Answer the door naked-man: This guy was about 18 when I was 13. I used to deliver papers to the house where he lived with his parents and drug addict brother. When I came to collect the money one morning he answered the door buck-naked playing with his hard on. Completely freaked out I took off at top speed. Never went back. His father came to my house to ask why the paper hadnt been delivered and my grandfather told him. I have no idea if they did anything about their whacked out son. 7 years ago I saw the guy whilst on leave…he had an ankle bracelet radio thingy that they put on pedophiles to make sure they don’t skip town. My cousin told me he raped some underage kid or something.

Piss Man: Actually, I felt bad for this guy. He was older than I am, in his mid late 20’s when I was in high school. And he had a drinking problem. He’d piss himself all of the time because of it. He was best friends with a cousin of mine, who tried to help him, but this guy would drink himself stupid every day and then wet himself. I saw him wet himself one day on the street when I was talking to him!!! (actually he was hitting me up for money so he could get a drink) The strange part is he lived at home with his parents who for some reason didn’t try to help him! Geezuz, when your 30 something son is on the street hitting high school students up for change and pissing himself, its time to do something, people. Piss man was a nice dude in the few hours he was sober each day. He gave me a bunch of Luke Cage, Power-Man comics once and he used to tell us the funniest stories about when he was in the Air Force. Too bad that after his parents died he drank himself to death.

Freaky witch chick: FWC was a buddy’s girlfriend. This girl had issues. She was into witchcraft, which was kind of cool, even if it was a bit wierd. When my bud was inbetween places I let them stay with me for awhile but FWC stole everything in my kitchen that wasn’t nailed down when they moved out. She was actually pretty stupid. I mean, how did she think I wasn’t going to notice that my dishes were missing and that they were in her cabinet when I went to their apartment? I was actually more pissed off at my buddy for not stopping her. (he swears he didn’t steal anything, not that I totally believed him) But FWC had the habit of walking around in her unfastened robe whenever you visited their apartment. Like clockwork, every time I was over there she’d pass out after a few beers, and be laying on the living room completely exposed. I’d seen her naked so many times it wasn’t a shock. I had to stop going over there when I found out she’d been sleeping with practically everyone I knew. Eeew. Especially when she offered to blow me for giving her a ride one day. She wasn’t unattractive but wayyyy to wierd for me. (I could dedicate an entire thread to her.)

Norman: I had one childhood buddy who got into drugs and got himself into jail. But I saw that coming as we got older. He started hanging out with a bad crowd in high school and went downhill from there. But Norman? He was normal! I used play with the guy as little kids and we’d hang out and read comics and do teenage stuff as teenagers. He was the nicest, sweetest kid. Lived with his grandparents and his grandfather was a minister. But right after freshman year at college I came home for the summer to find out that he shot a guy in the head while robbing him at a teller machine! To this day I still think how odd that is! The guy was never violent or even criminally inclined as far as I knew him! Hell, he helped me pack and came to say goodbye when I left for college! I remember my mom saying that he was the least likely of all of friends to do something like that because he was such a “nice boy”.

No Common Sense: NCS ended up working for me while I was at the pentagon. He wasn’t a bad guy, but he just, well, had no common sense. He did all kinds of just plain stupid and dangerous things that made me wonder how he passed the psych evaluation. When he couldn’t find the dumpster he set fire to a bag of trash in the Pentagon (in between the rings, thankfully not inside the building); being late coming back from leave he got one of those flashing police lights from a cop store, put it in his car and tried to drive from South Carolina back to virginia at 90 MPH saying “Well, I thought all I needed was a police light to go that fast.” when he got caught; got in trouble for showing up late for work multiple times. When our boss got in his ass for it he told her “Sergeant Jolly Roger told me I could sleep late”. I almost killed him for that, but they somehow palmed him off on another unit…where he then used his government credit card to take his wife (who was barely legal and didn’t speak english that well…I have no idea where she was from, just that she grew up in Eastern Europe) to France. They court martialed him after that.

Germ-Warfare Guy: Never, ever took a bath or shower unless you forced him. By forced I mean grabbed him and threw him into a shower and forcibly scrubbed him. This guy smelled so bad people didn’t even hesitate to tell him he stunk. His gawd-awful hell spawned stench was legendary. Our platoon sergeant kicked him out of the office more than once telling him he smelled worse than a turd. My roommate beat him up and threw him into a shower once. The platoon threw him into the shower numerous times. His own roommate would sleep in the day room because he stunk their room up so bad he couldn’t stand it. Even when ordered to wash and do his laundry he wouldn’t. according to his roomie he’d jack off to playboys in plain sight. The commander somehow traded him off to another unit in the battalion. Last I heard they discharged him because the guys there were pretty much going to lynch him for not bathing. (trust me, this wasn’t some master plan of his to get out of the military. He genuinely did not want to bathe. He had like maybe ten teeth in his mouth, too, since he never brushed) I pray to any diety that will listen that he doesn’t somehow reproduce for the sake of humanity.

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The strangest thing about these people is that I don’t consider any of them to have been mentally incapable of being…well, “normal”. Sure some of them needed help, but when given they never took it or tried to correct what was wrong with them. Some are worse than others…Freaky Witch Chick’s family were upper middle class, but she refused to have anything to do with them. And they were nice folks! I met them! Her mother called me once to ask me if I’d convince her daughter to call her just so she could see if she was alright. FWC refused to do that. A former girlfriend knew them and said they were stand up people. (she eventually got arrested for credit card fraud, which is a whole other story in itself, since I was kind of there to see it happen), married another guy I knew from High School who shot himself in the head and then joined a satanic cult. No Common Sense guy would behave when under direct supervision but as soon as he left your eyesight hed do something stupid. All Germ Warfare Guy had to do was* take a freakin’ shower!!! * I just don’t get it.

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No interesting weirdos to add at the moment, but I did want to extend my congratulations at a good result to your thyroid problem!

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Ok…now you have to.

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Congratulations on good surgery; good vibes for continued health and healing.

The woman who was on the graveyard shift at the answering service where I worked while in university. She was odd. She spoke to no one, washed her hands before starting work for ten minutes, covered her footstool with paper towels, sprayed disinfectant all over her keyboard, and so on. There was usually more hand-washing mid-shift. She spoke to no one except for callers. She ran or scurried everywhere, instead of walking. I never saw her smile once. She seemed to be a character from an old book–the repressed, middle-aged, prudish virgin. Except that if you were close to her, you could hear her muttering astonishing streams of profanity under her breath. Because it was an answering service, you were expected to answer multiple calls at once, putting the first on hold, then the second, and so on, then going back and helping the first caller. However, she was programmed to only receive one call at a time. Sometimes you would hear her shriek from across the room.

She eventually lost the job at the answering service, though she’d been there for years. I felt sorry for her, and wondered what kind of employment she would have found afterward. Or if she ever got help for the OCD.

We have quite a few tenants who are also oddballs. One is a middle-aged woman who has no furniture in her apartment, only one set of clothes, wraps whatever items she will allow in her suite (e.g. a toaster) in several layers of plastic bags, and calls us in cycles of anxiety about the water being brown. Sometimes she calls to complain that people are urinating in her water supply. She has no bed and sleeps on the floor. No television, no radio. (Apartments are inspected yearly to check the smoke detectors and see if any repairs or painting are needed, so I have reports from the apartment.) She also thinks the resident manager is harassing her with cooking odours, deliberately cooking obnoxious food so that the smell seeps under the tenant’s apartment door and permeates her carpet and drapes. Obnoxious food odours like, say, roast beef.

Again, mental illness, which we’ve tried our best to address, but with very little help from BC social services.

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Sounds like she thinks she has Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. We had one such nutcase work here for a while. She could not do anything because everything made her sick–headaches, stomachaches and feeling dizzy. Interact with customers? No, the smell of their shampoo/soap/clothes made her sick. Unpack signs? No, the smell of the plastic made her sick. Unpack metal signs? No, the smell of the paint made her sick.

She complained constantly about people eating in the office. The smell of chocolate/coffee/milk/anything microwaved made her sick. We finally fired her when I found her printing out gay male porn, despite the fact that she couldn’t print out work documents because “the smell makes me sick.”

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I could do an entire thread on my ex-wife. As I like to say, she’s been certified by the federal government as being completely insane (ie, she’s on SSDB for mental illness).

Of course, some of it’s a complete fraud, like how she claims to be agorophobic and therefore cannot work in public or with other people, but she works the freaking Rennaissance Festival and likes to go hang out at the Mall of America.

But some of it’s completely undiagnosed by her professional help. Such as her raging paranoia and sociopathic tendencies.
Just Quit Woman So named because she just quit from where I work after losing a fight with me over her basically being allowed to do NOTHING for most of her shift. Despite no experience in the field, she originally got her job three years ago because she worked at the stable where our Director kept her horses.

JQW has her own 1 bedroom house. Two years ago, she didn’t have any heat during the winter (in Minnesota!) claiming that she couldn’t afford it. Last winter she kept it at 50 degrees. She doesn’t have a Computer or TV. Doesn’t operate the refrigerator because “it costs too much”. Therefore, no fresh food in the house. Doesn’t have a washer or dryer either. Has a dog and some cats and regularly came to work with cat hair all over her.
At work (Security), JQW would walk around and socialize all night, doing as little as possible. On the nights when the supervisor wasn’t around, you could bank on JQW parking her ass in our office and claiming that since there were other officers on campus and very little to do, we could handle it. JQW was responsible for doing vehicle escorts and would use this as an excuse not to do anything else. While we’re busting our asses to close the campus, she’d be parked in the van staring off into space. Because you know, she has to be available for escorts… When “incidents” occured, you could bank on JQW to show up last, if at all. I once caught her walking swiftly away from a major incident for which the other three of us were running to respond. If she was the first responder (and therefore, in charge of the situation by our rules), she would often wait until someone else showed up, then declare that they could handle it and walk away!

She got away with this due to her personal relationship with our Director and the fact that she’s a pathological liar. Unfortunately, our boss hired one of her old friends to help out for a while and when push came to shove and Old Friend tried to intervene, JQW ran back to the director and proceeded to bad mouth Old Friend, who the director has known for 24 years. Oops. Guess it didn’t work out so well for JQW and she quit in a huff.