“There’s a stomach virus going around the school.”
Even worse: “Some of the kids have pink eye.”
Worst of all: “We seem to have a few cases of head lice. You might want to check your child’s hair.”
You have incurable ass cancer.
We need to talk.
I actually loved VBS. We got Kool Aid and cookies. And made stuff. Hey! I was a kid. What did I know.
I fear those phrases that you hear as an adult. Much scarier.
“Are you sitting down?”
“The doctor would like you to come into the office to discuss your test results.”
I’ve spent plenty of holidays at liturgical conferences. Great fun.
As a university student, the words that always instil dread are “we’re trying something new in this subject this semester”. In my experience this generally means: “you’re going to be the guinea pigs for a half-baked, ill-thought-out assessment/exam procedure which will be an utter, and very predictable, failure”.
To my girlfriend, after a routine ultrasound:
“I’m sorry, honey, but your baby’s dead.”
Voluntary unpaid overtime.
The ones about the miscarriages and other medical test results have got to be the dismal winners, followed closely by death announcements. “We regret to inform you…”
In the more mundane category, the note from the boss: “See me.”
Hey, I actually liked VBS! We did Bible studies, got punch and cookies, made crafts, sang songs, and performed in plays for the entire congregation (I was Jesus in one lovely scaled-down production of the Passion story)! And at the end, there was a biiiiig church carnival, where we played in bounce houses and rode rides that all had a too-clever Biblical theme.
Unfortunately, we never got to be a part of this VBS curriculum, which look delightfully fun and campy. Cultural insensitivity never looked this good!
Federal Income Tax Form
Ugh, they didn’t wait that long, but it happened to my aunt. Twice. Excuse me while I go wash my poor eyes.
I’m with you. VBS was cool. It wasn’t just sitting around reading the bible all day (though there were bible lessons of course.) It was like a day camp and was a blast. I’m upset though. We never got the carnival.
My submission:
(Spoken to an emotionally unstable 16 year old) Your mother is dying.
“companywide ethics training” 
Teambuilding exercise.
Two off-putting words, put together!
Let’s not forget “Sexual-Harassment Awareness Seminar.”
ground zero
HA! You win. 