A cow-orker felt she deserved proper constipation for her work. Actually, I kinda agreed with her.
“Don’t weigh anchor until you are out of the woods”.
The Daily Show recently made fun of an FBI guy for mixin’ metaphors. “The FBI’s Mixed Metaphors Unit: they’re the first ones in…until the fat lady sings.”
Do the famed goofups of Ralph Kiner and Jerry Coleman count, or are those just dumb mistakes?
Coleman:
Rich Folkkers is throwing up in the bullpen.
There’s a deep fly ball, Winfield goes back, he hits his head on the wall! It’s rolling back towards second base!
Kiner:
Today’s is Father’s Day, so we’d like to wish all you fathers out there Happy Birthday.
I note a tune of sarcasm…
(said very seriously complete with raised eyeball)
My sister’s girlfriend claimed her boyfriend “took her for granite”.
Now that’s what I call a hardbody. 
My wife says funny stuff all the time, but that’s because English is not her first language. The one that really cracked me up was when we were travelling and we stopped at a mini-mart.
“Oh, can you get me some wormy-bears?”
I loved it so much, I now always call gummi candy (be they worms, bears, or whatever) “wormy-bears”
Yeah, I have it down packed (pat).
A friend once offered me praise saying I was a real pseudo-intellectual. I think he thought that since it was a bigger word, it meant “more” intellectual.
My mother mixes up words all the time. My favorite is ‘quoth the raisin.’
My mother-in-law, whom I love dearly, is a very bright lady, but sometimes a trifle dingy. She had trouble with her dogs’ names, frequently calling them by her sons’ names, or spoonering their names (Tuffy and Baron were often Buffy and Taron). To avoid this problem, she often called them nonsense names - Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Frick and Frack… you get the idea.
So one night we’re all over there for dinner and both dogs got loose and ran through the dining room, knocking over a small table in their wake. MIL hollered, “OH, YOU TWO! Hey! Twit and Twat!”
It took her YEARS to live that one down.
I used to play chest with my grandpa.
Someone around here recently referred to something as the “pentacle of idiocy,” which, to me, sounds like a kick-ass thing to have handy in a fantasy game.
My sister commented on the “cockpit of an AK-47.”
Hey, it sounds like an aircraft, right?
Right?
I agree totally. That’s why I always say:
“When we get to that river, we’ll build a bridge, cross it, and then burn it down once we’re safely on the other side.”
I am nothing if not thorough.
Pentacle of Idiocy
and
Devil’s Avocado
Band Names!
I don’t want to start another of those ‘in-jokes’ that we all get sick of, like the List / hi Opal thing, but I do think ‘Pentacle of Idiocy’ is too good to let fade. It could become something that we award to each other for really dumb posts or those times when we massively fail to understand the point.
Seen in a recent email from a co-worker who is prone to these sorts of things:
“I guess I’m just a gluten for punishment”
People in my office are also fond of saying:
“Let’s take another tact.”
That ones drives me crazy, but the General Manager says it too, so I can’t exactly take a freaky when I hear it.
My mother, who is getting more forgetful in her old age, refers to herself as having Old timer’s disease
While discussing programming with a friend, he mentioned that a common typo would cause the program to act “erotically”.
Must be an interesting program!