Do car dealerships think radio listeners are total morons? Here are a couple statements from currently-running car dealer radio ads in my city:
“Dealer name’s Chevrolet has been authorized to sell lots of cars!!!”
Really? You mean that in ordinary circumstances, Chevrolet sends you a bunch of new cars and requests that you just store them for a while? They’re a bit short on places to keep their new cars, so you kindly and considerately provide a parking lot for them? And now, in appreciation for your years of faithful new-car storage, you have been authorized so sell them! I guess you must have gotten a letter from the CEO of General Motors himself, saying, “Hey, guys, good work. I don’t need those cars any more, so why don’t you go ahead and sell them? Buy yourselves something nice.”
Sheesh.
The other one:
"We’re clearing out all of our unclaimed inventory! (Emphasis mine.)
“Unclaimed” inventory? Don’t you mean “unsold” inventory? Oh, wait, I get it. You’ve actually already sold these cars, but it’s been a few weeks and the buyer’s just haven’t shown up to drive the cars away. That must be it. So now you’ll just sell them again, and it will be the original buyers’ tough luck. They should have moved faster! BWAH-HA-HA-HA! We’re getting paid twice!
GAAAAAAAAAAAH!
We’ll beat any other offer or pay you $1000. Has anyone in the history of the world gotten $1000, or just $0.01 under their other offer?
How about “We’ll pay off your trade now matter how much you owe.” Sure you will; why should I be upside down with my present bank when I can be buried with your lender.
The other thing I hate is they expect you to pay for their stupid advertising when you finally buy a car from them. I told the last dealer that I bought from them in spite of their ad, not because of it.
Another good one “$100 off your down payment for every year at your present job!”
So let’s see…the more stable my employment hisotry, the MORE I can pay? Hand me that sales contract!!!
I’ve always pronounced “low down payments” as “low-down payments.” Car dealers seem to inspire the same sort of public adoration that personal injury lawyers enjoy.
One of the local Chevy dealers took out a half-page ad in the Houston Chronicle last week claiming that a bunch of North Carolina dealers had, without notice, started sending them truckloads of cars that were being moved from the path of Hurricane Isabelle. The truly hilarious part was the supposed quote from one of the salesmen that said something like: “Yeah, these trucks just started showing up and unloading hundreds of cars. We didn’t know where they were coming from. Now we have to sell them or we’ll be forced to pay to ship them back.”
I think my favorite is still the used-car-dealer commercial in Weird Al Yankovic’s movie, UHF. It’s obviously a spoof on Cal Worthington (and his dog, Spot).
(Paraphrasing from memory here…)
“To encourage all of you to come down here and buy a car, I’m going to club this baby seal if we don’t sell a car in the next hour! That’s right, we’re clubbing seals to make a deal!”
I used to know a car salesman. Complete asshole at home and at work. Oh and don’t ever let one persuade you to crawl in the trunk (I was 12 and didn’t know better) because they get a big “spiff” for that one.
I’d post a reply here, but I’m in a hurry. This car lot I passed on the way to work had a giant gorilla on it’s roof, so I musn’t hesitate for a moment longer and hightail it over there. If the gorilla alone wasn’t enough for my excitement, I let you in on a zinger: It’s holding a big sign that reads “no monkey business”. I had to restrain myself from swerving off the highway right then and there to check out the crazy deals. The monkey was purple to boot! So I’m sure you understand my need for urgency. Now, I know this particular lot has the sharpest pencil in town, as was announced by their 50 foot tall inflatable pencil they had at the end of July. I’m still ruminating over the giant cow they had in June, and the giant T-Rex had no accompanying signage, so I’m forced to think of one liners myself. The possibilities are endless!
0% financing for 60 months on all new (insert brand name here) or
cash price $20,000(1)
Yes, that’s 0% interest for 60 months!!! What a deal!!
(1)
dealer may charge more than advertised cash price when financing. Effective interest rate may be more than 0%. In fact, it could be up to 18%, because we’re going to jack the final price way up. But then you boneheads don’t read the fine print, so we’ve gotcha!! hahahahah suckers!
Aaaaaaaaurgh! I’d have gone in there and told them off. Seriously, it’s my biggest pet peeve when somebody calls an ape a monkey. A gorilla is not a monkey.
Just lousy car salesman showing off what idiots they are. Perhaps the inflatable Bonzi could do the job better and would be a better candidate when they’re hiring.