The loneliest bird in the world

Once again, Albert the Albatross is building his love nest in keen anticipation of some hot feathery action. Unfortunately, he’s in the wrong half of the world, and has been for the past 40 years.

So cheer up singletons, things could be a lot worse…

Darwin was wrong. This is how new species get started.

[Walks around with a snacks tray hanging from his neck, in it is a large Albatross]

Albatross!..ALBATROSS!! get 'im while E’s fresh!..

I’m out-scoring an albatross. This is supposed to make me feel better why?

You aren’t having to rely on a freak meteorological event?

Wow, I didn’t realize albatrosses lived to be that old. I wonder what their life span is?

According to the BBC they can reach 70 years, and this one is about 47.

Poor li’l guy. Why couldn’t somebody chuck this guy in a pet taxi and give him a plane ticket to where the ladies are?

I guess Cupid got spooked reading Coleridge.

I wondered about that - they breed in the Falklands and the RAF send planes there all the time - but this is the rock he is on, and I can’t imagine anyone volunteering to clamber about there with a big net to try and catch an angry bird with a seven-foot wingspan.

Yanno, I thought about this long and hard and … no, it doesn’t help.

He’s been 40 years without getting any action. Forget about a net, just set out a big box with a high-def glossy photo of an attractive female albatross at the bottom, he’ll hop right in! Never underestimate the power of porn.