How do you lose weight?
I’m pretty sure we all know the basic method - eat less and exercise more. Discounting those who have actual medical conditions, it seems that the simple ‘energy in must be less than energy out’ equation should work for almost everyone* - (maybe not for you personally if you have certain conditions - but for the majority of people).
So, given that the way to lose weight is no secret, why do so many people fail?
I’ve failed in the past because of the following reasons:
-I don’t like denying myself
-I feel like it’s useless when I don’t see results
-I feel overwhelmed when contemplating a complete lifestyle change
-I’m lazy and don’t want to exercise
-I’m guilty of preferring instant gratification over long-term effort
My failures all seem to come down to my thoughts. I think myself out of losing weight. I (currently and in the past) don’t have the right mindset for successful weightloss. There’s plenty of info about what foods to eat/ portions/ exercises to lose weight, but not much about how to get your commitment/ motivation/ whatever/ brain screwed on right for weight loss success.
I know I have to lose weight. I know the method that will work. I just don’t know how to mentally ‘get there’, so that it’s successful this time.
To all those who have lost weight - how did you do it? Not the mechanics (food and exercise), but the mental approach.
*Disclaimer: I know there is huge debate over different theories about the most effective way to lose weight using the time of meals, the type of meals, the content of meals, etc and that some people have more resistance to shifting weight than others due to their own personal biochemical makeup. However, it appears to me that all these factors are details (or mechanisms to make it easier to stick to the weight loss) and not the main determining cause of weight loss - energy in and energy out. If you disagree with this please start another thread, as I’d prefer to concentrate on the mental side of weight loss in this thread.
I wish I had something to say that would help, but there is no mysterious secret. I just decided to do it, and I did it. Spending an hour in the gym every day is hard, but it’s worth it. Denying myself many of my favourite foods and snacks is hard, but it’s worth it.
If there is anything I could say to help, I guess it would be that you have to stop thinking about the change so much. If you consider skipping exercise or eating something unhealthy to be an option, it becomes much more painful to exercise and eat right. Think of it as if you were allergic to unhealthy foods. Simply realize that those aren’t in your life anymore, end of story.
I wish I could put the right attitude in a bottle and sell it, because you’re right. It’s all in your head.
I can’t tell you what made me finally get serious about losing weight. Partly it was my doctor taking away my birth control pills due to high blood pressure. Life sucks for me without them. My uterus is not my friend. My ovaries are plotting against me. My endometrium is . . . Okay, nevermind.
Once I’d decided to lose weight, though, that was it. I didn’t need any gimmicks or plans or anything. I called it the “Stop eating crap that’s bad for me” diet. You’d have to be mentally defective to be an adult in this society and not know what food is bad for you. So I stopped eating that stuff. Lost 15 pounds over several months. (I didn’t really track my weight that closely so I can’t give you better figures.) Blood pressure came down. BC pills came back. Everybody happy.
My weight started to drifting back up, and I heard about fitday.com, so I decided to give that a shot. Recording everything I eat requires more effort that the “Stop eating crap that’s bad for you” diet, but I can eat crap that’s bad for me in moderate amounts every once in a while. Trading one kind of discipline (consistently refusing fattening food) for the other (consistently recording my diet), I guess, and I can’t decide if the fitday approach really has any longevity. But ultimately it’s not the technique that matters.
There’s just a kind of quiet certainty I got when I knew I was serious about it. It wasn’t the fervent “Gosh darn it, I really am going to lose weight this time!” attitude I’ve had launching into diets in the past. Maybe it’s maturity, or being really 100% convinced that losing weight would improve my life (the first time because it would get me my pills back, the second because I’d seen the positive changes in my life that came from dropping excess weight.) Like I said, I wish I could put it in a bottle, or that there was a magic phrase that could open other people’s eyes to it, but if there was a way to do it, there’d be no multi-kajillion dollar diet industry, eh?
I’m afraid to say so because it’s rather negative and discouraging, but I don’t think you should look outside yourself for the answers. I think it has to be you, deep down, who is ready to make the change. The system you use is almost completely irrelevant. There may be some tools that provide useful guidance, but no plan can impose discipline on you.
Initially, I didn’t like excercising either. I think the key (at least in my case) to being able to stick to an active lifestyle is finding sports you enjoy and training to get better at that sport–ideally by finding an amateur club dedicated to it, because the social aspect is very helpful.
Are there any aerobic activities you enjoy? Cycling? Rowing? Basketball? Tennis? Swimming? (I won’t say running, because if you’re not already in good shape, you probably won’t like running…)
Hmmmmm. Priceguy, that’s exactly what I was hoping the answer wouldn’t be! Bummer. I’m prone to overthinking stuff, so you may be onto something there - but now I want to think about the whole ‘not an option/not part of your life anymore’ approach you raised!
I wish you could bottle and sell it too, Podkayne! I was sure it is all in my head. Or rather, it’s all in the heads of those who’ve been successful - it’s not in my head, and that’s my problem! I was likening it to when I quit smoking, but didn’t want to bring that up in my OP, as you can completely abstain from smoking, but can’t do that with eating. Still, every time I unsuccessfully quit smoking I was trying so hard to quit and failing - when I finally was successful, something did ‘click’ in my head and the actual quitting wasn’t anywhere near as hard as it was the previous times. Just like your quiet certainty as opposed to the previous fervent efforts you spoke about! That describes exactly how I felt when I quit - I already felt like a non-smoker as I stubbed out my last ciggie. Every time I’ve tried to lose weight, it’s been hard, so hard, and every time I’ve failed. I’m desperately trying to get that mental ‘click’ to happen so I can be successful. That quiet certainty (or the path towards it) is what I’m seeking, but can’t find.
When I get my head in the right place, that’s an excellent idea, Metacom. If exercise is going to be part of your life instead of something that you ‘should’ do, it should be something you enjoy. Cycling sounds appealing, as does a sociable team sport like hockey or softball - I’ll check on local teams when it’s time. Thanks for the tip!
Anyone else have any clues or ideas about the mentality of losing weight?
This was exactly like it was for me when I lost a large amount of weight. The problem is, now that some of that weight has crept back on, I can’t seem to get back into that frame of mind. I go into diets thinking "did it last time, should be easy (almost said “piece of cake” there!) and it never is. A bit discouraging, and it tends to lead to faddishness. But Priceguys, for my money, got it absolutely right. It happens when it happens and it happens because it happens.
First a quick affirmation of previous posters–I lost weight when I decided to. We do what’s most important to us–and when it was important, it got done. It’s not that different from other lifestyle changes. My weight loss resulted from three big decisions. I will eat healthy food. I will exercise. I will speak positively to myself. These, of course, require myriads of daily choices that are (most of the time) consistent with the big decisions.
But what gets people to the decision point?
For me, at least, I finally saw my weight as a choice–a choice I was making to soothe my emotions and shield myself from social situations. I got sufficiently angry, depressed, etc. to say “this has to stop.”
So, perhaps, you need to ask yourself the rather difficult question: “What do I get out of being overweight?” I know I had to look the answer in the face and accept that at least part of me wanted to be heavy.
Once the big decision is made, it takes some of the pressure off of the daily choices. Perhaps an analogy will help. I’ve decided (big decision) to be married. Therefore, although I face daily choices to look at other men, to run off to Alaska, etc., these choices (usually) don’t require a lot of debate. Similarly, I face daily choices about whether to eat a plate of brownies or skip my walk. But, since I’ve made the big commitment, these choices (usually) don’t require a lot of debate.
And a quick last word–Losing weight is very personal, so if the above piffle doesn’t resonate, just let it slide. Above all, beating yourself up mentally and emotionally is a barrier to weight loss.
True, but you can abstain from foods you know are bad for you. If you can identify the foods in your diet that are high in calories and low in nutrients and cut them out. Period. No “I’m gonna try to eat less junkfood,” or “I’m cutting down to french fries once a week,” or “I’ll only have half the usual amount of ice cream.” Nope. Cut them out completely. Replace them with something more nutritious or eliminate them.
Once I did this, I found that I stopped craving them, and, in fact, I just can’t eat them any more. Eating more than a couple bites of a candy bar makes me feel sick to my stomach. (I treat myself with a very small amount of very, very dark chocolate.) I can’t drink sugared soda. It tastes syrupy and makes me feel ill. I no longer like cheese on my sandwiches. (Now, a small amount of really good cheese, that’s different.) Instead of ice cream, I actually prefer some nonfat yogurt mixed with fruit and a little bit of honey.
French fries, though . . . I still crave french fries. sigh
I actually trained myself (with moderate success) to enjoy the sensation of mild hunger; rather than giving in to it and snacking, I tried to think of it as just physical anticipation of the next proper meal.
Also, if I don’t start eating, I don’t get hungry for a long time; at the moment, I’m eating one good meal a day at about 6pm and that’s all I seem to need or desire.
Not making excuses is also important; if you’ve decided to eat less, you need to eat less, now, not later; treating yourself to a snack and reasoning that you’ll make up for it by eating less later just never works.
This is pretty much exactly my experience too. Your tastes change. I still like to eat some candy (very occasionally and never on any kind of stable schedule but rather when the situation warrants), but I simply have no wish to gorge myself anymore. These “cheat meals” are also rapidly getting less and less worth it, as all they do is bring the craving back.
Oh yeah. I don’t know what it is about the evil yellow sticks, but for some reason I still can’t imagine anything better than sitting down with a plate of really greasy kebab meat and french fries.
Another thing for The Falling Cow: never think of losing weight as “difficult”. “Difficult” implies that there is a risk of failure. There isn’t. If you eat unhealthy or skip exercise you didn’t fail; you chose to do so. It’s not like throwing a dart and sometimes you hit the bullseye and sometimes you don’t. There’s doing it, and not doing it, and it is a choice every step of the way.
In that sense, losing weight is tremendously easy. It’s impossible to fail. You just have to decide if being able to eat whatever you want and lying around is worth more to you than losing weight. If it is, cheers and enjoy. If it isn’t, change your diet for life and start exercising. If you want any advice, my email’s in my profile.
I’m glad it works for you, but this runs counter to pretty much every piece of professional advice I’ve seen. Dieting usually works best when you eat small meals often. I eat something every three hours, with three bigger meals every day.
The mental part is the key. You’re on the right track. For me, it was a few thngs I always kept in mind:
“I’m sick of being overweight”.
This is a biggie. You have to be comitted to losing the weight. Plain and simple, you have to want to… deep down …for real. Personally I was sick of buying bigger and bigger clothes. I was sick of all the associated hurts and pains that came with being big. I was starting to have a hard time tying up my own shoes and decided “that’s it… no more of this shit”.
“The (food of your weakness) isn’t going anywhere”.
I didn’t deny myself. That’s setting yourself up to fail. Nobody can deny them selves totally. I like the “weight Watchers” philosophy of a ‘free’ day each week (after a while you crave the bad stuff less and less anyway). But each time I wanted to eat something really bad, I reminded myself “it’s not going anywhere. I’ll pass on this particular piece of cake because I’m working on improving myself right now, but the entire world isn’t going to lose the recipe for cake by the time I come out the other side.” There will be another cake… I promise. And you can have it once you’re done (losing weight is a different game to maintaining weight).
I also found a lot of inspiration in athletes, in particular people who have triumphed over adversity.
I’d look at athletes and think “that guy is 29 and look at him playing in the NFL. I’m the same age and can’t get my ass off the couch other than to get another beer. Why is that? He’s no more genetically predisposed to athleticism than I…” (Ok, maybe that’s not true, but you see the point).
Then look a people like Lance Armstrong. Here’s this guy who’s beaten cancer for chrissake, and he’s cycling across france on a regular basis (and doing it better and faster than everyone else).
Oh, one thing to add here. I never once went hungry while losing weight. I found plenty of satisfaction in eating better foods. I ate vegetables until my eyes bled (almost) then I ate more. By all means feel free to eat yourself sick on veggies.
I also discovered… now you may want to sit down for this; it’s ground-breaking news: I could cure a sweet tooth craving with (gasp) a bowl of strawberries, or raspberries or a peach or… well, you get the idea. (Took me a while to realise that a bowl of raspberries is far better tasting than a rasberry jelly-filled doughnut; it’s true I swear!)
Try Light Jell-o if you must have chemicals. Air popped popcorn with that 0 calorie spray-on butter substitue (Becel) is great. Pick up a recipe book or two and you’ll find that there are now thousands of good dishes you can make that blow any fast-food crap out of the water in terms of taste (and nutrition, and cost). The days of ‘healthy food = crappy taste’ are long gone. Some of the dishes I’ve had rival the food in some of the finest restaurants I’ve ever eaten.
And, just for the record, I’ve lost just shy of 100 pounds to date.
Huh. I found it’s always easy to not exercise or eat crap I shouldn’t. No matter when it is, I can find an excuse to do it–it’s the weekend, time for a pizza. Sunny day? I should be relaxing outside? And, heck, since it’s sunny I should grab some ice cream. Ad fricking nauseum.
The “trick” is to just butch up and do what you have to do when that happens. I exercise after work whether I feel like it or not. When I’m dieting off a spare bit of weight, I’m always craving something I won’t let myself have. The whole point of doing this sort of thing is going against your natural inclinations–waiting to “feel like” something is a good recipe to get fat(ter). You just go and do it, even if it doesn’t always feel like something you want to do.
Oh, and scheduling regular “cheat” meals is helpful to get rid of cravings before they build up into something truly horrific and damaging.
Y’know, if it works, it works. Everybody’s different. Really, it’s calories in vs calories out at the end of the day that matters.
The bajillion small meals throughout the day approach just drives me insane after a while. Sure, you never get a chance to feel hungry, but you never feel full either. Plus it’s easier for me to schedule in two big meals a day instead of six tiny ones and having a big meal ahead of me gives me something to look forward to during the hungry bits.
For the most part, professionals are full of it anyway.
Having done the full up down cycle several times all I can tell you is that has to be some point where you say “enough is enough” and get to it. Being fat and heavy really, really, really sucks but does it suck enough to give up the pleasure and comfort food provides? That’s the break point. The scary thing is how long a person can make the decision by default to stay at high weights. I’ve spent years there before coming back down, and then you look at your huge old clothes and try to wrap your head around the mentality that kept you there. It’s almost scary what people learn to tolerate.
Re things that work only one method has ever worked consistently for me and that’s counting calories daily along with exercise (walking specifically). One without the other is lot more difficult than either alone as they tend to reinforce each other.
You’re right; I should probably say that I don’t recommend anybody try it for themselves; I’ve had all kinds of people express horror at what I must be doing to myself, talking about blood sugar crashes and so on; just doesn’t seem to happen for me - my body just starts burning some of the reserved fat.
The biggest problem is that it doesn’t really encourage a sustainable eating pattern; it’s all too easy to switch between starving myself and binge eating (although with willpower, it’s possible to come out of the self-imposed starvation into a more moderate scheme, it just takes, again, more determination)
What worked for me was really wanting to lose weight. Yeah, yeah, I know that sounds really obvious - but what I mean is, I wanted to be thin MORE than I wanted that doughnut, or that packet of crisps. It was the same when I quit smoking - I wanted not to get chest infections 6 times a year more than I wanted a cigarette. Unlike some other posters, I still crave unhealthy food from time to time, but I want to keep feeling this good about myself far more.
It is much easier to quit an addiction than to moderate one. Alcohol, nicotine, heroin; these are things you can stop putting into your body. You can’t stop eating.
