At the horse race, I bet all my money
on the fav’rite, a racer named Honey.
But my hunches must suck;
I lost three hundred bucks,
and the bookie thinks losers are funny!
A hundred men rattled their sabres;
A hundred men pounded their cabers.
The wise women think(s)
As they sip on their drink(s)
“Lord, this phallic display is belaboured(s).”
In the primordial ooze and the sun bred
The amoebic precursors to hundred
'Pon hundred life forms
Nay, in millions the swarms
Of the modern life methinks are kindred.*
*Yeh, it’s not a great rhyme. Hey, I just woke up – cut me some slack!
The primordial precursors to verse,
Were they cavemen who rattled at first
With one-syllable yak
Till cavewomen struck back
With the sesquipedalian* curse?
*I did indeed contemplate making this one of the link words, but I’m not that mean, even without my morning coffee. Bonus points if you can work it in!
The pre-sesquipedalian women
In one-syllable words were swimmin’
But a cavewoman great
Screamed out “ENUNCIATE!”
Thus were cavemen all cursed by cavewomen.
ARGH, that should just be words, not syllable words, or even syllable. I was trying for mixed doubles as far as not difficult/difficult for the linked words. Stupid sexy coding.
On a cell phone, it’s hard to be heard;
the static keeps garbling my words.
Though they’re enunciated,
I end up frustrated
when half of my message is slurred.
His memory is quite photostatic
But his logic is somewhat erratic;
So his listeners laugh
When he spouts off the half-
Baked deductions that make him ecstatic.
A singing drunk wove down the street,
stumbling over both lyrics and feet.
His listeners booed,
made catcalls and rude
remarks on his erratic beat.
(Yes, I know I’m straining the meter on that last line…ugh!)
I meant to boldface only “catcalls” and “wove” as linking words for the next limerick. It’s times like this I wish the admins would allow members to edit posts! sigh
With catcalls was poor Norden greeted
When coding goofs his post defeated.
They wove through his verse
When he saw, he did curse!
But at least 'twasn’t simulpost-peated.
The catcalls that came from the street
Were phrases both filthy and neat.
They wove 'round the head
Of the fellow in bed
And he found he had not been discreet.
The toddler was eagerly bound
To eat what he found on the ground
No matter how filthy,
Disgusting, unhealthy
He cared not – till mom came around.
I saw a young girl at the pound
Whose kitty had really been around
She said, “It’s disgusting
That my cat has been lusting
For birdies that don’t make a sound.”
Di that coding backwards, didn’t I?
NoClueBoy was lusting to play
At the limerick game, but oy veh!
As the keys he did pound
Got his coding turned round
And his linking, alas, went astray.
I rented a boat for a day
But my GPS sent us astray
Then I lost my car keys
While riding jet skis
Now i’ll never be leaving the bay
Once again, I rise to the defense of some words that, thanks to simulposts, were too long forsaken:
One evening, I did chance to peer
At the evening TV news broadcast here.
With undisguised rancor,
The divorced female anchor
Spoke – even shedding a tear.
“There will be no marriage of Ben
Affleck and J-Lo. But when
My ex-hubby caught me
With my lover, it taught me
That fortunes are squandered with men.”
Still unclaimed (as of this writing): coding, defeated, and NoClueBoy’s latest contributions
Nordén’s the last name, in reality;
female gender, Swede by nationality.
This verse may not connect,
but I thought I’d correct
ETF on the missed technicality.
[And now, for the verse that DOES link…]
“A jet flight’s unsafe,” complained Fred;
“I’ll book us a boat cruise instead.”
But the trip with his honey
cost them most of their money–
they returned fifteen grand in the red.
Norden, I apologize humbly
For blundering with you so dumbly.
As another whose gender
Has been through the blender
Here, what can I say? (Said Miss HumblyDumbly Fumbly)