My boyfriend and his mother used to live in a house that got condemned, mostly due to mold growing in the lower floor from flooding. They are currently living in a hotel until they can tear down the house and rebuild.
Last night, I drove him over to the house so he could pick up some of his stuff that was still there. In the driveway was a motor home that also belonged to him and his mother. As we were pulling in, he noticed that the door to this motor home was open (and he knew that he had locked it). He quietly walked closer to it, heard voices, and then got back in my car. We went to the 7-11 next door and called the cops.
After we had been waiting awhile, a motorcycle cop finally showed up and we took him back to the house. The motor home was now empty, but there were two homeless people under some steps in the back of the house. They were consuming alcohol.
My boyfriend had never seen the woman before, but the homeless man was someone who had broken in a few times before. About all the policeman could do was tell the man that he had to get rid of the alcohol (the same officer had already given him a ticket for an open container earlier that evening), send the homeless people away, and give us the man’s information so that my boyfriend could get an arrest warrant on him, seeing as the guy had broken in several times before.
My boyfriend had absolutely no sympathy in the matter. His feeling is that it’s their own fault, and that they practically don’t even deserve to live. I, on the other hand, feel a bit different. Although I do feel that it is completely wrong for them to have broken in and trespassed the way they did, I also feel sorry for them. Last year, I did a play called Blues, about homeless people, and now I understand better what they are going through. Although I know what the guy did was wrong, I still can’t help but feel pity for him. I really think that what happened to him and many other of the homeless people is that they ended up in a hole, and just managed to keep digging themselves deeper to the point where they can no longer get out. Am I wrong to feel sympathy for him?
I don’t think its wrong for you to feel sympathy, disgust, hatred, concern, loathing, or fondness for him. Your personal feelings on the subject are yours, and you shouldn’t worry about what others think. That said, I feel it’s wrong to make others feel guilty about their normal feelings.
Perhaps you might have a little twinge of, “there but for the Grace of God go I” empathy, thinking that for a few bad investments, a wrong turn, or a poisonous marriage, you too could end up living the bum’s life. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, may not be able to “put himself in their shoes” and does not empathize at all. Neither is “wrong,” just as neither can be deemed “right”. Your feelings toward a subject are based upon your life experiences, education, family values, cultural exposure and so on, and are no more or less valid due to differences in gestalt. It’s not like you’re inviting them to move in with you, nor are you baitiing them with antifreeze.
My suggestion would be to sell the property as is, move someplace where the urban campers aren’t quite so obtrusive, and leave the abandoned structure for the bums to squat in until it is eventually demolished. Helps solve their housing issue, and eliminates having pesky wildlife nosing around.
Sympathy does not – and should not – preclude justice. It is perfectly appropriate to regret the circumstances in which these people are living while also wanting to see them held responsible for their actions. Homeless housebreaker does not have to drink, nor does he have to break and enter, he chooses to do both and there are consequences to both acts, and he should face them.
Meanwhile, not being the victim of this crime, your perspective is obviously going to be different. Your possessions were not violated, your trust and sense of security weren’t compromised. You need to let your boyfriend sort out his own feelings about this, in his own time.
I use to renovate old homes during the summer after highschool. It wasn’t too uncommon for this to happen around in my area. My buddy’s uncle bought these really old and abandoned/condemned houses. Sometimes I would working on a house alone. When I get there in the morning, I usually had to wake up the homeless person who snuck in during the night. After awhile, I wouldn’t even say anything and let them gather their stuff and leave when they were ready to. In those neighborhoods, I actually didn’t mind their company. My friends uncles company was called Sunset Realty. We use to joke around and say that was because you didn’t want to be out after sunset.
I wasn’t going to call the cops on them. If anything ever got damaged or stolen, sure I would then. But at the same time I wasn’t very nice with them. They were after all breaking the law.
Every now and then I see something like this and dredge deep in my memory to share what I learned about the homeless during seven months of working with them on a personal level in Columbus, Ohio, during the late 1990s. Here’s what I can recall:
1 - I don’t know about elsewhere, but in Columbus, the resources existed for people who REALLY wanted to get off the street to do so. It would’ve required swallowing a bit of pride, and working your ass off, but it could be done.
2 - Most homeless people I met (we’re talking about 80 percent) were not willing to do either of those things. After all, if they were homepess and knew where to go, they could get food, a free bus pass, and a place to sleep gratis. Why work for those things? (Some of them actually said just that.)
3 - Most homeless people I knew were actively engaged in scams, and I AM counting sitting on a corner asking for money as a scam. Ever wonder why so many veterans seem to be homeless? It’s because the guys with their hands out know people are more likely to have pity and give them money if they’re a veteran. Almost never are they really a veteran.
4 - Most, but not all, homeless are heavy drinkers and/or drug users, to the point of addiction. Some do have mental problems, but of that group, many wouldn’t HAVE those problems if they didn’t use so heavily. And that money you give them? That’s what it goes for. If you don’t believe it, try offering to buy some of them food instead of just giving them cash. Most won’t accept.
The end result of this is that I never, EVER give money to homeless people. If someone asks, I either tell them I have no change or offer to buy them food instead. That usually takes care of them.
Notwithstanding the depressing contents of the rest of this post, there ARE some people who are truly victims of circumstances. (A mentally retarded woman who was beaten until she agreed to turn tricks comes to mind.) But I met very few such people. Most were homeless because of stupid things they’d done, bad decisions they’d made, or because they had ignored multiple warnings of trouble ahead in their own lives.
I didn’t actually answer’s monica’s question at the end of the OP. Personally, I would never tell someone they are “wrong” to feel sympathy. But be aware there are plenty of people who don’t hesitate to play on that sypathy as much as they possibly can in order to squesse what they want out of a person. Sympathy’s fine, but don’t be an easy mark.
I’ve been a homeless person. One of New York City’s famous “homeless mentally ill”, no less.
While I have little sympathy with people who don’t want to see us, or officials who spend lots of time and effort trying to deny us the little we have and run us off from every unoccupied place we manage to find, being homeless is no damn excuse for breaking into someone’s private property repeatedly like what you’re describing. It’s not like he hadn’t been given reason to understand that it isn’t an abandoned and forgotten motor home.
Are there any legal risks at allowing to let this homeless guy keep squatting at this house? I would be concerned about something happening to the homeless guy (falling down stairs, whatever) and then having him sue your boyfriend’s family.
If there is any risk of that, I say he needs to make sure they don’t come back. I’m all for being soft-hearted and cutting someone a break now and then, but I don’t think anyone should have to put themselves at risk for being sued because of it.
Are you wrong? No, I don’t think it’s ever wrong to have compassion for another living being. Feelings are pretty much never right or wrong, anyway; they just are. As such, I find your boyfriend’s feeling that the homeless barely deserve to live reprehensible, but not wrong.
Jubus, the people are homeless. Think about what that means as we crawl into our comfy little beds tonight. Of course you are right and proper to feel some empathy for the buggers. What makes people homeless? Try unsympathetic public officials who see them as the ‘necessary’ flotsom and jetsom who are required to exist so that those that take more than their fair share and horde the extra can also exist, side-by-side with the homeless.
Are you suggesting that the majority of homeless in America are so because of the machinations of others and not because of their own poor choices – usually related to substance abuse? I’m afraid that even the most dedicated homeless advocates would disagree with such an assertion.
So, dear soul, the victims are competing with other victims who(m) are more deserving? You are deluded and unremarkable in your trite superficiality. All victims self-impose their plight by ‘poor choices’ through ‘substance abuse’? Damn, that helps to solve the homeless question. Let 'em cark it because they deserve to die because they smoke crack. Righty, tighty!
Go horde your surplus and sleep in your cosy little bed while others freeze.
Yes, I’m asserting that the homeless in ‘America’ are so because others take more than their share and the social problems, including ‘substance abuse’, are a direct result of abject greed.
monica, you are not wrong to feel sympathy for the homeless, especially if you are willing to at least attempt to help them.
Scopata Fuori, on the other hand, is completely wrong for his/her/its needless quoting of your entire post, especially since his/her/its post immediately followed yours.
Sisyphus’ Stone is just flat wrong.
All the above comes under the heading of IMHO and YMMV.
Originally Posted by Sisyphus’ Stone
Yes, I’m asserting that the homeless in ‘America’ are so because others take more than their share and the social problems, including ‘substance abuse’, are a direct result of abject greed.
Would you clarify “others take more than their share.” Who takes more than their share? People may earn more money and be able to buy more than homeless people, but that is hardly “taking.” It’s also how capitalism works. People work, earn money, and buy things. Since I work and can afford a nice apartment and material items, am I taking more than my share and should I live in a crappy room and buy nothing and give everything to the homeless?
Nobody puts a gun to anyone’s head to make them a “victim” of “substance abuse.”
I don’t know about “others taking more than their share” because I reject the zero-sum assumptions about what’s available to go around. But I wasn’t homeless as a consequence of being on drugs, thank you very much.
Anyone reading this thread who is of the opinion that anyone who isn’t a lazy slacker and is willing to work for a living will instantly be blessed with a job offer should go reread all the threads generated in the last six months by dopers who are seeking but not finding jobs. Joblessness can sure as hell create homelessness. Rent hikes, grey-market housing and shady eviction procedures, and the collapse of informal housing arrangements can create homelessness. And BTW, guess what? Getting incarcerated in a damn mental institution on an involuntary basis and then released three weeks later can create both joblessness and homelessness (a connection that seems less than apparent to many people when they are discussing the connection between mental health history and homelessness).
Once you’re there, in that position, it’s just a wee bit harder than for most folks for you to land a job and get the hell out of that situation. Most programming sucks because it’s aimed at the least common denominator. You can get “activities of daily living” training and learn how to tie your fucking shoes and do a load of fucking laundry all by yourself, but getting assistance to establish a permanent mailing address and voicemail with privacy and easy access can be a bit more difficult. You can get donated clothing sufficient to keep warm in clothes that even fit, but gaining access to a file cabinet and clean paper to type on and, again, some modicum of privacy and protection against your paperwork being thrown away can be a much bigger challenge.
Homeless people continue to owe it to the rest of their species to take responsibility for their current actions and how they treat people now, including a reasonable effort to get outside themselves and maintain a sense of how they affect others around them. Some homeless people are undeniably annoying whimpery whiny people or angry unfocused cusses blaming you and everyone else and making demands and trying to take advantage of everyone they can. And, not so oddly, those are the ones most likely to accost total strangers so you’re disproportionately aware of them. But lots of homeless people are just trying to cope and survive and, if possible, change their situation, and you owe it to the rest of your species to stop assuming that everyone who is down and out is there because they chose this, or made stupid irresponsible choices that rather predictably resulted in this.
Sisyphus’ Stone, your style is acerbic and you’ve made no secret of your disdain for any and all things American. And that’s fine, honestly fine. Argue on and prosper.
But please refrain from personal attacks in IMHO. Keep your focus on the issue, not the individual poster.