The oddballs at the library

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

There are a lot of wierdos at my school library. That is probably because it is a joint effort between the college and the city, so it is open to both students and locals. Now when I mean wierdos I don’t mean mentally-handicapped people or anything- these individuals aren’t doing anything out of the ordinary beyond whats expected of them, and they can usually follow the library rules pretty well (stay quiet, don’t bite strangers). Being on the computer, I am privy to many bizarre conversations and moments. Here are some of the individuals I am in proximity to:

The Hitler Brothers- These two gentlemen seem like full-fledged Nazis, they give each other sig heil salutes and everything and talk about how great Nazism is and isn’t it a shame about the state of the American Nazi party? A few weeks ago, these guys got in a tiff and would have regular shouting matches in the library; they were ejected a couple of times and almost banned from being in the library (for the disruption, not for the Nazism). Later, they made up. I had though that maybe one guy came to his senses and was trying to get the other guy around. It turned out the argument was whether Hitler was ‘super great’ or just ‘great’. They mutually agreed that they considered him ‘super great’ :eek:

Simba- Simba is a Japanese guy who I think is a student. What sets him apart is his stuffed Simba doll, which he walks around the library with it stuffed in his shirt save for its head poking out. A couple of times he was pushing a stroller with the Simba doll in it. He likes to pet it and talk to it it in high-pitched Japanese. One time he was doing this right behind me, and his voice was bothering me so much I was tempted to just grab the simba plushie and throw it down the escalator, just to see him flip out. Reason got the better of me. He’s still out there, with that plushy, petting, petting, petting…:eek:

El comadreja- “The weasel”. This is a creepy hispanic man who makes rude comments to women in english (and spanish). He’s often surfing the web for porn (which isn’t explicitly forbidden so long as you are discreet. They have ‘privacy screens’ for the monitors which allow only the user to see the screen). The guy keeps getting kicked out of the library, but I guess somehow sneaks back in. Why this man hasn’t gotten arrest I don’t know, but I’m sure virtually every woman in the library has a restraining order against the guy by now. Some diminutive filipino woman commented she had to go to anger management class, and El comadreja started laughing about it. Ms. Anger Management flipped out and almost beat the snot out of the guy before her friends calmed her down :stuck_out_tongue:

The Raincoat men- These are the actual perverts, prowler/stalker type people whom the library security has been dilligently trying to expel out of the library. They are tall, disheveled men, possibly homeless, who wear raincoats+hood and stare at children. Security has gotten so tight in the children’s section of the library that even male students looking for a book for a project (I have a children’s lit class) get hassled by security if they loiter too long.

The phantom farter- I have never seen what this person looks like, but I know he’s out there…in the third floor of the library in the men’s room, there is someone who is in regular gastric distress. I can be noisily washing my hands and whistling loudly and it still doesn’t mute out this guy’s constant farting. One time I hung around just to see what kind of person could be able to blast ass for so long, but he just kept farting and I had to give up. Why don’t I use another bathroom? Because for some reason, on two other floors of the library, there is a line to use the men’s room :confused: Welcome to the Twilight zone…

Of course, it wouldn’t be fair to admit I’m kind of a wierdo myself here. I’m often wearing my crossing guard uniform (since I go straight here from that job) and I sit at a computer alternating between online research and reading SDMB/Fark and supressing laughter from reading something funny. Sometimes I’ll be reading a book while in the elevator and become so lost in it I’m actually standing in the elevator for 15 minutes while people take the elevator up and down standing nervously next to me :stuck_out_tongue:

And sometimes I try to discreetly pass gas and some 3rd grader identifies me as the culprit :eek:

2

Interesting…have you actually been to these restrooms to see what all the excitement is about?
Maybe they have heated plush toilet seats that play music to cover noises with a back massager built into the toilet lid and on the back of each stall door is a flat screen TV with all the good channels and the paper dispenser doubles as a beer cooler.
Yeah…

3

Don’t make me regret not waiting in line! :mad:

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I’m just sayin’ is all. :stuck_out_tongue:
Otherwise, wouldn’t they just be wizzin’ in the stairwell like at FSU? :wink:

5

Please tell me that you also have your stop sign with you. Please?

6

I know you, Incubus! You use to be featured on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood during Safety Week!

The Hitler Brothers…heh. The image of the Mormon Twins from Ocean’s 11 instantly flashed through my mind.

7

Pssshhhhh…

Those people are nothing.

The real oddballs in the library are the ones in the basement, doing the cataloging.

8

I think it’s obvious that the reason for the lines in the other two bathrooms is they are just trying to avoid the farter.

Maybe the farter does it on purpose to get the bathroom all to himself. You don’t seem to get the hint, so he’s in there with a whoopee cushion wondering what it will take to get you to leave him in peace.

9

In the late 70’s there was also a line to get into the graduate library’s 4th floor men’s bathroom, at the U of MD College Park, especially in the evenings. It was especially odd, in that the bathroom was packed, even when the library was sparsely populated, and the occucpants were mostly just standing around.

I wonder if… nahhh… couldn’t be.

10

Re: Simba,
Reason is overrated. Maybe if you grabbed it and kissed it…

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I love my school library. Nice and quiet, sans weirdos (relatively; every single person at my school is a weirdo). Only complaints are they use the Library of Congress cataloging system, which seems to have no basis in logic whatsoever. Also, people (at a school where EVERYONE reads compulsively) seem to go illiterate when they see the signs saying “Please remove your shoes before putting your feet on the sofas!”

Well, and there was once time when a guy got caught jacking off in the stacks, with Plato’s Republic in front of him. See above re: weirdos.

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To be fair, it was the illustrated edition.

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“Pleasure is the bait of sin”

– Plato (Ancient Greek philosopher. 428 BC-348 BC)

:smiley:

14

Well, if it ever comes down to a banning, they can move to the streets, stop showering, and see if they are allowed back in via the:
“What odors are permissible? At what point can a librarian remove a user on the basis of how that user smells?” loophole.

15

Going for the long shot…

Anyone remember an online comic called Leisuretown? It was done in Photoshop with pictures of places with weird bendy figures edited in. They did a really great comic about the freaks who hang out at the library.

If you’re interested, I think there’s still archives available online. They’re zipped and about 40 meg, but they’re available.

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harmless! You weren’t supposed to tell the men! That set up is only in our potties. Didn’t you get the memo?

17

From that article:

Is there an appropriate stalking behavior of which I am not aware?

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I’m often over at that library at lunchtime, Incubus. That’s a beautiful new place! Now I’m going to have to keep a wary eye out for the Hitler Brothers and the Simba daddy.

I’ll also keep my eye out for a crossing guard, sitting at a computer and snickering to himself.

19

Sigh, it’s true wierdos tend to hang out in libraries (and I am not even counting the librarians :slight_smile: )

Some that I have had to deal with:

Sasquach: Hygene challenged, has very long hair that he tends to cover with a t-shirt worn over his head, of corse his hair sticks out the bottom of the shirt, so he has the excess wraped up in a Dr Seuss hat. Likes to use the internet, meaning that I have to spray the station down with Febreze and disinfectant when he leaves (no I am not being dramatic, he smells that bad)

The Ball Handler: Used to come in every week, and go to a corner and do what PeeWee Herman was arrested for. None of the Female staff were brave enough to confront him (not that I blame them). Three guesses who finally had to!

Queen Elizabeth: Never learned if she was Liz I or Liz II, but regardless she thought she was Queen Elizabeth, and used to hold animated conversations with her subjects at empty tables.

A woman who calls in asking for the phone numbers of record stores, starting with every record store in Pittsburgh, then in the state of Pennsylvania, then New York. I finally told her that I was not going to provide her with a list of every record store in the U.S., and certainly not every store in the world. She did ask though.

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:: wipes away tear ::

That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week.

[Reminds me of Murray Rothbard’s essay on the Objectivists in which he describes the shock Rand’s disciples would fall into whenever a prospective member called her “one of the greatest.”]