I woke up Saturday morning feeling a little off. Didn’t eat much breakfast, felt lethargic and dull. Later in the morning I developed an annoying headache that Tylenol did not help.
About 2 p.m. I retired to the bathroom and unloaded a turd that can only be described as Brobdingnagian. It was perfectly straight, about 10 inches long and 2 inches in diameter, and of a medium density (a floater, but by no means loose). After I wiped, I peered into the bowl and this ‘Triton among the minnows’ lay in resplendent glory among the toilet paper.
I felt immediately refreshed, and my headache vanished. Serene, yet energized, I set to work on many long-postponed household projects, waxed my car, cleaned out the garage, weeded a flowerbed, and read most of the “Edward-Extract” volume of the Encyclopaedia Britannica. I experienced a state of such profound mental well-being it could become addictive, were such events under voluntary control.
This wave of euphoria carried through the night and well into Sunday morning. The only odd effect was some bizarre dreams I had Saturday night. First, I dreamed that my wife was cheating on me with Kenny Loggins. How did I know it was Kenny Loggins? Well, I found a small pencil portrait of him among my wife’s papers. Later, I dreamed that one of my old high-school classmates was squatting over the ground, trying to light a fart. As I stared at him, he transformed into my cat Jooky, and when the fart ignited, it made a green flame that caught Jooky’s fur on fire briefly.
I’ve had one that beats that. It was long enough that it couldn’t fit in the bowl and actually curled around the inside of the bowl to fit. I estimate its length at 18 inches. It was also about 2 inches in diameter and solid. This is way too much information, but I just had to say:
I find it funny to READ about this stuff, but I came close to being physically ill looking at that site. I could only rate 5 photos before feeling dizzy.
I don’t think I can open the link. There’s some things I just don’t want to be “privy” to. What tough bastards those folks that work in film developing shops must be. One minute they’re checking for focus and color on pics of someone’s vacation or a group in a restaurant and the next thing you know there’s some trucker’s stupendous grunt staring them in the face. Uggh!
I have reason to believe that certain posters on this thread are my in-laws. I was under the impression that some of you did not have access to a computer.
I would never post about anything as private as poop in a public forum.
