The posted Zany Brainy site does not seem to have the Airship Earth anymore. I’m supposing all you dopers have rushed to buy them out in you own nefarious schemes to terrorize your spouse, dog, and self.
Here is where the blimp from hell can now be viewed:
Interactive Toy Airship Earth
Yes, you must publish.
I’m also a stranger to this board, having also been sent the link by a friend of mine. Scylla – asbolutely hilarious! I think your story is making the rounds of the WWW!
oh, and by the way, Singular – your post also added to the funny factor!!
This story seems oddly related to a nice illustration in the back of this month’s Wired magazine…
So my co-worker starts laughing quite eradically at something he is reading on the internet. “You can not leave that to yourself, send me the link!” I exclaim. So I open up the link and begin to read…
I get to the point where it says…
“At this point it is important to know that my house has central heating”
…and I start to laugh, because I know this is going to be good. I conitinue to read and get to the point where it says…
“The blimp which was up until this moment a fun toy here embarked on a career of evil.”
…at which point I laugh harder knowing this is going to be REALLY good. Continue reading and get to…
“the blimp stealthily departed my office”
…at which point I begin to sweat and start making these odd squeaking noises that I didn’t realize I could make. I continue reading till…
“it approached the bed”
…my eyes start to water…
“when your sleeping senses suddenly tell you without reason that the forces of evil on converging on you”
…my stomach starts to hurt…
“there is a large levitating sinister presence hovering towards you with menacing intent through the maligant darkness”
…more squeaking, uneasy feeling in my stomach, eyes dripping on my keyboard, and I begin to bump my head into my monitor…
" HOLY SHIT! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE OR DIE!!!"
…all my symptoms hit me at once. I STAND UP, SLIGHTLY DIZZY, HEAD FOR THE BATHROOM, STUMBLE IN, LOCK THE DOOR, FIND THE TOILET. AND VOMIT!!!, oh yes, I said VOMIT, for a good 5 minutes I am sitting, praying to the might porcelain gods. The uneasyness subsizes a bit, I stand up, go to the sink…look at my bloodshot eyes, run back over to the toilet, 2 more minutes of dry heaving. Wash my hand…look at my eyes again…30 more seconds of spitting my saliva out, blow my nose… go outside in front of the office for some fresh air and to take off my shirt. 10 minutes later find my way back into the building, then into my office…sit down in front of my monitor, see the article on my screen (ONLY 2/3rds READ!)…Close that freakin’ window, and breathe, breathe breathe, deep breaths, deep breaths, wipe the tears from my eyes…
Twenty minutes later I muster the confidence to finish reading the story, however I had to think of fuzzy animals getting killed by angrier animals, like when hippos eat their young on the Discovery channel, I had to think terriblly sad thoughts like that to finish the article, or I would be dead right now from throwing up my stomach.
Thank you soo much, oh and by the way, my co-worker told my boss about this, and she thought it was very funny too, and she will probably read this thread also. So Scylla, I hope you’ve had your fun, and I think this will be the last time I come to this site!
Love,
A very sick little Network Administrator (who is currently eating saltine crackers and drinking gatorade).
Jesus. Scylla’s words just made someone puke! Wow. I am in awe.
[check out the number of views, man! You’re a star!]
Before recently registering, I’d been lurking here for 2 years, mainly in the pit. Of all the comedic pit threads I’ve seen, this is by far the best one. What a work of art.
WoW!
I wonder if Ed Zotti’s gonna offer me a high paying job, or if he’s just going to yell at me for overloading the server.
It could go either way, you know?
Masterful OP, Scylla, simply masterful!
Oh, and someone please remind me not to read threads like this when I am recovering from a cough, will you? I nearly choked to death!
Hey, maybe I should sue?? 
Okay, it’s like this: I often type “lol” online just to convey when I thought something was amusing, when in fact I haven’t actually laughed out loud. It’s just shorthand, you know? While I have a great sense of humor, it’s hard to make me actually laugh really hard. And I almost never laugh really hard when I’m alone. I mean, why? No one is there to hear it.
I’m sitting here all alone, wiping tears from my face and thinking I’d better get to the bathroom quick because I laughed so hard I gotta pee.
Brilliant stuff, Scylla. I am in awe.
dammit! Made the mistake of reading this without closing my door. One of my co-workers walked past my office and spotted /me, head down at my desk and twitching…
Who did it?
Who was the first person to e-mail a link to this thread to a friend/relative/whatever?
I ask this because that person is responsible for the disemination of this thread across the entire internet (I am, of course assuming that a single person is responsible, which I know is wrong, so shut up and bear with me).
This person is either:
A) A Hero, because he or she presented Scylla’s masterful tour-de-force to the world at large, thus ensuring him a book contract and possible movie option revenue.
B) A Goat, because he or she encouraged the entire world to bog down the Reader’s servers just to read the thing.
Own up to it. I leave judgment to others more qualified.
[sub]The above post in no way reflects a change in attitude towards the OP. I still think it’s brilliant.[/sub]
I followed a link from INA communities, and I must say I’m floored with the prose in which Scylla relates his story.
I read it this morning after bring our network back up, and the manager came in and asked me what we were laughing about. (I came here first to test connectivity) When we couldn’t answer due to maniacal laughter, he just walked away mumbling something about “computer nerds and Monty Python”.
I had to register just to reply, but it was worth it!
Well done!
GJ
I thoroughly enjoyed the story. Gotta get me a blimp. But this can’t really be the first time Scylla has induced a little technicoloUr yawning.
The BEST story I have read in a VERY long time. Laughed so hard I woke my gal up in the other room!
FWIW, I followed a link from a R/C model airplane forum. It’s getting around!
Thank the Almighty no one else was in the vicinity when I started laughing. The dBs alone may have triggered a minute earthquake. Excellent OP Scylla.
I followed a link from an MSN Community post… it is getting everywhere. Soon it will reach an extraterrestrial advanced civilization and they will visit Earth, wondering where to get an Interactive Toy Airship Earth.
Relax and have fun!!
This ranks up there with the “Guest Judge for a Chili-Cook-Off” story.
Someone sent me a link to this. I am so glad they did. Bravo! Well done! Good show! Frickin Awesome!
I laughed, I cried. Actually I laughed until I cried. And then I had the giggles for a good couple of hours afterwards.
Next on Fox: When Blimps Attack!
Good grief – look at all the single-digit posters! This may bring in more new members than the LOTR thread…
Scylla, I’m a long-lurker here, but I think I’ve posted maybe once or twice in the last couple years. But, needless to say, your Tale of the Satanic Dirigible prompted at the least a thank you from me. Thank you for the mascara now running down my face. Thank you for the coffee and spittle all over my keyboard. And thank you most of all for the double-wide berth my boss now walks around me - when you’re howling like a hyena in a legal office, it tends to make people wonder about you.
By the way, if your wife divorces you over the balloon in the face, can I have you?
AliBaba