The perfect crime...

Do highly acclaimed authors who create great murder mysteries, for example, ever get accused of being derranged? What if you do not convert scenes from your mind into dollars by way of a novel does that make a difference in the evaluation of that person’s sanity?

Sounds like you have a good plot for a mystery novel yourself…

I always wondered about Jessica Fletcher on Murder, She Wrote. Ever notice that no matter where she went, someone got killed and Jessica, not a forensics expert or anything, always “solved” the crime? Doesn’t that seem a little TOO perfect?

*Snetho: Do highly acclaimed authors who create great murder mysteries, for example, ever get accused of being derranged? *

<sarcasm>nawww…</sarcasm> :slight_smile:

What’s it matter if they are? Being deranged isn’t a crime. Being a deranged criminal is.

I once saw a thing where the bad guy bludgeoned someone with a frozen roast, then cooked it and served it so there was no murder weapon.


Go figure.

And served it to the investigating officer!

That was Lamb to the Slaughter from Alfred Hitchcock Presents. A woman kills her husband by bludgeoning him to death with a frozen leg of lamb, then cooks it and serves it to the police who are at the house investigating the crime and looking for the “blunt instrument” used as the murder weapon.


“Drink your coffee! Remember, there are people sleeping in China.”

Dennis Matheson — dennis@mountaindiver.com
Hike, Dive, Ski, Climb — www.mountaindiver.com

Here’s a ‘perfect crime’ I thought of that I always wondered about:

  1. Murderer/ rapist is a previous bone marrow transplant recipient from his childhood.

  2. Murderer/ rapist leaves semen at the crime scene

  3. Police catch murderer/ rapist and do a blood test to match DNA to the semen found

  4. DNA doesn’t match and murderer/ rapist goes free because DNA in the blood is that of the bone marrow donor, while DNA in the semen is that of the actual murderer/ rapist but police never think to check

  5. (And for the movie version): Clever, hot looking female district attorney uncovers the truth…cool chase scenes follow…murderer/ rapist is cornered and says something like “I never wanted that transplant, I wanted to die” or something lame and jumps to his death/ blows his head off/ jumps into a pool filled with piranha, or other such fate…

Of course, this is all theoretical. I have no idea if when you get a marrow transplant (which contains the machinery to make new blood) whether it somehow converts over and starts making ‘your’ blood, or whether it keeps making the blood of the donor. Or is it some combination of the two?

Tying in “Lamb to the Slaughter” to the original post, the National Lampoon once published a letter in its “letters” column (all letters were made up by the magazine’s editors, BTW) purporting to be from Patricia Neal, the wife of Roald Dahl (who wrote the original story Hitchcock dramtized) and implying that her stroke had something to do with a leg of lamb.

BTW, those who know Dahl from his children’s stories (“Charlie [Willy Wonka] and the Choclolate Factory,” “James and the Giant Peach,” etc.) should find is books for adults (“Switch Bitch” is a good start). They are >nasty.<


“East is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.” – Marx

Read “Sundials” in the new issue of Aboriginal Science Fiction. www.sff.net/people/rothman

I don’t know, but I think they use hair for the DNA source.

But if you went to Brazil and got a testicle transplant, now you’re set for life :D. Until the hot looking female DA in #5 turns into a love interest, and notices the scar on your scrotum :o. Can you say “Dramatic plot twist”? I knew you could!


It is too clear, and so it is hard to see.

It gets better! You met the hot DA’s on the flight back from Brazil. Her brother had recently been found dead there–with no testicles! In the final scene, she finds out… SHE’S PREGNANT! :o :o :o


It is too clear, and so it is hard to see.