I have to give the “You don’t belong here” speech to prospective clients a few times every year.
You see, we have established clients who each bring us about 3 or 4 cases per day. We look after them like royalty because they pay our bills. And more importantly they know what the fuck they are doing.
You have one case that you want us to take care of. Well, we can do it, but if we do, it will be an act of charity on our part. I’m sorry to say this because it makes you feel bad and it makes me feel like an asshole, but it’s the truth. Why is it an act of charity? Because you only have one case and you will always have only one case. And if a bird lands in your backyard strangely then you will call me demanding to know what’s up. And you will try to suck up 3 hours of my time each day trying to understand what it took me 20 years to learn. “So, you’re saying I can’t patent my trademark in Asia?” I want to kill you, you stupid fuck.
And at the end of the day, you will complain about your bill. That is an absolute fucking certainty. Even though I baby-sat you through the whole experience and you ended up costing me more than I made.
I used to underwrite for a “famous brand”. They would finance* anyone*. Just a matter of what interest rate you paid. It was pretty embarrassing at times. People lined up for that abuse, and said, “Thank You!”. :rolleyes:
The collections and repo departments were always* very *busy.
One of the reason I sucked so badly at closing deals was because I seemed to always have one of three types of clients.
A) They had the money but wanted more work out of us than we could afford to give
B) They were agreeable on the scope of work but wanted us to come down on price
C) Both the price and the scope were fine with whomever I was negitiating with, but suddenly their boss would show up and insist we substitute A for B or cut our price or do a 6-week job in 10 days or some damn thing.
The woman who loves spaghetti-os has horrible foot odor. I don’t understand the OP the way it is phrased. People want something they can’t afford, I guess?
It’s just part of doing business. As a colleague of mine once said, “We all want to be capitalists, but sometimes we have to be communists”. I don’t blame them for trying, but I won’t go very far into any negotiation without reaching a “Show me the money” point. If you want me to do you a favor, just ask. I’ll put you right on the end of the list of people I’m going to do a favor for right after everybody fulfills there obligations to me.
Imagine being a car salesman. Day in and day out, people look at cars, maybe take a test drive, maybe go back to talk terms etc., but they don’t buy that often. There’s always trouble–not getting enough for their trade in, they just didn’t like the car after the test drive, they are just not finding anything on the lot they even like, whatever.
And then in comes the customer where everything goes perfectly–they are nice to talk to, they fall in love with the car, no problems with their trade in, they’ll pay sticker, etc. etc. But that customer just has absolutely no ability to actually buy the damn car because their credit sucks so bad.
It gets so that if things are going too well with a customer, the salesman starts wondering how many repos they’ve had in the past.
I thought it was interesting that I saw that very same principle apply in another context. The potential client was just pretty gross in how much he was slobbering all over us–it was extremely strange. And then the reason for his effusive praise became apparent.
So, since I saw this same phenomenon in a couple of places, I thought I would see if others saw it in other places as well.
I want to kill you, you stupid fuck.