Jonah Hex, as the thread title may suggest, is a weird movie. I can’t decide what I think abut it.
Let’s be blunt: virtually the entire plot is handled in the first 5 minutes. There’s really nothing more to see about that. The entire rest of the movie is action, or brief bits of Hex brooding about something. They cont5rive action scenes that have nothing to do with the entire rest of the movie. Moreover, Hex is basically the definition of “badass.” He’s a hard dirnking, hard-fightin’ man who kicks ass, doesn’t bother to take names, and talks to dead people (that’s not a spoiler: it’s explained in a very… direct… bit of narration at the start of the film. It’s kinda like they wanted to show nothing but killing, then realized that origin stories are in so tacked it on.
Oddly enough, the talking to dead people was pretty cool. I figured they’d handle it badly, but it was alright, really. Still, he talks to dead people… mostly to set up the next action scene. This is basically a purist action movie. There’s really nothing there but a cool character blowing bad guys like the director just saw Commando and wanted to do a remake in the Old West.
Is it a good movie? No. But unlike some it’s entertaining for more than the . The sheer over-the-top grandiosity and seriousness with which it was filmed makes the whole thing pretty darn fun, if only because it’s often so funny. Once you relax and jsut go with the absurdity of it - an action movie defined by cliche’ - it’s actually pretty enjoyable. I wouldn’t pay more than the matinee price, though, even if you like action movies. The thing is also 90 minutes long, and that’s pushing it.
So, short version? Ugly Guy for revenge + Hot woman prostitute* + Joh Malkovich hamming it up + crappy pseudo-southern accents + explosions and big guns = … well, work it out for yourself.
*I wouldn’t say she doesn’t have a heart of gold. More like a heart of vinegar.
Well, for what it’s worth, your review just sold me on watching it at the theater. I used to read the original comic book (and the apocalyptic HEX, ouch), and I was planning to rent it…
My favorite line from one of its reviews: “Hayward’s 82-minute film speeds through every scene with a squirmy restlessness that suggests it badly needs to pee.”
I could believe it. The didn’t feel rushed so much as it felt like the story started halfway. There were frequent flashbacks (which, to their credit, did explain a lot about Hex), but mostly the narratrion just went through like somebody said, “screw it”, and tossed three scripts into a blender. And then skimmed out anything with no gunfire.
OK, people, but remember: I didn’t say it was good. I’m still not sure how I even feel about it. But every time I try to think about it, I get a weird confused feeling and laugh a little.
I have seen the previews, and I think it looks pretty bad. And I like bad movies, especially bad action movies, but there’s one thing I see in it that irks me: the lack of consistency towards the fantastic aspects of the story. I can suspend my disbelief and accept that this man “crossed over” or whatever, and can talk to dead people. Got it. But Gatling gun horses? Dynamite throwing crossbows? Give me a break. If you want to make a movie about some dude in the old West who has crazy ingenious weapons, make it. Don’t throw sorcery talking to dead shit into it to. Just stay consistent and reasonable.
I wish they had stayed away from the goofy stuff and gone back to the character’s roots as a Josey Wales sort. But if you’re going to go goofy, you must have a giant spider.
My copy of Ian Hogg’s “The Complete Machinegun” shows the “Camel Gun” which was an actual machinegun mounted on the pommel of a camel’s saddle, used in the early 1900s (it was a Maxim gun IIRC).
