The mysteries of your neighborhood

In My Humble Opinion
101

There’s a house 3 streets over which is hardly ever occupied. The owner lives somewhere else most of the time but keeps this empty house in case she ever feels like coming back…to visit it, I guess. The yard gets mowed by a hired gardener and the grass gets watered by automatic sprinklers, but nobody lives there that I’ve ever seen.

I’m expanding the territory a bit to include Library Lady. She’s of indeterminate age, covered from head to toe in scarves, rags, blankets, gowns, and so on, including a bundle of colorful fabric swatches that she has tied together and pinned to the front of her get-up. She waits till the library opens so she can use the pay phone and the computers. She also carries a milk carton and a box. I don’t know if there’s milk in the carton or what.

102

Oh, let’s talk ourselves into “milk”

103

Awesome!!!:smiley:

104

I posted last night about a house in my neighborhood with an upside-down American flag flown in the front and handwritten signs about the terrible state of our country, and I decided to google it and found these:

This one says the flags are no longer upside down, but I believe the last time I walked by there, not too long ago, there was at least one: http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-6801388_ITM

It’s even in a book! And this is definitely the house. I had no idea!

I guess the mystery is solved!

105

I thought of another one. Sometimes when I’m driving to work, I see a man riding one of those really old-fashioned bikes, the kind with the giant wheel in the front and a small wheel in the back. It’s one of these: http://patentpending.blogs.com/patent_pending_blog/images/capture7192005102602_pm.jpg

And the mystery is, how in the world does he get that thing started? I’m a pretty avid cyclist, and every time he rides by I try to imagine how he climbs up on that thing and just starts pedaling without tipping over. Total mystery.

106
107

Hey, we’ve got those sirens too [Charleston, WV]! Scared the crap out of me first time I heard them go off.

108

This is one concept I could never understand – neighbors who seem to love to pick fights. I mean…why would you want to make an enemy of someone you will likely have to see/talk-to DAILY? I seem to be blessed (neighborhoodwise) in that there aren’t any meanspirited neighbors, but I’ve always been surprised how common this is.

109

Oh, that said, we had a dog from '93 to a few years ago when he died – and while he wasn’t terrible, he was definitely “barkey” when not kept under control. Since the dog died, its filtered down to me that I was apparently known as the one with the obnoxious dog :wink:

And I apologize. I did try to control the lil’ bastard. I almost wish someone had mad a snide remark or something. I almost feel like I’m too isolated from my neighbors, if they won’t get up the balls to bitch about a dog!

(For the record, this is a neighborhood with about twice as many dogs as people, and I don’t believe mine was the worst. Dammit.)

110

My neighbour washes his driveway every weekend. It seems like a strange way to spend one’s retirement.

111

Hey, I wash my driveway on weekends and I’m not even retired. I need a (relatively) clean area to wash off the pool cover. So, I hose off the driveway, spread out the cover, and then hose down the cover.

112

Most of our neighbors are okay.
My husband was more than a little surpised about a week or so, though. The pipes make noises inside our living room when the hose is turned on outside, but it doesn’t happen often enough for us to connect the sound with that.

Anyway, there was a strange noise in the living room, and TurboDog went outside to investigate. He found a large hairy man, dressed in a pair of tighty whiteys, wet and soapy with a headful of suds in his hair. Apparently the old truck we’d seen driving around was someone looking for a place to shower…:eek:

The guy apologized, rinsed off and left.

113

Our big neighborhood “mystery” isn’t so much a mystery as just a sad story. Two 50-ish men (maybe brothers or cousins) live around the corner in a house that apparently has no utilities of any sort. Until recently, the house also had a tarp over a hole in the roof, but several folks in the neighborhood banded together to repair the roof this past spring. In the wintertime, we see these guys light a fire in an outdoor fire barrel, apparently to keep warm. They also shower and do laundry at another neighbor’s house, and many of us cook a little extra and take dinners to them when we can.

These guys are really, really nice. One is physically disabled - ambulatory, but with a very pronounced limp; the other is schizophrenic. The schizophrenic guy is very sociable, and also a “responsible” drinker: When he’s sober, he rides his bicycle, but when he’s drunk, he walks all over town. He’s also sort of a self-appointed neighborhood watchman. When I took the kids out trick-or-treating this past autumn, for example, he followed us all over town (very small “Mayberry-ish” town.) He didn’t speak to us, but followed until we arrived safely back home.

The other neighborhood mystery (to me, anyway) is “Just how many people live in the tiny little 2-bedroom house next door?” I’ve actually lived in that house, just me and two small kids, and it was jam-packed! There are always at least 4 cars parked there now, and a seemingly endless stream of young people (late teens, early-to-mid-twenties,) plus a cat and a small dog. I hope, for their sanity, that they all work different shifts! On the surface, it would seem like they’d be horrible neighbors, but they take care of their pets, mow their grass, and don’t bother anyone.

114

Or what what’s not up with them, since they only only fly 15 to 25 feet above the ground.

They’re Canada geese and there’s maybe a half dozen of 'em. TikkiDad and I have seen or heard them several times lately as they cruise down the alley behind the buildings across the street or down the street behind ours.

Our neighborhood is an older one, with big, mature trees and small-to-nonexistant lawns (there’s lots of apartments around here.) Canada geese like wide open places on which to graze. Closed-in areas make them worry too much about lurking predators.

I assume they’re heading toward the lake about a half mile distant but the nearest suitable grazing area in the opposite direction are the playfields at the school nearly a mile away. There’s no street or alley that’s a straight shot. They have to navigate around or over a forest of Douglas firs, a small grove of cottonwoods and numerous other trees along the way. Then there’s buildings, phone lines and poles and other such obstacles to contend with.

Writhing this, it occurred to me that maybe the leader has been injured and is not strong enough to fly any higher. Hmmm, maybe the mystery is solved. We’ll see how long they keep this up.

115

Another mystery isn’t in our neighborhood but in one we pass through on the way to visit the TikkiKin. It was finished just last year and is a huge two-floor building. I think it’s a group home for disabled people, judging from the wheelchair lift-equipped van sometimes parked outside. But there’s never any other vehicles there at all and I’ve never seen anyone in the dirt yard or in the windows.

I’ve come to think of it as the Poligamist’s House because it looks like the ideal place to stash a dozen or so wives and all the offspring they’d produce. I actually picture it as a happy place, with a huge kichen and communal living areas and everyone getting along.

The odd thing about the building is the proportion. A huge rectangular box with a standard gable roof, it could easily be an apartment building with six or eight fair-sized units on each floor, yet there’s no sign or anything to indicate that’s its purpose. And the proportions are off. The ceilings must be 12 feet high and yet the windows are tiny. Not whacko-survivalist-just-big-enough-to-stick-the-end-of-your-rifle-though-tiny but tiny nevertheless. And they’re sparsely placed. To top it off, they painted the whole exterior bright apple green. Perhaps they’re really thrifty, hence the plain architecture, and they got such a good deal on the paint and the few windows available they couldn’t pass it up.

Anyway, I can’t help but wonder what the real story of this place is every time I pass by.

116

There was this rather reclusive neighbor with a wife we knew slightly. She liked to garden in the front yard. Then we didn’t see her any more, and right around that time the husband did a lot of digging in the yard and filled in the garden.

There’s probably no mystery there and I’ve just seen Rear Window too many times.

Also I’d like to know what nocturnal creatures are leaving clawed-foot tracks across my driveway.

117

Why won’t anyone on the other side of the street sweep out the gutters? The street sweeper comes only 2x/month, so the piled up leaves and litter stink to high heaven the rest of the time. They must enjoy the odor.

Why does my next door neighbor have 3 blindingly bright security lights and 3 dogs as well? It’s not as if she’s living on an outpost with rampaging hordes coming for her.

118

Wow. I love this. Tiny ponies!

Susan

119

We have a perverted sex club nearby. In fact this place is so close that we used to walk to it through the woods without having to cross any roads. Of course, it was just an unexciting and slow local business then.

I had heard rumors there was one nearby, one that did not advertise locally, but only nationally or regionally. People travel to visit it, they said, from various distances. There are no signs or anything local, though.

One night I heard a skidding and banging noise, and as there have been a few accidents at the nearby corner, I went down with cell phone and flashlight, and a young man had missed a stop sign and hit a tree while looking for an ATM. He wasn’t hurt but the car looked ruined. He had tags from a state 30 miles away and was dressed in fine formal clothing, neither of which was common for late Saturday night traffic here.

When the cop came, he was very oddly confused about a few things, like not knowing what state he was in, though he didn’t seem intoxicated. When the cop asked him what he was doing, he kept mumbling until repeated questioning finally elicited “I was at the, ah, the club up the road, up that road there.” The cop nodded but we neighbors looked a little mystified.

Later, web searches turned up some hot info. This place has all sorts of specialty rooms, like one colored and lit red with attendants whose costumes had tails with arrowheads on the end and hats with horns, and a room made up like a doctor’s office complete with an exam table and sturrips (sp?), and a room like a middle school classroom, and all sorts of other schlocky and stereotypical stuff. There’s a big disco room, a couple bars, and on and on. You go to this place by prearranging with the staff over the web, after which they will talk to you and tell you how to find it.

Outside, it still looks like another business- which I believe it is, by day.

120

I have one neighbor family who brings home many buckets of fish heads. We are many miles from a fishing area, so it’s not for bait. I think they make soup.

I have one neighbor who has huge piles of free shopping newspapers in his porch and walkway. Fortunately it’s a side entrance so nobody else has to look at it. I asked why he didn’t toss them out like everybody else. He said “I didn’t ask for them, not my job to clean them up.” He must be stepping over every paper dropped since he moved in.

I have one neighbor who will test the car alarm every time he parks on the street. Not the single beep, but the full alarm.