I did not have a good day.
Fortunately for my students, I don’t have an AK.
It’s like, the royal “we,” man.
When I walked into work this morning, I could not help but notice that the man heading down the corridor in front of me had a bad case of bodily stench.
What’s noteworthy is that when I left my office 5 minutes later and passed down that same corridor, the stench was still hanging in the air.
When your B.O. has reached a stage that it leaves a lingering miasma in an open space, it is time to bathe.
Mr. Seward could get you one for cheap.
My finely attuned Doper senses tell me that there’s a story here. Care to share?
ETA: NM. Think I found it
Dear Professor:
I am fully aware that your class is the only one that matters, as you have told us several times. However, your recent assignment is unreasonable. (During the last week before finals, when everything else is due and people have meetings and project work booked around the clock, eating and sleeping only when not doing so would mean going to the hospital, he pulls a major project out of his ass Monday morning, due Friday morning, where 26 people must somehow make a cohesive 20-30 page RFP for a problem he won’t define)
Also, if people got fired in the “Real World” for all the offenses you claim they do, (this list includes misspelling words, too many commas, using the word “impact”, and asking for additional direction on a project) no one would ever have stable and meaningful employment. Additionally, this is a Computer Science/Information Systems course. Having been in the “Real World” workplace, and seen first hand examples of the types of documents that get sent out of technically-oriented departments, I must point out that you are full of shit.
You can be funny as hell, but are a giant jerk.
Maybe I’ll suggest that to this store’s management.
Drugs I took over the course of about six hours last night, from about 5 PM on: 1000mg of ibuprofen, two Excedrin Migraine caplets (500mg each of Acetaminophen and aspirin), 500mg of Extra Strength tylenol, 50mg of Benadryl, and 3mg of melatonin. My stomach’s still kind of upset.
Migraines can fuck the hell off and drown their painful selves in a lake of fire. :mad:
I worked at a Subway one summer. If you think that’s annoying as another customer, imagine how it is for the wage-slave trying to deal with the lunch-hour rush.
I had somebody like that calling for my sister and her husband, only giving a first name, as if they were buddies. My phone was on the call list because they hadn’t yet gotten a phone when they were first married. But by the time I started getting those calls, they’d gotten one. The conversation went something like this:
Company: “May I please speak to Sis or BIL?”
Me: “They’re not at this number any longer, may I take a message?”
C: “Tell them to call us at 800-555-5555”
Me: “Who should I tell them is calling?”
C: “This is Cathy, could you have them all ASAP?”
Me: “That all depends on who Cathy works for.”
C: “I’m sorry, I can’t give out that info.”
Me: “Well, then, I can’t pass on this message. They have their own phone now, but I’m not giving out their number without permission from them. Furthermore, since they can no longer be reached at this number, you are to remove it from your records. So this is your last chance to be able to get in touch with them. I’m not asking for details, just WHO YOU ARE CALLING FOR!”
C (grudgingly): “I’m calling on behalf of ABC, Inc.”
Me: “Thank you, I’ll pass along the message!” Click.
Fuck somebody, I’m not sure who though. I bought Tumblebugs2 at RealArcade (yeah, it’s an old lady game, but I’m an old lady). On some of the levels, two of the bugs are so close to the same color that I don’t know where to shoot!
After three days of detailed e-mails to customer support asking for a refund, I’ve been promoted to Level 2 Help by “S Rama” and “S Boominathan”.
And fuck the designers of Luxor: Amun Rising for being so slow to fill the shooter. The new ball should be there as soon as the first ball is shot.
(I feel kinda guilty ranting about a leisure activity, after reading about everyone else’s issues.)
Dad - I love you. Coming over from the UK to help me move was incredibly kind, though a tad stressful. And I really don’t mind that I cannot find anything anywhere - it is kind of an entertaining voyage of discovery to look for things these days.
But if there are a group of papers sitting on the dining room table, it is likely they are there for a reason. So why did you throw away or hide said papers? I know you probably don’t know what a W-2 is, but don’t you think a report of my income and investment earnings might have been there for a reason? So now I am filing for an extension, and won’t get my refund for God knows how long…
Dear Hotmail,
Kindly drop dead for throwing me out of my own fucking email account many times in the last three months before completely denying me access today. Your free service has no live customer service and utterly sucks.
Sincerely,
Annoyed at myself for leaving anything important in there.
OK, this is mostly bragging, but the amount of ignorance in this class (yes, rant number six) is just laughable now. The professor talked about drinking olive oil and lying her side for thirty minutes to help “cleans the colon” and all the wonderful health benefits contained therein. I brought up the fact that evolution has pretty well taken care of “toxins” in our bodies and any effect is placebo. She said that all my science and evolution was well and good, but she tried it and it worked for her. From a fucking PhD psychologist! Since this is a developmental psychology class, I asked if she would accept “well, my daddy beat me with a belt, and I turned out OK” as a valid response to the mountains of evidence that beating children is a horrible idea.
Anyway, one thing led to another, and I created perhaps the greatest impromptu speech of my life. For the first time in my life, I didn’t think of a better way I could have said something later. Suck it, l’esprit d escalier.
So here I am, being a good person and cleaning up the pollen tumble-weeds out of the driveway. But I forgot that when I use one particular pushbroom, I need to use gloves.
Now I have two splinters still stuck in my hand, and a few places where I was able to get them out, all in that fleshy area between the thumb and index finger. Makes holding things a real pain. 
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ForumBot, I am going to build a shrine to you. That reply was magnificent.
We apparently don’t have pounds of red meat, sausage casings, pennies swallowed as a kid, etc. living in our colons, either. What we have in our colons is food on its journey back into the wild world as poo.
Fucking drill press! You were fine the last time I used you, but now that I’ve finished an 1/8" hole though a 1" stainless rod, I see that your baseplate has moved, and my hole is 0.5 mm closer to the end on one side vs. the other. I’d gladly whack you with a nasty stick, but that’d probably just increase your misalignment!
Patrick Henry had, " Let the eat cake!"
Marie Antoinette had, " Give me Liberty or give me something."
Blutarsky had, " Remember when the German’s bombed Pearl Harbor?"
Forumbot’s rebuttal as it is hence forth known as , goes down like olive oil through the poop shoot as historical!!!
I bow to your balls, your large doper brass balls. Unless you are a female, then I bow to your brass ovaries.
GAH! The fucking wind yanked my car-door out of my hand and WHAMMED it into a cart-return made of metal poles. Scarlett (my trusty steed) has a ding in her door now. :mad:
This is a pre-emptive mini-rant - the temperature is supposed to go down to -9ºC this week. My plants have started sticking their pretty little green shoots up - stupid weather is probably going to frost them. That fills me full of grr. (Most of my plants are pretty tough, though - they have to be.)