The mysteries of your neighborhood

In My Humble Opinion
41

We call the people next door the Witness Protection Family.
We’ve lived here for 13 years. We’ve seen the two boys 4 times outside.
The father once a year mowing the lawn. Now a very old man, maybe grandfather comes once a month to clean up the yard.
Their kitchen faces our bedroom. They cook very garlicy food between 12:30 and 3:00 AM.
We’ve seen a teenage girl holding a baby in the kitchen window once.
They have a padlock on both their gates, so no one can get to their doors without scaling the fence.
For a while, there was a padlock on the outside of the front door when there were people inside.

There’s a cistern under the fence that my husband discovered while gardening. The wooden lid was rotten and it held about 6 feet of water. We thought it might be a danger to the kids, so on one of ther rare times we saw the boys outside I asked to speak to their mother. They told me she didn’t speak english and never came outside. I met the mother once, a few months after that conversation, she spoke clear, un-accented english. She was taking them to school, a private school 70 miles away.

42

I’m the neighborhood oddball. My block is comprised of about six or seven colonial-style quadraplexes. Each unit has its own private front stoop. Since our stoops receive south-facing sunlight, we could all have beautiful container gardens and they would really spruce up the run-down look of the area. But no. Mine is the only stoop that has plants. Every time I’m out there watering my flowers, I feel like a weirdo.

I’m also the Walking Woman. I don’t power walk, but I walk everywhere, from the store (with my granny cart in tow) to work (all the way downtown). I know people see me regularly because over time I’ve learned to recognize license plates. It’s kind of funny seeing the morning joggers and power walkers every morning, covered in sweat and dressed in work-out clothes, while I’m wearing business casual and carrying my tote bag and probably walking twice the distance they’re going. I’m impressed with their intensity, but I couldn’t do it.

There is someone who’s weirder than me, though. There’s this guy who lives in the apartment building across the street from me, who I assume does not have air conditioning. He’ll get into his car and spend the WHOLE day there, listening to his radio with the air blasting. I feel sorry for him, but dude. For the cost of the gas you’re wasting every summer, you can get a window unit!

43

I’m trying to figure out how they can sell drugs in the wide open and never be caught. C’mon either the cops could care less (my guess) or the cops are really stupid, 'cause the dealers are SO obvious about it now.

That’s the mystery in my (once fine now rapidly declining) Logan Square Chicago neighborhood

44

Your way worked just fine! Thanks. :slight_smile:

45

Oh, I have a Witness Protection Couple in my neighborhood!

Here is the crazy thing … I think they are in Witness Protection from 1986. I have never seen any other people in 2009 look so much like they stepped out of a time machine directly from 1986. They look to be in their mid 30s or thereabouts. Everything is 80s, their hair styles, their outfits, their accessories. I swear I saw them getting out of a Dodge Aries once. And it’s realistic looking 80s, not ironic or campy and over the top as if they were in an 80s tribute band or something.

46

I live in an apartment building. We have our fair share of kooks.

Down the hall from me live the Our Business Is Everybody’s Business Family. They leave their door propped wide open at all hours of the day and night–every time I go by there, their door is yawing open and they’re cooking, or sitting around chatting, or napping (!), or once they were sitting in the living area just watching people walk by. Also, on the rare occasions that their door isn’t open, they use the outside of their door as a general-use space. I’ve seen them leave onion skins all over the floor there, crates of oranges, plastic bag collections, whatever.

Across from them live the Smelly Smelly Boys. They’re very loud, they listen to a lot of Egyptian pop music (loudly), and are very fond of their cologne. So fond of it, in fact, that you can smell it while standing outside their door. And heaven forbid you walk by just after one of them has left–the corridor will reek like cologne for an hour or so. Being caught in the elevator with them is tantamount to a death sentence.

Down the hall the other way lives Ponytail Boy, who is so shy and socially awkward that I’ve had him in classes and known him for three years and I still don’t know his real name. (Hence, Ponytail Boy.) And Ponytail Boy’s roommate.

47

When I was a kid there was also the noose incident. I ran into a grove of trees and saw a wire noose hanging from a branch. I ran back out and told some other kids and afterwards we referred to the grove as Snarewood Forest. Looking back after doing some research, I suspect it was just a long abandoned animal snare but it was kind of creepy.

48

Kittenblue, WTF? What are you talking about?

I wish I knew how to link to pictures. Because I have neighbor who, sometimes in the summer, creates a tableau at the end of his driveway. First, he is guy whose lawn is completely perfect at all times. (My husband says that if he ever gets that way to just shoot him.)

So, the tableau. Balanced on an upended large trash can and under the shade of a tree is a kayak. In the kayak is a large doll with braided pigtails leaning back on an orange life jacket. She is holding the kayak paddle. Arranged around the kayak on the driveway: potted geraniums, marigolds, petunias, and dusty miller. But the best part? A little statue of a hippo. He is amongst the flower pots.

I am not making this up. If someone tells me how to link to a picture, I would love to show you.

I have no earthly idea why he does this.

49

Sorry! I’ll try to redeem myself with something more relevant.

There is a house down the street that has fiberglass insulation inside covering the windows, and they recently erected a 100 foot tall metal pole attached to the chimney and tied with long ropes to nearby trees. I know their neighbor, and he says they get a UPS delivery everyday, so of course they must be making meth (which is pretty unheard of in Vermont).

50

Is your picture on your hard drive? There are several free photo hosting sites on the internet. I use photobucket.

Upload your picture to there, then use the http address it gives you under the picture. (Quote my post to see how to wrap url code around it.)

51

Guilty. I vacuum the garage, though, because I repair things in it and get sawdust all over everything… the lawn, well, it was like this…

When the street was re-asphalted last year, the city never came back to sweep up the loose gravel. The plows deposited all of it onto my lawn over the winter. I didn’t want to be mowing that stuff all year - I’d end up going broke just having my mower blades sharpened. So, I got out the Shop-Vac.

While I was doing that, I realized that it was fun to suck up all the pine cones with it. And THEN, I figured out that if you filled the hose with pine cones, and attached it to the “out” part of the vacuum… you could have a really neat Pine Cone Cannon! Wheee! You should have joined me - it was fun!

But I’m not the wierdo… it is the guy down the street from me who never, ever, talks to ANYBODY - but runs for mayor every election.

52

A lot of these could be good elements of a horror novel.

When I first moved here, the neighbors let their kids run wild. I didn’t realize they were letting the kids ride a mini bike until I almost picked him off—he cut across the driveway in front of me with nary a look back. Kid was, uh, maybe seven years old. I restarted my heart (missed him by a foot) and resumed driving.

One day as I was driving in, I noticed an older guy bending over the storm drain at the end. Same little kid had decided to climb down there. That would have been cute; kid falls, hits his head, either lays on the ledge or is swept away and nobody can find him, etc.

The neighbors before the current ones had a mini bike for the kids as well. Kid drove it directly into my brick wall.

That house has been the thing that wouldn’t sell, so they rent it out. I’ve had a different neighbor every 15 months or so, with the place sitting empty for six months at a stretch. Shortest time there was a guy and his daughter that I once met while taking out the garbage. Turns out he was a deaf ex-con. He lasted a month or two.

It makes me nervy-ous; I didn’t see that kind of turnover when I was living in apartments. It seems like a testament to modern life that we live near these people, they pique our curiosity and yet we don’t approach each other to find out who they are…is that just an American thing?

53

Well, let’s see. The main and genuine mystery is the Hidden House. First, the shrubberies were allowed to grow all the way up to the second story. That’s not an exaggeration. You would only be able to see the very top of the windows if you could see the house, which you can’t, because the entire front yard is ringed with closely planted evergreens, cedars, I think. Inside that is chicken wire. Inside that, next to the shrubberies, is another row of hedges. The various greenery has completely overgrown the front door and the sidewalk to it. Within all of the vegetation lives a pack of feral cats.

The back yard is enclosed by a very tall wooden fence. The gate is very heavy, locked, and has a BEWARE OF THE DOG sign on it. The couple who lives there has been there for about 15 years. They do keep a large mean-looking dog. They come and go from the place via the garage, which is of course locked and they open & close it with an automatic opener. Strange thing is, on the occasions when we meet them coming or going, putting out the trash, etc., they are quite friendly and chatty. In a previous decade they used to have a nephew who came to stay with them for the summer, and he used to play with the other neighborhood children and seemed quite normal as well. Other than that, I don’t think I have ever seen anyone other than the resident couple come to the house.

We are actually suspicious of the people across the street because they are too good to be true. Their children never fight, always play together amicably, and nobody ever yells at anybody. Their dog is perfectly trained. Their yard is immaculate, attractively landscaped and perfectly maintained, and the mom and daughter are both learning to play the harp. We figure they must have a rubber room and torture devices in the basement.

Not a mystery to us, but certainly mysterious in appearance is the house directly next door. It’s built on a double lot, but the half near us has been allowed to go completely natural. Brush, overgrowth, weeds, that sort of thing. The house itself is usually dark. Up until about a year ago, if you looked at the second story windows, you could see tattered wispy shreds of former curtains hanging there. The house is also surrounded by never-trimmed hedges. The roof has black and brown streaks in it and is probably the orginal roof from when the house was built in the 1950s. We happen to know that the place is owned by two elderly brothers, one of whom has Parkinson’s disease and the other is not in very good health either. It’s very sad, as they don’t seem to have any friends or relatives, certainly no one ever comes to the house.

54

Two houses in the neighborhood I grew up in always scared me as a child.
One house had a large picture window in their living room and every holiday season you could see their Christmas tree hung upside down from the ceiling. I was convinced they were part of a satanic cult.
The other house had a sign posted on their backyard gate: “Beware of dog with gun in its mouth” I never stuck around long enough to see if it was true.

55

We prefer to call them the Bumpus Family, after the undesirable neighbors in A Christmas Story.

56

This would be my in-laws. There is no municipal trash collection where they live, so they take the trash to the dump themselves rather than pay for trash collection. This was my FIL’s idea.

My parents have a “witness protection” house down the street. You never see anybody outside the home, even to mow the lawn as they have a service that comes and takes care of that. Last time I was up there I went for an evening stroll a couple of times and there didn’t even seem to be any lights on.

Then there are the ladies that live next door to my parents. Their story about being sisters (rather than secretive lesbians) seems to check out because they could practically be twins. They are just a little strange overall though and the smoke coming out of their chimney during the day in the middle of summer does not help dispel the notion that there is something off about them.

Nothing real mysterious in my own neighborhood.

57

We have a few mystery houses in our neighborhood and at least one that has more character than anything else.

The first couple of mystery houses are entirely related to their smell. I’m freakishly sensitive to smell, and there are two in particular I could pick out with my eyes closed. There’s “asphalt house,” which always smells like you’d think stone would smell. The only mysterious thing about this house is how on earth someone would get it to smell like that.

Then there’s the other house I call “hash house,” which either smells like pot or like someone covering it up. No mystery there, but the folks living there are elderly. I live in Missouri, and I’m pretty sure that medical marijuana is illegal, but maybe they use it anyway or just for recreational purposes. Or perhaps they have kids or grandkids who do.

The other two houses are more character houses - mysterious because of the people who live in them. There’s the guy across the street who takes such good care of his lawn, all the time with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth (you know, just about to fall out). He refuses to speak to us, even if he’s standing right in front of our house, talking to a neighbor who does speak to us. I have no idea why. Regardless, he’s repaved his front walk at least three times this season and I don’t see his wife anymore. She used to be pretty friendly. Our neighbors are talky enoug we’d know if she’d gotten sick.

Then there is guitar guy. I love this guy - he used to sit out on his porch at dusk and play his guitar. He’s really good, too. I could hear him when I walk at night as I was coming up the hill. Unfortunately, his house is up for sale and I don’t see him anymore. I liked that guy.

58

Here is kayak girl:

[URL=“http://i787.photobucket”]

Did that work?

59

http://i787.photobucket

60

Oh no!! I’m going to get reamed because I didn’t figure this out first!!