The Most Prepared (Wo)Man on Earth

Pretend, for a moment, that you’d like to be the most prepared man or woman on Earth. “For what?” You ask?

Anything. You want to be ready for the Zombie Apocalypse, any catastrophic failure of Electricity, Water, or Porn, or any other scenario you can think of.

Caveats: You still, as the most prepared individual on Earth, need to appear normal. No “I retreat into an underground bunker forever!” and no “I bring about the end of the world so I can be the only man left alive.”

You have to work within your lifestyle, your means, etc. No purchasing $300,000 fortifications for your house unless you can legitimately afford them. Work within the laws of your area, or those laws you’d be willing to violate.

What do you do? How do you prepare?

Anything apocalyptic or anything anything? (i.e. what about being prepared if your cell phone runs out of batteries? If you’re in a foreign country and need to find a bathroom? If you want to speak to a cute girl/guy but you suddenly realize you have ring around the collar?) Your intro says one thing but your caveats imply another.

I’m going to go with muddling through. That’s my plan.

My husband keeps the pantry stacked with stuff, the freezers full, we have a woodstove, cistern and garden. Should society break down to where the city isn’t safe, well, we’re both able bodied enough to walk off into the wilds for a shot at fending for ourselves.

Living in Canada there is no shortage of wild to retreat to, if you could get there. Survival would depend on a few woodland skills like making a shelter, catching some food and keeping warm. It wouldn’t be easy or pretty but if my ancestors did it that would give me the gumption to get me through, I should hope.

My first step would probably be to try and fortify my place. The main issue, besides cost, is what material is thin enough but also strong enough that I could cover my walls, floor, and ceiling with it to be properly munitions proof? I’d probably replace the door rather than cover it, so I could pick out something that still looked nice (and of course upgrade the locks and hinges).

Second concern would be food. Doing like the mormons and eating stuff just before the due date, the problem isn’t financial so much as storage space. If I wanted my place to look more or less normal, I’d really only have about two closets worth of space to slowly build up excess cans. I’m not sure how much food that would really be.

On the porn front, I’m an artist, so I’d really probably just stock up on paper and pencils and figure that I can make my own if worst came to worst. And the paper and pencils would come in pretty useful anyways.

I’d probably want a shotgun, and some cheapo, reliable pistols that I could hand out at need to others, along with a bunch of ammo.

And then I’d probably want to enroll in some sort of first-aid course, and based on that set up a med kit. I would be more worried about wounds and sanitation than disease or pain relief (given limited supplies).

A tool kit, books on auto repair, books on edible plants, books on how to rig up stuff from random supplies, etc. would all be nice. Tarp, rope, bungie cords.

A durable car might be good, but unlike most movies I’d see it as being more likely that you’d want to keep and defend your home and establish a local community than go out wandering in the wilderness, so I wouldn’t really see a car and fuel as all that necessary.

Interesting, my first inclination would be the reverse. If I was going to attempt to hole up in my house, the very first thing I’d do is trash the front yard, smash the porch windows and start a small fire (later put out), maybe rip the screen door off it’s hinges, and leave it hanging.

I would most definitely want my house to look like it’s already been ransacked of any food/valuables.

Quoth the OP: “You still, as the most prepared individual on Earth, need to appear normal.”

I took that to mean that the interior of my place should look decently normal as well. Given that after the emergency we need to start cranking out babies, making sure that you were able to get a partner before it all went to hell is a decent concern.

The most important thing to have in stock in case of societal breakdown, or even after the breakdown of services following a “normal” natural disaster like an earthquake or hurricane, is going to be medicines- painkillers, antibiotics, and if we’re talking apocalypse, heavy drugs- a huge pile of them. I am going to need my minions loyal, and nobody works harder for you than a junkie. I also don’t want to survive it all, only do be done in by a small infected cut.

Food, water, shelter and weapons will all be required, but seriously- the first thing I loot is going to be a big pharmacy.

Alright, you asked for it…

I would make sure that my rich parents get killed in a mugging, and that I grow up to be a rich playboy by day and a crimefighter who defends Gotham from themed criminals at night.

I would always make sure I had my towel with me. :smiley:

Step one of my plan is to learn who in my neighborhood is well prepared. When the end comes they will be my target(s). Hopefully there will be enough “well prepared” people that some of them will be caught up in whatever the “end” is and I will have free access to all their stuff.

If everyone could be very specific about what you will have and where, addresses and access codes will be particularly helpful, I would appreciate it.

Like Marge Simpson. I will remain in a state of cat-like alertness!

My pkan is to kill anyone who has stuff I want. That should be MUCH cheaper than acquiring all the stuff in advance, especially since I don’t know what the crisis will be. I may need a good parka for an Ice Age, or SPF 1000 and a boat for a Melt Down.

Right now all I have to do is make notes of peoples’ hobbies.

Yay! A lifetime of being a nerd has come in handy!

No one wants my stuff!!!

Then we will kill you for your meat.

You want my meat? Non-athletic, pasty white nerd meat?

shrug desperate times call for despearate measures I guess.

Sure, I’m not too fond of wild game meat. Too stringy. A high fat content is tastier.

Only if they’re vegetarians- carnivores taste nasty.