The most ironic thing you've heard

I was talking to a German guy about something to do with politics, and he said, “We’re not going to elect some crazy a**hole.”

To his credit, once he really heard it himself, he thought it was pretty funny too.

My son just got a D in english (7th grade). He could have pulled it up to a C if he had done one more book report, but he decided at the last minute that he didn’t want to do the reading. So, he spent the first five weeks of summer vacation with no TV, no computer, no video games, no sleepovers. His friends, understandably enough, didn’t want to come play here, and they usually had other stuff to do.

So my son’t bored out of his mind. My wife called me at work to tell me this, and asked, “Do you have any idea what he could do for entertainment?”

Me: “He could read.”

All I have to say is ** eschew obfuscation. **


Freshman year of college. Roommate doesn’t feel like going to the weekly night study session for a class he’s struggling in. He thinks it’s too crappy out to walk, plus only the “knobs” in the class are there. Then, he utters:

“I don’t know why those same people keep going to the study sessions. They’re already getting A’s anyway”


I’m not seeing irony in most of these…

I actually have that on a t-shirt.

One of my professors once used the phrase “extremely ambivalent.”

From our friends, Mr. Merriam and Mr. Webster:

1 : a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other’s false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning
2 : the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning
3 : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result

I was going for a number 3, there: my son thought that even though he failed due to not reading, he’d have all sorts of stuff to do this summer when, in fact, all he had available to do was read.

Hasn’t it been said before that Alanis Morissette’s song about irony doesn’t really describe ironic situations?

Isn’t that ironic?

I was having an argument/full blown row with a cousin who is a nasty little nazi punk in the making and he said “You liberals are all the same, you shut yourself off to the truth and believe the same tired old lies again and again”

To quote Cervaise “The irony was so thick I could wrap it round my car and call it a safety cage”

It’s been said a thousand times before but dammit, I’m going to post the greatest oxymoron of the last decade.


That felt good. It’s been a while.

Hey, there might be someone who never heard it, okay?

Whilst I was foreman for a house restoration, the EDD would send over their loser jailbirds for us to hire. One of them was an up and coming young bigot. While we were taking a break on the front steps he started off on a tirade just because a white woman had walked by with a black boyfriend.

Later that day, he started grumbling about how people on the commuter train back to Gilroy each evening would look at his dirty clothing and automatically assume he was some sort of derelict or slob.

Rather indelicately, I tried to point out to him that he was complaining about the exact same thing that he was guilty of. Namely, judging another person based solely on their appearances (or skin color) and not on who they are.

He did not have the brains to even comprehend what I was trying to convey to him. I don’t think even one of my resumes was going to help him get a lot of work.

‘One of my professors once used the phrase “extremely ambivalent.”’

i heard intensly ambivalent, but hey, it made me giggle
( would someone please tell me how i go about getting the writing that goes down there _______
i know if i opened any html book i could find out, but hey, i’m lazy as sin)

You get the writing “down there” (damn dirty writing) from filling in the signature box on your profile.

Sir Rhosis