I was watching Yogi Berra on a commercial and I thought I’d pose the question. What are some of the funniest malapropisms you’ve come across? I thought you all must have heard some good ones!
The use of prawns in a game of chess.
(why is this in GQ???)
Del Boy, in * Only fools & horses* is the real master of these…
But can I think of any quotes at the moment… Later.
That would be a SPOONERISM, Mr Datrix 
Malapropisms . . . Spoonerism. Whatever. It’s still IMHO.
I crack me up, I always say "well, we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it…mixed metaphor…heh…heh. Okay, not that funny I guess, but I still crack me up. I say it with a straight face.
Man, reading these makes me feel like a fish out of hell. Or a bat out of water. Remembering which is no walk in the cake.
OK, all of these are from the same person, and I’ve seen them in writing.
Escape-goat, self-of-steam, urinarilly incompetent, “always excepting me for what I am” and a bunch more I can’t remember…
MC$E
I once went out with a girl who came out with these all the time.
Referring to a musician friend who was headlining at a jazz club: “Yeah, we’re going to see Dave at the club, he’s mainlinining tonight”.
Referring to a friend’s habit of putting herself down and lacking confidence: “She’s always coming out with these self-defecating comments”.
Explaining that she was arguing the opposing view just for the sake of it: “Okay, but just to play Devil’s avocado for a minute…”
All genuine.
ianzin, I went out with a girl who remarked on my “self-defecating” humor. I’ve never been to London, though. She also expressed frustration with all the “minimal-wage” jobs available. The best, though was my childhood friend Lenny (I believe everyone should have a childhood friend named Lenny). He was afraid of spiders, and when we brought one near him (as we frequently did, of course), he would say, “Come on, you know I’m * petranoid * of those things.”
The checkout girl who kept telling me she needs to “get a prescription” for Cosmopolitan magazine as she was ringing up my copy…
That’s funny, Boscibo, when I worked at a drugstore in high school, people were always asking for their subscriptions.
My sister is never going to live this down…
The lyrics went…“Watching the chickens peck the groud.”
She went (at the top of her lungs)…“WATCHING THE PICKENS CHECK THE GROUND!”
Is a bear Catholic? and, conversely, does the Pope poop in the woods?
I recently said “That was many moons ago, as the crow flies.”
I’m a big fan of word play.
I had a landlord once who told me he lived across the street from a man who was a repercussionist with the symphony.
I was in a car once when someone commented:
“* I know this road like a house on fire…”*
In a Supermarket I once worked in as a student an announcer, over the PA system in the whole store, once said…
" Greetings Turkeys, your Christmas customers are now available for collection. Thank you…"
Every one a classic.
I really wish I could remember who said this:
“Close? Close only counts in hand-shoes and horse-grenades!”
I always thought the “correct” saying made little sense: We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
If the bridge is there, our problem is solved. So shouldn’t we say, We’ll cross that river when we come to it?
After a Mike Tyson fight years ago when he was on top, during the ring interview he had been asked about how things had gone how he was feeling, etc., and was obviously trying to puncuate his remarks with “I can’t complain” but instead he kept repeating things like “I don’t know, I can’t explain.”