Heh. I thought I was being overly verbose before.
*Pre-title sequence
The British are having a training exercise in Gibraltar. A SMERSH assassin infiltrates the games and kills an MI6 agent, leaving behind a calling card – “Smert Spionom”, “Death to spies.”
After the concert
MI6 learn that General Koskov (Jeroen Krabbé) wants to defect, and that there is a KGB sniper that will shoot him. Bond (Dalton) and another agent are sent to shoot the sniper before he can kill Koskov. The sniper turns out to be Kara Milovy (Maryam d’Abo). Bond sees that “she doesn’t know one end of a gun from the other”, and shoots her gun instead of her. Bond smuggles Koskov out of Eastern Europe by putting him in a “pig” – a device for cleaning pipelines – after which Koskov is flown to England in a Harrier.
At the safe house Koskov explains that General Pushkin (John Rhys-Davies) has reactivated the long extinct (or dormant?) SMERSH. The Soviets will kill British agents, and the British will respond in kind. This could eventually result in nuclear war. The assassin from the pre-title sequence infiltrates the grounds disguised as a milkman. (I think that his name was “Necros” (Andreas Wisniewski – someone please correct me if I’m wrong). In a well-planned operation, Koskov is kidnapped.
With Koskov “kidnapped”, Bond seeks out the cellist/“assassin” Milovy. He discovers that she is Koskov’s girlfriend, and that her rifle was loaded with blanks. Obviously, the British were supposed to think Koskov’s defection was genuine.
In Tangier
Pushkin confronts Whitaker (Joe Don Baker) and tells him that the arms deal they had is off. Whitaker temporizes and is given two days to get the money back. ($50 million?) Pushkin must be killed. Of course, the best outcome would be that it looked as if the British did it. Necros is ordered to kill another British agent so that the British, already clued in by Koskov that Pushkin is behind the assassinations, will send James Bond to kill Pushkin. Necros is to kill Pushkin if Bond doesn’t do it before the end of a conference.
Necros kills the agent in Vienna, where Bond and Milovy are hanging out hoping to find Koskov. Bond captures Pushkin in the latter’s hotel room and makes like he’s going to execute him. Pushkin basically says, “Who do you believe? Me, or Koskov?” In the next scene Pushkin is about to give a speech at the conference. Bond shoots him in the chest just before Necros makes his own attempt. Necros, Whitaker and Koskov are all pleased that Bond has killed Pushkin for them.
But Bond didn’t hill him! Pushkin was outfitted with a bulletproof vest and blood packs. Bond shot the blood packs. “This is the first time,” says Pushkin, “that I’ve ever been glad James Bond is a good shot.”
Meanwhile, Milovy finally reaches Koskov. When Bond gets back to his hotel room, Milovy has a martini (“Shaken, not stirred.”) waiting for him. Bond drinks it to discover it was drugged. He is captured by Koskov & Co.
Afghanistan
Here’s the plan: Whitaker arranges for a human heart transport to Afghanistan to cover smuggling diamonds to there which he will trade for opium. He sells the opium to the corrupt Russian military for $500,000,000. He plans to use $50,000,000 of the money to buy the arms he has promised to the Russians (the “other” Russians, I suppose) and keep the profit. Bond is able to open the case with the “human heart” in it. It’s an animal’s heart, and the diamonds are being smuggled in the ice.
When the plane lands in Afghanistan, Bond is taken away to await his fate. Milovy, having served her purpose, is sent with him. Bond uses one of the gadgets Q gave him (aside from the car, I think this might have been the only gadget – again, correct me if I’m wrong) to escape custody. He also releases an Afghan man who is to be shot in the morning.
By disguising themselves as Russians, Bond and Milovy get to the boundary fence and hop over it. They are captured by the Mujahiddeen, but they are not killed because their leader is the one in the cell. Turns out the guy is the Deputy Area Commander (and was educated at Oxford, to boot!).
Bond impresses upon the leader that it is imperitive that he stop Koskov. The leader has a war to fight, but says he’ll see what he can do. The next day the Mujahiddeen and a powerful drug-trading tribe meet the Russians to make the trade. Bond plans to plant a time bomb in the shipment, but gets carried away… in the truck. Milovy, with no military training (except, presumably, what little Russian girls learn in school – I have a friend who was shooting a Kalashnikov when she was 12) takes off to rescue “James!” The Mujahiddeen have to follow. There is a battle at the air base and Bond makes off with the planeload of opium. Milovy is in trouble, so she drives up the ramp as the aircraft is taking off. Unfortunately Necros also makes it aboard.
Bond goes to defuse his bomb and is jumped by Necros. Milovy, who has never flown an airplane before, decides to pull a lever. The lever opens up the rear ramp of the C-130. Bond and Necros duke it out and tumble out of the airplane, clinging to the cargo net full of drugs. Bond finally gets the upper hand. Or “upper foot”, rather. Necros has grabbed onto Bond’s boot to keep from falling. Bond pulls out a knife and cuts his laces. Necros plummets, still holding the footwear. “I gave him the boot,” says Bond.
The aircraft has taken some fire and is leaking fuel. And the Mujahiddeen are under attack by the hotly persuing Russians. Bond lines the plane up with a bridge and hands the controls to Milovy, then resets his time bomb and drops it on the bridge. The Russians are defeated and the Mujahiddeen are safe.
But there’s that little issue with the fuel. There’s no place to land, so Bond puts Milovy in the Land Rover (or “jeep”, as he calls it). He deploys the parachute which drags the vehicle out of the aircraft – with Bond jumping in just in time – just before the plane crashes and explodes. (Again, how could it explode when there was no fuel? Also, if there was enough room to drop the “jeep”, then why wasn’t there enough flat space for it to land? Eh, “dramatic license”.)
Back in Tangier
Bond infiltrates Whitaker’s stronghold. To digress, Whitaker’s hobby is the study of famous battles. He has remotely controlled drawers in the tables upon which he displays his battleground dioramas. (Incidentally Whitaker is a poseur, having only limited military experience after being kicked out of West Point for cheating.) Bond says he wants Koskov. Whitaker says he can have him – as soon as Bond returns the opium he stole. Bond informs Whitaker that it was destroyed, which leaves Whitaker incredulous. “You burned up half a billion dollars!?”
Whitaker activates one of his drawers which knocks Bond back. He grabs a submachine gun, and the battle is on. Whitaker grabs one of his niftier weapons and chases Bond. Bond (stupidly!) aims right at the bulletproof shielf instead of Whitaker’s unprotected centre of mass and runs out of bullets in his PPK. Whitaker closes in for the kill, but Bond slips away. He plants his keychain by on a bust of Wellington. (The keychain had two functions: the gas bomb that he used when he escaped the Russians in Afghanistan, and an explosive.) At the critical moment Bond activates the bomb and the bust flattens Whitaker on a diorama table. “He met his Waterloo.”
Bond is about to be taken out by a henchman, but Pushkin and his men come to the rescue. They get Koskov who plays at being happy to be “rescued” by his comrade.
Pushkin: “Take him back to Moscow.”
Koskov: “Oh, thank you! Thank you, comrade!”
Pushkin: “In a diplomatic bag.”
Concert Hall
I don’t remember where this happened. Maybe England, mayby Austria. Kara Milovy plays a very successful concert. The heavily armed Mujahiddeen leader and some men barge in after the show. “Sorry we missed the performance. We had a little trouble at the airport.” (“I can’t imagine why,” says M.) General Gogol (Walter Gotell) is now in a new position and he has granted Milovy an emmigration visa so she can come and go to and from Russia as she pleases. But Milovy is sad that Bond didn’t make the show. She goes to her dressing room.
Bond is there with his keychain which is equipped with one of those “finder” features. Whistle to find them. Milovy finds Bond and they shag happily.
I think that’s it. If I missed anything, please post it!