My favorite ever was the concrete contractor who was explaining to me how when they place rebar, they had to be precise how they intercoursed it throughout where the pour was going to be.
I think he meant she was cold, hard, and way out in space.
So that’s what all the holes in those load-bearing pillars are for.
I used to have a coworker who was a fount of malapropish utterances.
Once she told me that she was going to the doctor because she had aches in her “lineaments and tenderloins.” I think this was probably “ligaments and tendons,” but I had learned from experience that it was useless to attempt a gentle correction with this person, so I told her that I was sorry she had pain, and I hoped the doctor would be able to help.
When my son was younger, we’d go out sometimes for breakfast. The waitress would ask him what he wanted to eat.
“Pantycakes!”
Can’t get him to say it nowadays, however.
My wife constantly mangles cliches and adages. When we were first dating, I was a sportscaster for a local TV station. I wrote a short commendary about a now obsucre controversy in baseball and said that if any other team had been involved, “well, that would be a horsehide of a different color.” My then-girlfriend asked me later what that meant, so I explained that baseballs were traditionally made of horsehide, and I was making a play on the cliche “horse of a different color.” Her mind processed that and, 35 years later, she occasionally calls something “a different-colored baseball altogether.”
She also has reversed the meaning of “baker’s dozen” to “baker’s half-dozen” (which is, I guess, about 6 1/2 doughnuts?) Others:
About our children: “Give 'em an inch, they’ll take years off your life.”
About challenges in life: “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you wish it had.”
About me: “It’s hard to have a good man around the house.”
I dunno – on second thought, maybe those aren’t malapropisms after all!
My brother-in-law occasionally mentions the dread disease; e-boli! He still does even after I pointed out that he’s conflating e-coli and ebola.
My ex used to annoy me with, “That’s a crock-o-bull”.
I think my favorite was when I was a teenager, and my 8-year-old brother had just gotten his hair cut really short. My older brother and I called it a buzz job. My little brother then went into the living room and announced to my mother that he had gotten a blow job. The look on her face was priceless.
Drat. According to dictionary.com I can’t be sure you did that on purpose. 
“She was a font of wisdom and good sense”
“a fount of inspiration to his congregation”
I guess it’s inconclusive.
Anyhoo, I know a number of people who would refer to the childhood disease as “chicken pops”.
He’s serious! E-boli is the mutant spawn of e-coli and ebola! Trust me, you don’t any of that. 
Earlier in the thread someone mentioned “keep your eyes pierced” is that off of “keep your eyes peeled”? For some reason “pierced” doesn’t sound wrong to me. Though it doesn’t really sound right, either…
Not sure if it exactly fits, but an ex- of mine used to say, when we were behind schedule, “Put a move on it.”
When it came to him, I did. And often.
Witnessed a reverse malapropism from a former co-worker a while back.
She and my boss disagreed over some point of fact, and upon checking the relevant reference books, they found that she was right.
My boss: “I stand corrected.”
Co-worker: “God, you are such a jerk! Why can’t you just admit you were wrong?”
I’m embarrassed to admit that that I engaged in a bit of malapropism in a song I wrote a number of years back.
The couplet was supposed to read:
Are you happy
Seeking solace in the reaches of your soul?
What I wrote – and actually sang and recorded – was:
Are you happy
Seeking solstice in the reaches of your soul?
I can’t even spin that into having some deep and obscure meaning because it doesn’t make a damn bit of sense in any context.
You can listen to it here. Second verse. (Yes, it sounds like crap. Amateur software, crap mic, and I’m sure Simon Cowell would have something biting and acerbic to say about my singing, never mind my lyrics. :D)
When I was a boy, my dad would sometimes take me shopping for clothes before school started.
When I was trying on pants, he would always ask me if they were too small around the waist or too tight in the crouch.
rereads thread title
Aw, man! I thought this was the Maplethorpe Thread!
My FIL was the king of malapropisms, two memorable ones.
When WifeProbe and I were dating he suggested she see a genealogist and get on birth control.
After we were married and looking at houses he thought we should look into one of those Nodular homes.
I sure miss him…
My aunt once came home from the doctor, and said she had a hyena hernia.
Mmm… pantycakes. My favorite. You can actually order those at certain… less than reputable establishments.
There’s a song I’ve recently heard on the radio.
“…if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you twice…”
I crack up every time.
In Kentucky (and perhaps other places too) the county governmental body is called the fiscal court, presided over by the top elected official in the county, the county judge/executive. Elected members are magistrates.
I cannot tell you the number of people that refer to it as the physical court. Right down to the secretary of my own father, who was the county attorney in a small Kentucky county. Of course she’d type “fiscal” on official documents, but she’d say “physical” every darn time.
Of course, she always asked people to put their “John Henry” on documents, too, which I could only deduce was supposed to be John Hancock, countrified.
(My dad, by the way, liked to play with these archaic-sounding terms. He’d forever call the sheriff the “shire reeve,” which is apparently the old- or middle-English word it’s derived from. (Anybody got an OED, or know?)
Yes and yes – your dad was right.