The Loner Vs. Showbiz

This is a bit too long, and it needs a second draft. But I just had to share it.

THE LONER VS. SHOWBIZ
Loner enters stage left.
Narrator: Once upon a dark and dreary night, our hero the loner was walking solemnly down a deserted stretch of highway. With desert all around him, he was beginning to wonder if he would ever make it.
Loner: I wonder if I will ever make it.
Narrator: Just then, a car came from out of nowhere, taking our hero by surprise!
Loner: Gasp!
Narrator: But still he remained vigilant.
Loner strikes a vigilant pose.
Narrator: But still slightly frightened.
Loner: Would you make up your mind?
Narrator: Sorry, just trying to make it sound cool.
Loner: Well it’s not working!
Narrator: Sorry, it won’t happen again.
Loner: It’d better not, or I’ll have you outta here quicker than you can snap your fingers!
Narrator: I assure you it won’t.
Loner: Good, continue.
Narrator: Ummmm……
Loner: What now?
Narrator: I forgot where I left off.
Loner mutters several curses
Narrator: Oh right! Here it is. But still slightly frightened.
Loner: Oh for Pete’s sake!
Narrator: What’d I do now?
Loner: Did you hear anything I just said?
Narrator: Uh, yeah.
Loner: What did I say then?
Narrator: Oh for pete’s sake!
Loner: Before that!
Narrator: Umm, I don’t think I should say that in a children’s comic book…
Loner lets out something between a howl and a scream
Loner: Who stuck me with this jerk?!
Director: Is there a problem?
Loner: Is that the director?
Director: Yup.
Loner: Where have you been!? This man has been absolutely butchering the script!
Director: Oh, sorry. I was having lunch with your agent.
Agent: Hey babe! Lookin’ good!
Loner: We need to talk. I am THE one-and-only Winford Willis! An actor! And this material stinks!
Agent: I know, babe. Me and the director were just talking about exactly that. And we’ve come to
exactly the same conclusion. The material is absolutely horrible. Starting tomorrow your costume will be made of the purest silk. You like that, babe?
THE one-and-only Winford Willis: Costume?! You want ME to wear a costume?! ME?! THE one-and-only Loner?!
Director: I thought you were “THE one-and-only Winford Willis”?
THE one-and-only Winford Willis/THE -one-and-only Loner: Same difference! Now listen, I’ve been working in this-
Driver: Umm, how long do I have to sit here? I’ve got a spot in the Speed Racer comic in ten minutes.
Director: Just a minute Driver, this won’t take long.
THE one-and-only Winford Willis/THE one-and-only Loner: I beg to differ!
Driver: Hey! I have a name you know!
Agent: Actually, babe, we really do need to speed this up…
Director: Oh, I’m sorry, what is your name… Mr. errrrr Driver person?
THE one-and-only Winford Willis/THE one-and-only Loner: I will use your time as much as I like! I’m the only reason you have that house in Beverly Hills you love so much! And would you PLEASE tell the Narrator to give it a rest!? Wiford Willis or The Loner will suffice.
Mr. errrrr Driver person: I am THE Driver, thank you very much!
Agent: Can we talk about this later Winford Loner Willis?
Director: Okay…
Narrator: Sorry, I’m just trying to keep up.
Wilford Willis or The Loner: Please, don’t use my middle name.
THE Driver: That’s better…
Agent: Your middle name is Loner?
Director: I am SO lost right now.
Narrator: You and me both.
Wilford Willis or The: My parents were… odd…
THE Driver: Although I don’t need the whole thing to be in Caps, The Driver will do.
Agent: Hmm, certainly does explain a few things.
Director: I’m starting to have second thoughts about this comic…
Narrator: Poppycock!
In Unison: Poppycock?!
Narrator: Sorry, I had to say something. I was starting to feel left out.
Director: That’s it. This is too much. You’re all fired!
The stage is engulfed in flames
Director: Much better. How do you feel about getting a second lunch? I’m getting a bit peckish myself.
Agent: Sounds good. Sushi?
Director: Beautiful. Shall we?
Agent: We shall.
The agent and the director depart.
Narrator: Ahh, alone at last. Now to do with this script what I’ve always wanted to do.
The curtain drops as the stage is filled with pigs in tutus.

Well, there you have it. My big literary achievement. If this doesn’t work I’ll just try writing Penthouse letters instead. Hmmm, I wonder if that comes with benefits?

Freak, that is brilliant. Just one suggestion: Boldface the titles (Director and so on).

Thank ye kindly, I’ll make a note of that.