The Minirants Thread Rides Again!

The BBQ Pit
241

Stupid co-worker. You always want to chat and the only things I have ever heard you chat about are your diet, your boat, your vacation, and your neighbours. I am so sick of hearing about this that I have stopped pretending to pay attention, but I am still obliged to listen to you droning on to my co-workers who work within earshot of me.

I don’t care particularly about ANYBODY’s diet, boat, vacation or neighbours. But if it is someone I care about, then I can feign interest. If it is someone who occasionally expressed any interest in me (or my diet, boat, vacation or neighbours) I could feign interest too.

I am sorry that it is so hard for you that so much food is unhealthy. It’s shocking to hear because nobody else has ever noticed this, certainly nobody else (particularly me!) has ever concerned themselves with eating healthy. I’m so glad you’re around to stress out about the amount of fat and salt in all the processed food in the grocery stores. Don’t worry about listening to me, because there’s no way I could possibly relate to your unique experience of wanting to find healthy food in a grocery store, then take it home and prepare it in an appetizing manner. You’re very brave to take on the burden of solving the diet problem on behalf of all of us, and you’re not one to suffer in silence.

Your boat! I know how much of a burden it must be to have your own boat to take out sailing every weekend. Yes, I understand perfectly how much trouble they can be. You have my most profound sympathy, and hearing you complain about it is certainly more important and interesting than anything else I have to do today. Just like it was yesterday.

Yes, that sunburn sure is a drag. You have my most profound sympathies. Oh, your wife uses sunscreen, does she? Even though you forgot to? Fascinating. Oh yes, it’s true, I guess you should have listened when she told you to wear it! Ho, ho, what a funny story. Silly you. You clearly got a lot of sun on that cruise.

Yes, you are a martyr, a true hero, for putting up with those awful neighbours of yours. They sure sound like assholes. It’s a good thing that nobody else has asshole neighbours, because that might make it less fascinating and relevant for us to listen to your stories of asshole neighbours. It must be so difficult being you.

To top it all off, coworker: There are only sixteen people in this office. Only about four of us use the kitchen. I saw you walk away leaving a big pile of crumbs on the counter. Who do you think is going to clean it up? Your wife? Fuck off. You’re a grown man and you ought to know better. You impose upon the good nature of your co-workers who clean up after you and, for all I know, have been doing so since you began here ten years ago. I know you’re not being malicious, just totally clueless, but that does not make it okay. Just go out to pasture already.

242

To continue in the employment vein, I went on an interview today. It went okay, and it might be a good job, but I don’t know what the pay is. They wanted me to name a range, I wanted them to give me an idea what they were thinking about, they still wanted me to name a range - nobody was blinking. This is not my first rodeo; the only reason* employers won’t tell a prospective employee the salary for the job they’re interviewing for is that the employer hopes the employee will undercut themselves and name a pay rate lower than what the job pays. This is simply bullshit, and I am fairly close to making it a blanket rule that I don’t work for employers who insist on playing this game. State my salary expectations? I expect that you will tell me what you are paying for this position, and I’ll tell you if I’m willing to work for it.

*I suppose they might have reasons like they don’t know what this type of position pays, but it is their responsibility to find that out before they hire.

243

“Centerize”

I don’t care how many pages of hits a Google search turns up.
Adding useless syllables to perfectly good words does not make you sound smarter.

244

Oh, good, a rants thread when you need one!

You know what really pisses me off? Whenever there’s a thread wherein someone bitches about their pain-in-the-ass close relative, like their mother, father, or siblings, there’s always a shitload of people coming in to say, “Fuck them! Cut them out of your life forever!!” Now, I can see where in some situations it really is best to cut someone close to you out of your life forever, in fact I haven’t spoken to my father, who still lives with my mother that I do talk to, in over 10 years and I’m loving it, but gah, people! When it’s your family you’re talking about, you don’t just end the relationship over any little thing, or even a couple big things. When it’s your family, you stand by them up to a point. Thank og none of you were MY family back in the day when I was a fuckup- I made a lot of bad decisions when I was young but my family was always there for me and are still there with me to this day and I’m not a fuckup anymore.

There’s a thread here right now about an 18-year-old sister, and most posters to it would like to just string her up, whip her, and then never speak to her again. Never mind that the girl is bipolar, and ONLY 18 YEARS OLD and has a baby… fuck her, that cunt! It’s sickening to me, the attitude that suggests that you can just throw your mentally ill little sister away because you don’t like her present actions. No trying to get her help, no trying to bring about a change in her with love and support and counseling and/or medication, just don’t ever speak to her again. Fuck that. Some of you people are some cold heartless bitches.

245

Calgary walk-in clinic doctors, you need to shut your goddamn mouths. We are having a healthcare crisis here with a massive influx of people right after our healthcare system got hacked to the bone, and there just aren’t family doctors available here, yet every time my husband or I go to our local walk-in clinic, we get a lecture on how we have to find a family doctor. I’ve tried countless times to get one; every time I hear someone is taking new patients, by the time I call, their practice is full. The clinic doctors harping on us about this isn’t changing the reality of what’s going on here. Guess what, walk-in clinic doctors - you ARE our family doctor! Just shut your hole and do the job you’re getting paid for.

246

I assume this is a university library? If so, why is it so bad to carry books that there is a demand for?

If theft is a problem, why doesn’t the library take steps to prevent theft instead of refusing to carry books that patrons want?

For high demand books like required textbooks, I’ve seen libraries take additional steps like keeping them in racks behind the reference desk, require collateral (such as a student I.D.), and restrict use to the reference section for limited periods of time (e.g. two hours).

When a textbook gets replaced with a newer edition, the older edition then goes out to the circulation racks, available for checkout.

247

Why don’t you simply ask them who they are? How hard is that, really?

When I used to answer the phone (our Admins worked part time), I used one of two responses:

Caller: Is [name] in?

Me: “I’m sorry; he’s not in/available at the moment. May I ask who’s calling?”

-or-

Me: “I believe he is. May I ask who’s calling?”

Before I ever was allowed to transfer a call to my boss, he wanted to know who the caller was–so he had the option of telling me to forward the call to his voice mail. It was my job to find out who the caller was, regardless of whether or not they offered the information initially.

Also, if the caller didn’t care to leave a message, I at least found out who it was. There would have been hell to pay if my boss came back and wanted to know if [Important Client] had called, and nobody knew.

I remember one hapless new employee who was telling a caller that the boss wasn’t in as he (the boss) was returning to his office. The boss asked the employee who the caller was. The employee had no idea. The boss was extremely unhappy at this.

248

It is a pandemic. I dealt with this in graduate school. I blame powerpoint for it - in the old days they had to make the transparencies, and it was hard enough to update that the professors spent more real time lecturing.

[evil flashback to Managerial Accounting in B-School with an ESL instructor reading slides. I played a LOT of flash games on my laptop that term]

249

A note to all I know. If you want to get a hold of me don’t just try my cell phone. I don’t always answer it, I often don’t hear it, and I don’t always go out of my way to answer it. That is why on the emergency contact list my home phone number is first. Try it, if that doesn’t work then try the cell phone.

250

Something tells me that they might consider that to be an improvement. At least then I’d have a boyfriend!

I’m not inherently opposed to Bulgarian men. But I live in a fucking VILLAGE and there isn’t a hell of a lot of choice. Shall I date the moronic 20 year olds who are only sticking around because they’re too dumb to get a job in Sofia or the the alcoholic 60 year olds? GOLLY, how can I ever choose?

It could be a different situation if I lived in Sofia or Plovdiv or Varna.

251

Because they lie or misrepresent themselves to trick you into forwarding the call. (“I’m Chuck. He knows me.” Yeah right)

We’ve got SOME company right now who calls about five times a day looking for my sister. I have no idea who they are or what they want. They won’t tell me. As soon as I ask who they are they hang up. Guess what, cunt-harpies, you won’t EVER get to talk to my sister then, even if you CAN catch her at home and awake.

252

I would guess bill collectors. They can’t discuss that business over the phone and, IIRC, they can’t even disclose that they are bill collectors except to the intended party for privacy reasons.

253

Dear delivery drivers,

If I am paying for my order by credit card, you will have to have me sign a receipt. So bring a fucking pen with you!

254

This thread is three days old, but I don’t really care.
Dear legs,
Please work properly. I am tired of going to the doctor because you hurt or won’t bear my weight reliably. Today I went to the clinic, and not surprisingly there wasn’t really anything they could do, because nobody knows why you’re being such bitches. I actually purchased a cane just so you would be less annoying. I have used every mobility aid known to man now: braces, crutches, wheelchair, walker, and now cane, and you probably still aren’t satisfied. Why can’t you be like good old Neck? I’ve never heard a complaint from him.

255

I thought now that the football season was over I could safely allow my DVR to record shows on Sunday night without having to monitor the schedule. But noooooooooo!!!

This morning I start watching Cold Case, only to find that Big Brother is still on. I start fast-forwarding through what I figure will be the final few minutes, only to find out that it ran a full half hour late. So all I got was the first half of Cold Case. I check the schedule for Sunday afternoon, and see that CBS was covering the Masters, which apparently ran over it’s alloted time slot.

And of course Cold Case is not one of the shows that CBS includes in their online video casts.

256

Dear Prospective Flatmates:

I really, really like your house. You all seem nice. I am a week away from being homeless. Please, please call me. Even if just to laugh at the idea that someone as uncool as me would dream of living with such (admittedly friendly) hipsters such as yourselves. Please end the madness of waiting.

Miserably yours,
Manx.

257

To the self-important idiot in Subway: You know, the rest of us would like to order our sandwiches, too, so GET OFF YOUR GD CELLPHONE AND ORDER IN ENGLISH INSTEAD OF CHARADES!

To the lady with the kid: Your voice could cut glass. You don’t need to yell to be heard.

258

Super mini rant:

Dopers,
Please try to read for content. I know it’s spring, and y’all are all hormonal and shit, but, jeebus, even a half-assed attempt to focus would be deeply appreciated by OPs everywhere.

Non-Doper type people,
Fuck you. All of you. While we’re at it, get the hell outta my way, turn signals are there for a reason, and fuck you.

FDA type people,
Fuck you sideways with something scary. Seldane was wonderful, except for that E-mycin thing. Let those of us who are allergic to that nasty antibiotic have our damn Seldane. Only fucking antihistamine that has worked for me, and you have to go ban it, and I’m too much of a prissy little uptight law abiding cynic to find it illegally online.

Thankyoueversoverymuch and Hugs – now shut up and gimme a benadryl or four.

(14 fucking plants in this goddamn desert, and I’m allergic to 12 of them. Vegas sucks. Whine-piss-moan)

259

The Subway closest to my house has a sign near the queue indicating that customers on cellphones will not be served until they’re done talking.

I love that policy.

260

To my next door neighbor Hagatha:

Please, for the love of poultry, if you’re going to put snarky little cardboard signs on the side of your garage directed towards my kitchen door, d’ya think you could spell them correctly? The last one informed me that the good lord “see” everything we do. The new one declares that God “know” what we are doing. I wanted to sneak over last night under cover of darkness and fix it but my husband wouldn’t tell me where he hid the magic markers.