The Menstral Hut - A Spa for Women

Our ancient foremothers, in their infinite wisdom, saw fit to seperate themselves from the rest of the community during their menses, consorting only with other women at that special time. As Magdalene pointed out in the PMT thread currently running in the Pit, this was a great idea for women who could relax and hang out with their friends, temporarily relieved of the day-to-day duties facing them the other 24 days of the the lunar month. And I expect the menfolk benefited as well, although they did co-opt the idea, claiming that they forced the women out for being unclean. Yeah, right.

Anyhow, ladies, it occurs to me that it is time to regain the wisdom of our ancestors and create a modern Menstraly Hut - the ultimate spa for women at that time of the month. I expect to be winning the lottery anyday now and plan to run the MH as a non-profit org, but I need some help with the details. The amenities thus far will include:

Custom-built heated massage reclining chairs

Circulating whirlpool tubs

Screening rooms with continual showings of chick-flicks for every mood, from Bette Davis & Joan Crawford bitch-fests to weepies like “Terms of Endearments” to revenge fantasies like “Thelma & Louise”

NO MIRRORS!

An all-female staff ready to provide sympathy and bucking-up (“have you been losing weight?”)

Dining rooms without salad bars

By special request, well-built young men will rub your feet and back, all the while murmuring apologies for everything he can think of.

All furniture has built-in caches of Godiva chocolates.

A metal detector - no guns allowed, please.

Okay, what am I forgetting? Remember, it’s your spa, designed to grant your every whim.

Big comfy chairs with lots of fluffy pillows
Aromatherapy wafting through the air
Special Bitch sessions where you can say guilt-free, really really mean things until you feel better

Don’t forget the child care area.

What? You’re not thinking of leaving the brats with Dad for a week, are you?

Maybe a ban on pantyhose? (I hear women don’t like 'em.)

Midol in the water supply? Valium? 'Ludes?

It would be spelled correctly - “Menstrual Hut”. And it would be covered by our insurance. And even though your period may only last two days, you get to spend the whole week.

StG

Diaphanous (sp?) robes to make us feel like the goddesses we are when we feel like wearing clothes.

Big beds with lots of covers that we can steal with impunity and don’t have to listen to whining.

Throw in a well stocked open bar and I’m there.

Massages by buff male CMT’s that could double for {insert hollywood heart throb beefcake you drool over here}

Free liposuction and boob replacement.

Ya know, there is a current book out called “The Red Tent” that deals with this in a small biblical kinda way. The book wasn’t that great, but the concept was.

Ok, also included down at the hut would be:

books, lots and lots of books
a fireplace with a big fluffy soft rug in front of it
no calories would count during your stay
kitties that would curl up at your feet
no phones

As a moderator, you’re required to read a lot of threads. Possibly all of them, if you’ve got the time to spare.

I think this would be a fine time and location to point out what that actually means at times. It means reading threads like this as well. A menstrual hut? “Terms of Endearment”? Somebody please shoot me now.

:wink:

Of course, all the usual spa ammenities are included, too.

Seaweed wraps (helps with the bloating)
Reflexology (ow! oh, that’s my uterus?)
Sea salt, eucaplytus oil & loofa rub (to get your skin all shiny)
Warm River-Stone Massage (smooth stones, warmed to 110°, used in the best–hold on–even better-than-chocolate experience you’ll ever have)
Facials (for those who get problem skin during that time of month)
And, just because they’re a good thing-- Manicures & Pedicures.

A chef to create very decadent, rich food for those fat cravings.

I’ll handle the desserts, which means lots and lots of chocolate for everyone.

A (small) gym in back, full of punching bags, and a batting cage, for those moments when you need to hit something.

A bartender that can make a killer Cosmopolitan.

There’s a pleasant thought – a Jacuzzi filled with menstruating women. I hope you’re planning to pay your cleaning staff well. :eek:

You know, they have these amazing new things called tampons.

I’ll volunteer as masseuse!

You’d have a sex-change to help out poor, suffering women?? How incredibly noble of you…

I’d like to add a trampoline or a balance beam. I like to jump on things when I’m mad! I find it releases a lot of stress!! :slight_smile:

I will add greasy potato chips (with ruffles!) and chip dip for those salt cravings. mmmmmmmmm!!!

And do away with flourescent lighting; only sun lamps in our hut, please? :slight_smile:

jr8 wrote:

Just a little edification - the principles of physics apply here. The pressure of the water keeps everything in … so not to worry!

I’d like some headphones to play music for whatever mood I happen to be in at the moment … and, can I bring my dog? He’s a guy, but he can’t help it. :slight_smile:

A supply of eggs to throw in those angry moment. The satisfying splat as they break open in the sink gives such a sense of satisfaction.

featherbeds, no alarm clocks…naptime every afternoon…

yeah, I can handle this.

[sub]of course at the rate I’m going, I’ll never get to use it. It would be immaculate if I were pregnant, so I’m not worried about that, but dang! going on 3 months now. Of course, I still get the PMS. [/sub]

All I want is cramp medicine that actually works. Of course, comfortable clothing isn’t such a bad thing. Also, a huge mall in which to shop.