The kindest thing a friend ever did for you?

In My Humble Opinion
1

First off, I’m forty seven years old, so that will help you know how long ago the fourth grade was for me!

I could hardly read, and the teacher I had, Mrs. Sandburg, taught me to read by having me sit on her lap and read ‘Uncle Funny Bunny’s Book.’ I had only known physical abuse, and had never been touched with such love, and patience in my life, needless to say, I was reading everything I could get my hands on, by the end of that school year.

Mrs. Sandburg had given me a “Midge” doll for ‘best reader.’ I was SO proud of that doll, and I was a tomboy, so it was also my FIRST doll too. My mother promptly got rid of it, telling me ‘how I was too old for toys’ and I was ‘selfish’ for not wanting kids who had less than me to have it instead. I was devastated, but in my family YOU DON’T CRY.

I related the above story to a friend now through an e mail, a few weeks ago. GUESS what I just got in the regular mail today?? Joyce had found another Midge doll and mailed it to me!! Isn’t that the sweetest thing you’ve heard all day???

Okay, that’s MY teary-eyed sweet story, what’s a friend done for you, that lifted your spirits, or touched you so deep that you’ve never forgotten it?

I wish I had a heart smiley face for Joyce, thanks hon!

Judy

2

Anti Pro, that is the most wonderful thing I have read in a very long time. Thank you!

When I was little, my comfort object was my “grammy blanket”, a knitted blanket made by my maternal grandmother. I slept with it every night. It even went with me to college, albeit in smaller form. The reason it was smaller was that my mother decided, while I was at school one day, that it was looking ratty and proceeded to trim it to nearly half its size. Without my permission. I am somewhat embarassed to admit that I have still not quite forgiven her for doing that.

A few years ago, my sister made me a new grammy blanket. She found yarn in the same variegated colors and knit an afghan for me. It is probably the best gift I have ever received.

3

This has been the year from hell for me. A long distance friend of mine has unfailingly kept calling me and pulling my out of my shell for the months. We haven’t known each other that long and when she discovered that she had missed my birthday (because it passed before we got to know each other well enough to share that info) she sent me a gift right away. It made such a difference to get an unexpected birthday present right at the point when I was feeling most alone and worthless.

rivulus

4

Well, the two instances I can think of revolve around books.

First one was back in Russia, Christmas 1995. The short days and long nights in St. Petersburg had given me a good case of SAD (first I’d ever had) and being 8,000 miles away from my family didn’t help much either. So I was feeling rather depressed. My buddy Andrei, a university student, asked me if I’d rather have my gift on Christmas Eve (that night) or Christmas. I figured what the heck and asked for it that night.

Turned out to be a nine-volume set of Marx’ and Engels’ collected works in Russian. Keeping in mind that Russian students got a measly stipend and often had to supplement what they could get with at least one job, he had to have done some serious belt-tightening in order to get that. I was really touched.

The other one is very recent - Anniz was kind enough to get me a very expensive Swedish<>English dictionary and send it to me for half the cost, including shipping, of what I would have had to pay for it over here. And she didn’t even wait for me to send the money first. If that isn’t kindness, I don’t know what is.

Tack så mycket, kära! :slight_smile:

5

Time: September 1984 Situation: My father was in the hospital. He’d tried to contact my mom at home w/o success, police were called in, they found her - she’d died suddenly. My siblings and I were going down there to dad’s side in the hospital. Hospitals will not allow (even in these circumstances) an infant in the room. My son was only 4 months old. My friends, Rod & Pam called and said “bring Ben over to us. we’ll take care of him for as long as you need”, even though their son Kyle was only 3 months old. To this day, I carry a picture of Rod holding both boys in the bathtub. It symbolizes friendship to me.
Time: December 1986. Situation: My husband of 4 years had packed up and moved out while I was at work, leaving me bills to pay, and our 19 month old son to raise on income that wouldn’t stretch that far. He’d left me a note saying he would pay $35 per week in child support (our day care costs at that point were $60 per week), etc. Christmas was coming, I had been in a temporary “Interim” position at work, the other person was coming back, which was going to mean a pay cut of about 15%, and worse hours (meaning higher day care costs).

My friend Sue, who was going through her own tragedy (her husband of 40 years was going to have one leg amputated due to diabetes) bought me a Christmas tree, knowing how important they were to me then.

I count myself very lucky to have friends such as these.

6

Olentzero, I’m just glad I could help,
my dear friend.:slight_smile:

7

Well, this might not be much, but it immediately came to mind. I was going through a messy, unresolved, one-foot-still-in-his-bed agonizing stupid break-up. It was horrible, and I was making it worse by insisting we both be “adult enough” to stay friends even though looking back it’s clear we needed make a clean break. Typical scenario: my ex would get mad at his new girlfriend, and so he’d come to my house (he still had a key; I found that romantic or something) and I’d be thinking maybe this meant he still loved me more than that awful tramp… and then we’d actually be sacked out for the night and she’d call my house and he’d get up and leave to go to her bed and I’d be sitting there like the complete lonely miserable moron I was. Ugh–it makes me skin crawl typing it! I knew this was horrible, and all my friends were exasperated with me and were ragging on me mercilessly, but doing it in ways that made me defensive and secretive.

Except my friend Dave. He was subletting from my housemate, so he was getting a Front Row Center view of everything, even the stuff I wouldn’t tell my friends. He came in on one of those miserable nights and held me and he told me “I know you might not be handling this perfect, but when I look at this I see someone doing the best they can in a bad situation. I really admire that.” And then he gave me a poem he’d cut out a long time ago for himself, about the crap you go through looking for the love you deserve. God, it still brings tears to my eyes. He gave me what I needed when I needed it most, and didn’t belittle me. Even though I was being a complete ass and was responsible for 85% of my own misery. What a friend.

8

May not be the kindest, but one of the most memorable, and recent (perhaps explaining the memorable part).

While in the USMC, I had lost a Zippo lighter that had been engraved by “my guys” for me. In 1991 I got out and lost track of everyone soon afterwards due to relocations, the war, people getting out, etc. Last week, I came across one of my guy’s names in a contact website for jarheads. (www.thefew.com for any devil dogs out there). I sent an email to him and then called him the next day to see how he was and it turns out he had my zippo hoping to someday run into me. I just today received it in the mail. Not until I held it again did I remember just how much the lighter meant to me. It’s the little things that define a friendship. I’m now searching for the perfect Xmas gift for him to return the favor, but everything pales in comparison to what he did.

And with that, I am going to go bask in nostalgia again:)

9

When I was very young but it set the standard I’m still repaying…

My parents divorced, very acrimoniously, back in the days when divorce was a scandal. We lived in a prosperous suburb that was almost a “company town” for my dad’s employers.

It’s hard to imagine now but we were completely ostracized. The minister of our church literally lambasted mom from the pulpit. (We never went back.) My sister and I were suddenly and emphatically not welcome in the homes of our former playmates. And we were suddenly, achingly, not-enough-to-eat POOR–living in a tenement with the bathroom down the hall and shaking roaches out of our shoes in the morning. It was the ugly underside of the Stepford tranquility of the “family values” late fifties.

ONE brave, gracious person redeemed it all: Louise Ferdell. She was a blithe, matronly woman of the sterotypically “invisible” type: granny, gray hair, etc. But she waltzed into that tenement, bearing 3 loaded sacks of groceries–then plonked herself down on the sole, ratty chair and proceeded to merrily, sensibly give us our pride back. She didn’t even dignify public opinion by flaunting it; she just ignored it.

People starve in lots of ways–and none of them are pretty. I’ve never seen a better example of quiet, brave, high-minded, warm-hearted, steel-spined applied Christianity.

May she rest in the peace she so richly earned.

Veb

10

Stood by me through thick and thin, accepted my flaws and eccentricities and was always there when I needed to talk, to figure things out, never condemning, making suggestions and observations and caring about me and liking me because of who I am.

11

I guess there’s not one major thing that I could post but a lot of little things that really got me out of some really dark times.
Not many people know exactly how close I was to doing a lot of bad stuff this past year. I got seriously depressed and I thought that nothing was going to change that. And it wasn’t one friend but a little group of them that I want to thank so much for dragging me out of that.
Abraham, sweetie, I love you, as a friend of course, we wouldn’t want Sumi to kill me. But even though I hated you for it at the time you did the right thing in not letting me hurt myself. Sure, I didn’t want to give you the ruler, and yeah, I know it couldn’t have been easy to get me not to hit myself. But you did it and I wanted to thank you for that. This boy listened to me whine and bitch about a guy that he really didn’t think was worth my time, but he let me get it all out for hours after school and I just want to thank him for all the caring and love he showed me.
Lucy, Hemly, Nancy… thanks. These girls sat with me through fits of crying, bawling, sobbing my eyes out, and even joined in sometimes. And Jerry, thanks to you too. When I was busy contemplating my own mortality and how easy it would be to pick up a razorblade and just end it… well my science partner was there to steal my journal and gel pens to write me letters and poetry and just the most adorable things. She would do anything it took to get me to smile even if it only lasted for that one class period. This is the girl that passed me notes for a full hour and a half…
“I heart Bebe”
A few minutes later
“Very much!”
Another little while
“hmmm… I think so…”
“ummm… still”
And so on until at the end she just gave me a big hug. With her notes and encouragment I couldn’t help but cheer up.

And then there’s Daniel. The kindest thing that anyone has ever done for me would be just being himself. Being there for me. Listening to me bawl, understanding me when no one else did, heck, they still don’t. But just the fact that he is the person that he is and there has never been a time that I could say that I couldn’t go crying to him without him offering at least a little rest from the storm, some solace, a bit of comfort. I love you more than you’ll ever know, sweetie.

Kitty

12

I met Sue my freshman year in high school. We have been the best of friends since we met.

We are twenty years removed from our high school graduation and I have not lived in Chicago for the past ten years, but she is still my best friend.

As my brother lay dying in the hospital in Chicago and I was in Cleveland, I called Sue to ask her if she would poke her head in at the hospital. I really thought my sister-in-law would enjoy a talk with her. (Sue’s husband had just died.)

Sue was there the next day, she brought pictures of her kids. (Everyone said that my brother smiled from ear to ear looking at those pictures.) My sister-in law got a chance to talk to her and it helped, if only for a little while.

I believe it was my destiny to have Sue as a friend. The visit to the hospital as well as her support during the wake and funeral will always be remembered as kind, compassionate and the definition of true frienship.

13

What wonderful stories! The neatest thing struck me in reading them, is much like ** robinh’s ** grammy blanket, all of our friends [& robin’s sister] are the variegated threads that give life such rich color. We are better people for knowing them.

** rivulus, ** I’m glad that your friend was quick to show you how important you were to her. * THAT * was the best part of the birthday present, but I know you know that already! :wink:

** Olentzero, ** I’m sure that Andrei’s generosity made it seem suddenly warmer in Russia for you. Thanks for sharing about his loyalty and sacrifice.

** Turbo Dog, ** I really liked your last line about ‘basking in nostalgia for awhile’. All these stories show not only the love and loyalty of your friends, but how each of you have treasured them back, in retelling, and holding them closer in your hearts.

** Veb, ** very few people who call themselves Christians, manage to epitomize what one actually is, one who sees not the situations of people, but empathizes and identifies with the humanity of those people. I find it mind boggling how the others in your story live with themselves.

** Fairy Princess Kitty ** it sounds like you’ve really had a tough year, I hope things are going better for you now.

** Cranky, ** we have wonderful hind sight, don’t we, but God Bless those who can be gentle, like Dave was with you. Hoping against hope for something, or someone to change can be absolute hell, and no one does it neatly.

** wring, ** I cannot even imagine how horrible it must have been for you to deal with your dad’s illness, and then, your mother’s sudden death. I love hearing about friends, who rather than saying ‘call me if you need anything’, just ** DO ** what you need without having to ask. Rod, Pam and Sue are those kinds of friends.

** Jane D’oh! ** we know why they are called ‘best’ friends don’t we? Thanks for sharing your story about you and Sue.

What a blessing it is to read about all these people, I hope everyone has enjoyed telling them, as much as I have reading about them.

14

When I was in college still, two of my friends were getting married. Obviously I was going to it, even if I hadn’t been part of the groomsmen. However, I do not drive because of eyesight, so getting there was going to be a problem. I was looking into Greyhound and such for the trip down. Several weeks away still, I wasn’t too worried, and opened up my e-mail. She’d mailed me, offering to drive up, collect me, and bring me back down several days beforehand. This was a four-hour trip, mind you.

It was one of the life-shaking moments in my memory. I’d known her husband-to-be since high school, and she and I had never talked much. I kept myself pretty distant from most people, the usual schtick with that sort of thing, humor as a shield instead of connection, and so forth. “I am a rock, I am yadda yadda.” It would never have even crossed my mind to ask such a thing, preparing for their wedding was their job, getting my butt down there was mine, so thunk Drastic ver. 1996. And yet, there it was. It was honest, it was clearly not something she felt she had to do, she simply thought highly enough of my friendship that she wanted to, and when I examined myself I didn’t quite see how it would rate so highly–but pretty much determined then to earn that it should.

All in all, it made me alter how I am with my friends, very much for the better. And even unintentionally driving that through armoring and into my head at that point in my life was a very nice thing indeed.

15

, , , and I like the ones everyone else related also.

Mine is from the year 1985, when I was divorcing my husband of almost ten years and moving into an apartment with my three daughters, aged two, four and six years old.

My brother-in-law and sister helped move the big stuff with their truck, and my younger brother helped also (I left the ex most of the furniture so it was mostly the kids beds and dressers we had to move).My friend Shara, who occasionally posts here, drove up to Minnesota from southern Illinois to help, and stayed the first few days with us. I’ll never forget that.

And my parents gave me a greeting card my mother found. On the front it said “In a divorce, there’s one thing you can count on. . .” and the inside said “me.”

16

Oh Spidy, what a lovely thing to do to show her love and support for you! Shara sounds like quite a blessing too, I guess that is the tough thing about life. THAT is when you find out what those around you are really made of, as you find it out about yourself too.

** Drastic, ** thanks for sharing your story about that trip, it IS hard to ask for help,[and I know you didn’t] and sometimes even tough to accept it, but, boy, how we grow closer to people when we learn to do both.

Thanks for the smiles you two gave me tonight, I just LOVE this topic!!

17

Without a lot of detail…
He understood why I did what I did. He let me walk away as much as I hurt both of us.
And another friend…

Told me it was ok to cry.