The Great Apple Cider Vinegar Plague of 2012

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Dear Diary,

It has been two weeks now and I fear things have taken a turn for the worse. Crew change just happened once again out here on the Carolyn Chouest, and Joe has gotten at least two more people hooked on drinking apple cider vinegar, as some sort of cure-all. I even heard some guy went off of his blood pressure medication because the vinegar has cured him! People claim to be losing weight, sleeping better, feeling healthier, and who knows what else. They are imbibing the vinegar by the bottle. He must have brought at least 20 gallons of the stuff out here with him, and is pushing it on everyone.

I used to think that the pungent, odoriferous scent of apple cider vinegar was once oddly pleasant. No longer! It now surrounds me like a miasmatic plague. Everyone around me is drinking it daily, and I can smell it everywhere. I thought I was going insane at first, smelling some terrible body odor that no one else was seeming to complain about. Was it me? How could it be!? …And then I realized it was the vinegar.

I fear my only reprieve of the smell will be in 2 weeks when I get back onshore and head to Houston, whereupon I will promptly throw out my entire supply of apple cider vinegar. Even typing the words brings a nauseating, churning feeling to my stomach and my throat. It’s worse than when the smell of our raw sewage wafts up out of the drains when the wind catches the ship’s exterior vents and fills every room and hallway with the smell of shit and piss. I actually welcome those moments now, instead of loathe them, for at least for a few moments I’m smelling something else other than apple cider vinegar induced body odor.

In case I don’t make it out of here alive, overcome with these hideous acidic odors omnipresently surrounding me, I hope someone else finds this entry and learns of my unfortunate fate. Please, for the sake of your loved ones, your friends, your families, and even your enemies, PLEASE, do not drink apple cider vinegar. It won’t cure all your ills. Unless of course your ills involve keeping people away who have a sense of smell.

I fear for the future of our country, nay, the world, should this plague ever reach the mainland…

2

I wonder if he learned it from a local mom who followed one wierd old trick that “they” don’t want you to know about.

Shame he didn’t jump on the acai berry bandwagon; they’d at least smell better.

3

I love apple cider vinegar.

I’m not a big fan of sweet drinks, and there really aren’t a lot of options for people like me to have something cool and refreshing that isn’t water- we are pretty much stuck with lemon water or iced tea. But apple cider vinegar is a flavorful way to mix it up.

4

My sister has been into that for a couple years now, but it’s only a tablespoon at a time. Do some people actually drink a whole glass, or something? <puke smiley>

5

Well, Apple Cider Vinegar came very highly recommended to me by the Dr who did my sinus surgery. After assuring me it would not cure cancer, or bring peace to the middle east, he said it would thin mucus.

Which is very helpful in clearing a cold if you have stuffed head issues. Especially if you have misshapened sinus cavities, as many people do. Instead of pharmaceuticals for head cold, its proven extremely effective for me. It’s a lot cheaper and works way better, mostly because it’s really aiding, your body’s efforts, to fight off the cold, by improving drainage.

I’ve never noticed a body odour, but then I don’t drink it every day, just when I’m having a cold!

6

I loved açaí na tigela when I was introduced to it in Brazil, and was nonplussed when açaí was introduced in the U.S. as the MLM-hyped quackster’s panacea of the month.

Don’t buy the magical health claims for a minute, but I sure enjoy eating it in its traditional slushy form.

7

That looks yummy.

8

It has always amazed me how so many people can fall for the idea of apple cider vinegar as a cure-all.

Apparently this belief got a major boost a few decades ago when a certain Dr. Jarvis had a top-selling book about it as a folk remedy. There are devotees who swear to its magical powers. According to one of my favorite sites devoted to the subject, ACV is good for:

ARTHRITIS, ASTHMA, BLOOD LOSS, COLITIS, COUGHS, DIARRHEA, DIZZINESS, EAR DISCHARGE, ECZEMA, EYES (TIRED AND SORE), FATIGUE, FOOD POISONING, HAIR LOSS, HAYFEVER, HEADACHES, HEARING, HEARTBURN, HEMORRHAGES, HICCOUGHS (HICCUPS), HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, INSOMNIA, KIDNEYS AND BLADDER, MENSTRUATION, MUCOUS DISCHARGES, NAIL PROBLEMS, NERVOUSNESS, NOSE BLEED, NOSE - STUFFY, OBESITY, SHINGLES, SORE THROAT, TEETH, VARICOSE VEINS, WEIGHT GAIN, WEIGHT LOSS.

I love that it is great for either weight gain or weight loss, whichever you like. :wink:

And of course, ACV is an essential ingredient in the formula for killing “the cancer fungus”.

You’d think simple cheap generic vinegar would be good enough for a supercure, but oh no, it has to be apple cider vinegar, even better with impurities floating on top.

As pseudo-cures go, at least ACV is not very expensive and unlikely to harm you unless you guzzle lots of the stuff and the weak acid eats away at your esophageal lining (the body odor thing is something I had not considered, but sounds eccch).

9

How much do you take?

(Translated from: “Ow buch do you dake?” Good god, sudden sinus infection.)

10

Wow, it’s the Seven Deadly Shrooms!

11

I like a bit of it in my deviled eggs and potato salad, but drinking it is just falling for somebody’s hype.

12

Dear god, that ‘Cancer Fungus’ site recommends up to 30 lemons a day…

Just… how?

I also like the comment:

[QUOTE=Mad people]
A few months ago as the summer surf season started in hawaii, I suffered from skin cancer on my chest so badly that I had to try to treat it with aloe vera.
[/QUOTE]

13

I should try to turn these people onto the lemon diet instead. At least everything would smell like Pledge then!

Could you imagine me showing up to the ship with a big sack of lemons to dole out throughout my hitch? Hillarious!
Also, Joe is selling these bottles for 5 bucks a pop to everyone on our ship. He says he pays 5.69 for them, but he believes so strongly in the power of it, he’s willing to sell it at a discount.

14

1/2 oz to 1 ounce, twice a day! Be prepared it will clear your head quite quickly. You can mix it with something (like syrup) or just shoot it back like a shot of tequila. Do brush your teeth after, as it’s hard on tooth enamel.

15

And for those following this epic, and would like to track the Caroline Chouest in real time, click here and then on the lat/long map link … :smiley:

Sure you don’t want to jump ship onto the Nicholas P Callais? At least she didn’t just hook around back onto her reciprical heading … :smiley:

16

Can’t be that good. It doesn’t even deal with the heartbreak of psoriasis.

17

As long as you wear a t-shirt that says “Life” while you do it. :wink:

18

wow cool site I had no idea it existed, sorry about the smell
Landlubber Capt Kirk

19

Oh Crap! You guys know where I work now <_<…

Also… that’s all we do. Drive back and forth, back and forth, back and forth… for months and months :smiley:

20

My co-worker has been hitting it lately. “It draws the fat right out of your body!”

Sure it does, dear.