Always remember, sex is like a Chinese meal. It’s not over until you both get your cookies.
Tchuh! Proper fortune cookie etiquette: Take the cookie facing you, never give someone their cookie. Break open your cookie and however many pieces it falls into, that’s how many kids you’ll have. Be careful not to rip the fortune or it won’t come true. And if you tell anyone what it says, it won’t come true then, either.
I’ve never heard anything 'bout when to eat the cookie, but that half now, half after rule sounds like a good precaution. Superstition is the glue that binds the universe after all.
If I may offer an unsolicited testimonial, you make some bodaciously yummerrific 'nanner chocolate chip bread! 
Your parable was so sad, and inspiring. I need to have a yard sale and get rid of the remaining crap the previous owners left here.
Shibb, you own banks? :eek: Can I borrow a cup of money?
Kallessa shame on you!
I got nuttin else, except I’ve been jonesin’ so much and so loudly for fruitcake that Missus has convinced me to go over to the Harry & David’s outlet store and get a fruit and nut confection. It’s not really a fruitcake, but it’s so good, I don’t care. It has fruit and it has nuts. So I’ll live with it.
Oh and I like fortune cookies, specially the ones that have a kinda almond taste to 'em.
Fruitcake! :eek: That is the scariest stuff ever invented. I’m trying to remember the lyrics to “Grandma’s Fruitcake.” The chorus is something like:
Well, something I can’t remember that has to do with turkey.
Tougher than a truckload of beef jerky (I think that’s the line).
Drier than a drought in Alberquerque (I’m pretty sure that one’s right).
Aw, heck, guess I’m just gone have to see if I can find the lyrics. It’s a funny song.
Note to the assorted idiots around here:
Stop feeding the fargin’ pigeons right outside the front door of the building, you morons. All it will take is for one of the department heads to get pooped on and heads will roll. Are you really this stupid?
In fact, just stop feeding the flying rats altogether. Why in hell would any sane person feed pests? Jackasses.
No, the banks own me, you see. I have accounts with PNC, BoA and Suntrust. That’s not counting mortgages or credit cards. Yikes.
So you’re saying we shouldn’t ship this order for 150 tons of pigeon chow to Albany? I kinda liked the shipping ticket. It just says Ex ordered it.
If it weren’t completely illegal and very, very dangerous I’d be out there with a shotgun and a flat of shells.
Pigeons piss me off.
I heard this in Cartman’s own voice! Thanks for a good chuckle!
Just a quick note before I start gettin’ things ready for the big Christmas lunch. I knew y’all would get all worried if I didn’t post at least hourly during the day and I’d just hate y’all sittin’ around worryin’ while I’m gettin’ ready to stuff my face. I will report on the festivities when all is done.
YAARRRGGGG!!! I had some farkin’ spyware working on my computer this morning that wouldn’t let me get online till now! :mad: Then I had to go make a crate load of color copies for a client. Why haven’t they invented a color copier that has a feeder tray??? The one-at-a-time rat clap gets really old.
I have very bad short-termer attitude today. I get to go on vacation for a week starting at 5:30 tonite. Not going anywhere; just taking the time to do some house spiffing cause I think I’m hostin’ the family fling on Xmas day. Lots to do, I tells ya. I could use a Samantha wiggle nose right now. Then again, I’d probably abuse it and turn myself into Angelina Jolie or sumpin.
Can’t wait to hear about the swamp fest
Tupug
I am counting the days until I fly home - counting, and counting…
Tomorrow night is company party - and I am going to dazzle - quietly. Just a nice black cocktail dress that I’ve had in my closet and never worn, accessorized with a diamond shoe necklace. I feel pretty already!
(Now that will chase Ex far away from this thread).
Cold has snapped here this week - just hoping it’s alright to fly on the 23rd! I must escape - if only for 4 days.
It’s amazing - people are already clearing out.
Susan
I’m still a little new around here and I’m just wondering… what’s MMP? (I hope this isn’t something that should be terribly obvious. Maybe I’ll give myself a :smack: in advance just in case.)
It’s a little late for news on last weekend, but I was in a work-related class Mon-Wed so I’m just getting around to the SMDB today. I got my tree over the weekend too. It’s the first time I’ve had my very own tree in my apartment. (I always went home to the parents’ for too many days for it to be worth having my own tree.) I went to a farm where they take you out into the field and you pick the tree you want and then they cut it down. That was fun. However…
I got it home (in the trunk of my little car - fortunately it was a reasonably small tree) and dragged it up the stairs myself. Felt very pround accomplishing all this alone. Then I tried to put on the tree stand that I’d “borrowed” from Mom and Dad. Now I remember why they got a new one: the old one had a REALLY small opening. The tree wouldn’t fit! :smack: Ah, well. A couple hours later I got someone I know in the area to come over with a saw to help me. Homemade fudge works well to get people to do stuff for you.
Now this weekend my BF from NC is going to be in town. So no one’ll be hearing from me for a while. 
Have a good weekend everyone!
First, education. taxi78cab welcome! MMP stands for Monday Morning Post. See, Rue and on occasion his designated stand in, always starts a thread on Monday morning that we call the MMP. It can be about anything at all. Then we hijack it for the rest of the week. With anything at all. Us MMPers are a bunch that can and will rattle on over our life minutiae. At times it even gets a little TMI and VunderBob gets all oogied out. That’s when we know it’s good. Rue bestows nicknames on MMPers sometimes. Sometimes not. That’s just him. Oh and everybody especially loves hearing all the minutiae of my life. Remember that.
s_f you must really like those shoes. I mean, buying em a diamond necklace and all.
Now for the blow by blow from the big Christmas lunch, or as Puggie called it swamp fest. If I ever host a Dope I’m gonna call it swamp fest btw.
Much food was there. Waaaaaaaaaay much food was there. So, vast quantities of food was consumed. Much merriment was had. Everybody loved their little ornament presents. Then more food was consumed. Then the bus came and everyone went home. Well, everyone that was supposed to go on the bus, that is. It is now quiet around here. swampy is waaaaaaaaaay full and wants a nap. If I knew I wouldn’t start snoring, I’d crawl under my desk for the rest of the day.
Whatcha have at the luncheon Swampy? We’re having tamales and all the fixings so I’m very happy. Plus anything to counteract the effects of too many holiday cookies-- I’ve got enough sugar in me that I’m vibrating and twitching like a hummingbird in a crack den.
Also, we have pigeon-like animals around here but don’t be fooled! Have you ever seen one fly? No, you have not. Because they eat entirely too much of the food dropped by students during lunch. Couple more generations and those pigeons’ wings will get smaller and then scientists will classify them as desertus penguinus (formerly poopy pigeonus).
We’re fixin’ to have our Christmas party here too. I am leaving work early today though, so won’t be partaking. I did bring in cheesecake.
I was planning on partaking in the X-mas party, but I need to get my new specs. They’ve been ready for a week now and I’ve been unable to leave work early to get them because I’ve had various last minute projects that just had to be done. I worked from 0700-1900 hours yesterday. God, my shoulders and neck ached. My eyes were all googly from staring at spreadsheets and trying to manipulate them into graphs and tables showing trend data.
So, I talked to the boss yesterday and asked if I could leave early today so I could get my specs. Besides, I also need to hit the post office to fed ex something and I need to go to the butcher shop to order my special roast beef. It is to die for.
Well, I need to wrap some stuff up before I leave today…enjoy your weekend everyone!
Ashes[sup]2[/sup], I think it would be dang nigh impossible to list everything but I’ll try. We had: turkey, ham, dressing, giblet gravy, rolls, corn bread, sweet potato souffle, collard greens, mac and cheese, green beans, field peas, black eyed peas, potato salad, baked beans, corn, cookies, chocolate, caramel, coconut and pound cake, chess squares, iced tea and various amounts of soda. I am sure I missed stuff cause there was soooooooo much! I attempted to eat some of all of it but could only manage the pound cake and chess squares for dessert, although earlier I did sneak a homemade peanut butter cookie. Yum!
Tonight I am supposed to go to a party. At said party, the hosts are serving chili dogs. I do not see a chili dog making its way inside me in the near future. They’ll understand when I recite what I had for lunch. Besides I’m taking em some wine so they’ll be happy.
I had Thai coconut cream soup for lunch. It was good, but no lumps! I’m still hungry for something I can chew. I ate a piece of fudge to go with the soup in honor of the season though. My Mom called a couple of weeks ago to ask if she should include the usual tin of fudge in our Christmas package this year, me being sorta diabetic an all.
I said* “Don’t be silly woman, of course you should include fudge. The very idea.”*Well, words to that effect anyway. I didn’t really use those exact words to my Mother, I was my usual polite self, but you get my drift. So now I’ve got this candy tin of fudge sitting on the table mocking me. But I have lots of people to share it with.
Well, I’ve gotta go to the store and cash a check, and then I’ve got a 2:30 meeting, so have a nice weekend everyone.
Why would there be lumps in tom kha soup? Usually there is some meat of some sort, and maybe mushrooms, lemongrass or chilis, but the broth itself shouldn’t be lumpy.
A friend of mine sends something from Hickory Farms every year. Usually I’m sort of “eh” about it, but it’s a nice thought and always a good surprise on the front step. But this year it was just a humonguous tin of cookies! Yum! Now I just need to restock the beer and get a baseball bat to keep all of the bears away.