Wait till y’all are washing BABY SOCKS! The black hole gets much more powerful then!
Ah yes, disappearing keys. I thought I was the only one. One afternoon in 1991 I came home and tossed my keys onto the couch. Boom, they vanished. I thought I searched the couch sufficiently, but no luck. That couch got moved, let’s see,5 times over the next 4 years before the keys fell out of the space-time vortex that had obviously formed in there. (Of course, it had the key to the apartment I’d long since moved out of, the car I’d sold, the school I’d graduated from, the mailbox I’d closed…)
Hi guys, my name is Tim, and my family owns two coin laundrymats. No, seriously. I’ve been helping out with machine related problems for years, I am very handy with tools.
I think you all may be interested to note my findings on lost socks.
In all my years of tearing apart and reassembling washers/dryers…
I HAVE NEVER ONCE FOUND A SINGULAR SOCK ANYWHERE IN A MACHINE. PERIOD.
If that doesn’t put the fear of God in you I don’t know what will. I can only assume the worst (wormholes/dark matter/e=mc^-2)…
The “interdimensional portal” theory sounds plausible to me. Today I did my laundry. As I pulled my clothes from the dryer, I found a completely-unfamiliar sock. The design of the sock was disturbing: the part that covered the sole of the foot was of a normal size, but the part that covered the ankle was only 2 cm long and at a strange angle as well.
Clearly, this sock was designed to cover a nonhuman (or at least highly-mutated) foot. The dimensional portals must be connecting to non-human alternate worlds as well…
I left the strange sock at the laundromat. When I got home, I opened all my closet doors and left them that way. My computer remains on; perhaps the SETI@home screensaver will help.
Back to cutlery. I don’t have a problem with butter knives, I seem to be losing teaspoons. And I seem to be gaining forks! In the last two years I have had to throw some of the extra forks in the back of the drawer to make room for their increasing numbers. AND I HAVE NEVER BOUGHT OR BORROWED A FORK! As the forks sit next to the teaspoons in the cutlery cozy every so often I find a fork lying in with the teaspoons, and invariably I am one teaspoon less. WTF? I now have a ratio of about 4 forks to 1 teaspoon. ??? :mad:
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I once read a reference to a story that suggests the wire coathanger life cycle begins with paperclips, matures to coathangers and finally evolves into shopping trolleys.
Are the Christmas-ornament-hanger juveniles a new species?
Snaf **
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Hmmm, I never heard this one, but it does sound intriguing. Perhaps this explains why shopping carts have a ‘limp’ (the perpetually-crooked wheel); they develop this during the final metamorphasis. One or the other species (the paper clip or the ornament hanger) has some sort of ‘bad’ gene. Or perhaps it’s from using paper clips as ornament hangers that mutates or destoys the vital gene. Now that I mention it, I can never find the box of hangers I bought on sale after Christmas the previous year: must be that they are in some state of evolutionary flux.
Man, that spoon-fork thing sounds crazy. Have you ever ended up with a spork??? You know one of those half spoon half fork things? Maybe your spoons are sick of being little weaklings and want to be sharp objects capable of doing harm, so they transform into forks. I mean, which would you rather be, a spoon or a fork?
OK folks, here is the problem. The Matrix is running low on virtual memory. The whole program has gotten to complex and to big to continue running at peak. So, every now and then it defragments and cleans it up its hard drive. It fugures that the best place to save on memory is to just delete the little things we lose anyway. As for the socks, I mean come on, do you know how many bytes it takes to create a virtual sock?!?!?!?! It’s just not worth the memory space. So, whenever they go in the dryer, two or three get deleted. No big deal. Eventually the program will re-write itself so that we become a sockless society, but the ONE will remember. He will remember a glorious time when even the poorest person was able to afford the luxury of socks and with that knowledge he will lead us to a new era of Human civilization!!! LONG LIVE THE SOCKED ONE!!!
The "Other Dimension’ theory is the closest I’ve seen to the truth, which came to me in an epiphany several years ago. Being a sock is the last phase of the great karmic wheel, and the dryer is the gateway to Nirvana. So next time you lose a sock, rejoice! And strive for sockhood in your next incarnation.
I like to think that I have not actually lost an old sock, but have in fact GAINED a new sock which will sooner or later be joined by a mate during an upcoming load of laundry.
So that’s where all my forks went! Do they have little flowers on the end? Seriously, we were down to like 8 forks. I had to go buy more utensils! We determined that the use of paper plates causes temporary pshychosis in people, which causes them to treat their utensils as if they were disposable plastic. I like the portal theory though. Explains a lot. Although I like Stephen King’s version in Insomnia, the little man called Random who stole socks, hats, single shoes, keys… all the things you lose.