I’m so glad you got unbanned…you are the master of funny! “She wriggled, and writhed, and kind of looked like she wanted to turn herself inside out, right then and there.”
Mrs. Tulip’s class was comprised of fourth graders? Isn’t E.B. White’s oh-so-famous novel usually read at that age? Geez, I can see it now…
<children walk in, see squished carcass of spider on floor after stomping administered>
You…you…
<lips quiver, voices waver>
You- YOU KILLED CHARLOTTE!!! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
<Try not to giggle hysterically as Mrs. Tulip deperately tries to assure a bawling roomful of 8-10 year-olds that Charlotte isn’t dead, and no it isn’t one of Charlotte’s children either…>
“Chin up,” Kids!
Well, I’m a female and I looooove spiders - any other weirdos out there like me that like to catch black widows for fun? I found 11 in the backyard one night…
MWK
Thank you for the scary story. I am of course complete twigged out by spiders, but you tell a great story.
Please, more stories! (ignore the e-mailers - more stories!)
Yamirskoonir I guess I am a weirdo female as well. We have two huge wolf spiders that live in our garage. They are about the size of a small mouse and will freak you out in the mornings as they dash across the floor. Occassionally I have to retrieve them out of the house as one of our 4 cats will corner them.
Ever see a spider freak a cat out? Spider lays on it’s back, legs folded up like it’s dead. Cat gets curious…cat sticks it’s nose down to smell the spider. Spider grabs the cat’s nose, and the cat lets out a scream (yes cat’s can scream). Cat is now totally freaked out for the rest of the week. Pretty funny stuff. Just wish I could have the camcorder rolling just once when it happens…
I just hafta say, I’m marrying a woman who is a lot more Ellen Ripley than Mrs. Tulip, and proud of it. Ladybug’s nickname IRL is “Tiger.”
Nonetheless, when there’s a huge ugly bug, she gets squeamish and wriggly and oogy and very girly. I think it’s cute, but only because I know she’s a tiger, and could deal with it if I wasn’t there. So it’s my (largely honorary) job to get the broom and the dustpan and escort large ugly things outdoors, or to the toilet if they’re clearly pests.
Spiders go outside. Cockroaches go whoosh.
Also, this is not the origin of my user name.
Myself, I would have offered to trade boxes of decorations. Or at the very least, brought her box back to my own room before dealing with it. That way, she gets her spider-free decoration, I get spiders, everybody’s happy.
Good God.
Master Wang, you have cojones the size of bowling balls. Really. Good on ya.
I’m terrified of spiders. I admire those of you with catch and release policies, but me? Not on your life. When I can kill them, I do. (Did I mention I’m scared of spiders? Sometimes I can kill the little ones. Sometimes I can’t. Wish I could predict my reaction). When I can’t, I call Mr. Snicks and he does. Even though it violates his personal code, he does it for me. Because he loves me. He’s an excellent man.
As are you, Master Wang. Smashing tale.
Damn, I’m glad I live in Minnesota. Yes, we have wolf spiders here, but I rarely see them in Minneapolis - seen three in my life in various rural parts round here, and that’s plenty. I can’t imagine letting them live in my garage.
Just…ew.
Snicks
Good God.
Master Wang, you have cojones the size of bowling balls. Really. Good on ya.
I’m terrified of spiders. I admire those of you with catch and release policies, but me? Not on your life. When I can kill them, I do. (Did I mention I’m scared of spiders? Sometimes I can kill the little ones. Sometimes I can’t. Wish I could predict my reaction). When I can’t, I call Mr. Snicks and he does. Even though it violates his personal code, he does it for me. Because he loves me. He’s an excellent man.
As are you, Master Wang. Smashing tale.
Damn, I’m glad I live in Minnesota. Yes, we have wolf spiders here, but I rarely see them in Minneapolis - seen three in my life in various rural parts round here, and that’s plenty. I can’t imagine letting them live in my garage.
Just…ew.
Snicks
oy, just remembered… there was a wolf spider the size of a half dollar in the bedroom the other night. Mr Dude. got up, investigated, and decided that it would to to the happy spider hunting grounds in the sky instead of outside.
oy! a HALF DOLLAR! shudder
The stereotypical “fragile female” makes me want to hollar.
One night, I’m home alone in the tiny apartment building (five units, used to be a single-family home) late at night when one of the SWFs that lived above me started screaming her fool head off. I thought something was seriously wrong - not a huge leap as one of them had such a problem with an ex stalking her that the locks on the doors had to be changed and we all got new keys - so I grabbed a bo staff (big stick used for wacking people in martial arts) and my keys and ran upstairs.
I pound on the door where the screaming is coming from. The SWF opens the door and I ask if there’s a problem (DUMB question concidering the circumstances).
She said she saw a bug.
I offered to kill it it for her, but she said it had already disappared. THen she noticed the bo staff and I explained Hubby has some martial arts weaporny stashed in our aparetment. She thanked me for coming up and I made some sort of comment like, “If I was screaming like that, I’d want someone to help me.” Dunno if she picked up on what I was saying. I hate centipeds and have been known to jump at the sight of them, but the way SHE was flipping out, you would’ve thought she was getting stabbed or some such thing!
Sheesh!
Patty
Eesh.
Y’know, I’m beginning to understand the feelings of all these people who’ve been beefin’ at me about how spiders creep them out.
The idea of opening a box with an artificial Christmas tree only to find it a rat-nest-infested, chewed-up mess, lovingly frosted with rat feces…
…well, let’s just say, allovasudden, I can appreciate the sensation of “creeped out.”
Pardon me a minute. I think I’m gonna go check MY Christmas shi – uh, STUFF…
[nitpick from an old Mission: Impossible fan]
Linda.
Linda Day George.
[/nfaoM:If]
sigh
[[humiliation]]
Have ours! Have ALL our possums! We don’t need 'em, we don’t want 'em. And the idea that they’re protected just makes me giggle…
In other news, Master Wang-Ka, that was an awesome story. Good enough that I’m willing to ignore the awful crawling sensation across my shoulder blades. I’m not (very) afraid of spiders, but there is no way I would have gone near that box…
Yeah, but there’s good eatin’ on them things.
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/3443/possum_recipes.html
All I can say is that the fantastic mental picture I had while reading this line was most certainly different from what the OP actually meant.