The Netflix pre-summary summaries are fucking TERRIBLE

Cafe Society
1

Has anyone else noticed this? Is it just a PS4 thing?

Netflix shows have two different “preview summaries.” There’s the legitimate one when you select a show, and then there’s the shitty one when you’re just scrolling through your choices on the main menu.

Here are some representative examples, picked more or less at random:

The Seven Deadly Sins (a Netflix Original anime, apparently)

Pre-click version: If you’re gonna fight evil, you’d better find the evilest guys to fight with you. It’s one princess’s best shot.
Post-click version: When a kingdom is taken over by tyrants, the deposed princess begins a quest to find a disbanded group of evil knights to help take back her realm.

Bob’s Burgers:
Pre-click: Can a family’s patties pave their way to success? Not if their kids have anything to do with it.
Post-click: This Emmy-winning animated series centers on Bob Belcher and his ragtag burger-flippers, who are desperate to get their greasy spoon off the ground.

Narcos:
Pre-click: First they got the coke. Then they got the money. Now the Colombian cartels want the power. Let the drug wars begin.
Post-click: The true story of Colombia’s infamously violent and powerful drug cartels fuels this gritty new gangster drama series.

Ultimate Spider-Man:
Pre-click: Recruited by SHIELD to lead an enigmatic teen super squad. The Web-slinger has one goal: Become… The ultimate. (I kept all the awkward capitalization as-is for that one)
Post-click: Peter Parker comes of age in an epic tale that finds him torn between his teenage life and a war between SHIELD and villain Norman Osborn.

And on and on and on. In every single case, the “pre-click” version is a crappy attempt at punchiness that fails to accurately describe the show. In every case the “post-click” version is a concise, helpful summary. The weird thing is that this is a relatively recent development - there used to be no difference between the two. It’s like an important person’s idiot nephew graduated with a degree in creative writing and couldn’t get a job until somebody invented one for him.

I am losing my mind.

2

The first one is a blurb, the second is a program description. Two different things.

The point of the blurb is to get you to read the program description.

3

The only thing those blurbs make me want to do is put my controller through the television.

4

But they don’t. They’re not only inaccurate, they’re unappealing. “It’s one princess’s best shot”? Yeah, I’m gonna watch that.

5

<shrug>You’re not their target audience.

They’re no different from any blurb on a movie poster: mention elements to intrigue the audience and make them want to find out more.

6

What on earth do you mean I’m not the target audience? I’m a Netflix customer and am therefore the target audience. It’s not like only a certain category of shows have terrible blurbs; they’re spread across all genres.

Or are you asserting that you think the blurbs are well written and effective?

7

Have you noticed the movie descriptions on cable (Charter is what I have) are written by different people than the ones who award the stars? I don’t know how many things I’ve read one starting like “This hilarious family-friendly story …” followed by a one star rating.