Yes, but assuming cell phone/caller ID - don’t many people these days assume that placing the call is enough? The callee sees that you’ve called and will call you back when it’s convenient to them. No need to leave a message at all.
That’s how I see it anyway. I rarely leave messages with friends or family (and for the most part vice-versa) because I assume that they’ll see I’ve called and that they will get back to me as a result.
For business or professional calls, a different standard applies.
Why should I answer it? To hear a telemarketer? To hear a recording? To hear a blank line, because the robocall can’t find a telemarketer to connect me to? If some unknown caller leaves me a message, I’ll listen to the message. If they can’t be bothered to leave a message, why should I bother to answer their call?
Unless I recognize the caller ID I let the machine* handle it. It’s virtually never someone I want to talk to if I don’t recognize it, and it it turns out to be I’ll pick up the phone once I hear their voice.
*I don’t have voice mail or a cell phone; just a land line with an answering machine.
I have about half a dozen relatives who have not switched to texting and email as the primary method of communication. I answer their calls if I’m just home by myself watching TV or reading.
If I’m cooking or knitting I’ll call them back when my hands are free.
At work I decline to answer obvious telemarketing calls and about half of the suspected telemarketing calls. There are times when my brain thinks “INFO SYS USA could be a client” and I answer against my own better judgement. It’s never panned out in my favor.
If I’m actively engaged in waiting on a client I will only answer a call if the ID shows the name of a client with an order pending, or the school nurse.
When there’s a “situation” going on - someone’s in the hospital, or traveling, or due to give birth any day I answer all family calls right away.
If there’s just a number on the caller ID and no message, I won’t call back. (Exceptions are husband and sister). If it was important it’s not hard to leave a message. If it wasn’t important enough to leave a message about, then why call?
Regarding people that say “why not pick it up anyway?”, I am the first to admit that I could be quite wrong and I just don’t fit the demographics any more of people that telemarketers want to call, and even if I am right it may only pertain to my general area, but I am fairly convinced from my own experience that if you refuse to answer obvious telemarketer calls for long enough that you fall off their lists and get fewer calls. At least, that seems to have been the case for me.
If the call display info is what I would deem invalid (all zeros, 1-234-567-8901, an 800 number, etc.) I never answer. If I don’t recognize it but it is “valid”, I may answer it if I am nearby and in a suitable mood; if they call repeatedly without leaving a message I normally block them with Call Screen (since I consider not leaving a message to be an admission that the call is not important or a wrong number; doing it multiple times defines them as a pest). I have anonymous calls (Private Name/Private Number) blocked outright (we’ve been through the usual reasons why people might want to call anonymously in other threads; the reasons don’t apply in my case).
My phone, my tool - I get to know ahead of time who wants to share it with me.
Sometimes I’ll be on the laptop on the kitchen table, and the phone will ring, and I’ll look into the living room at the TV to see who it is… except the TV isn’t on.
If it’s a number I don’t recognize, I’m not answering it. It’s usually a telemarketer, but even if it’s not, if it’s important enough they’ll leave a message. (They rarely do.) If it shows as private or blocked or unavailable or whatever, I’m not answering it. (Again, usually a telemarketer.) If it’s my mother-in-law or sister-in-law, I’m not answering it, although if my wife is home and I’m closer to the phone than she is, I’ll grab it and take it to her so she can answer it.
Cell phone? I will answer it, even if I don’t recognize the number, since it could be someone from work trying to get ahold of me, or my grandson who lost his phone and is borrowing someone else’s to call me.
My office phone is never answered all calls go to voice mail if I’m there or not. If someone leaves a voice mail it will call me and let me know. My father and I have given our personal cell phone numbers out to customers with the instruction not to give it out. My fathers phone now forwards to mine. I generally do not answer the phone while I’m on the clock at a customers house, I let it go to voice mail and return the call in between job sites. Every number I’ve ever called or have ever been called by gets programmed into my phone book.
When I’m not working if the number calling is in my phone book, I will answer it pretty much anytime I can. If I’m in the shower or having sex they’ll have to wait till I’m done then I’ll return the call. It does wake me up when it rings and I do answer it regardless of the hour. There are a few marketing companies that have my number it never gets answered for them.
Most the numbers calling my phone that are not in my phone book are customers my father gave out his number to. When a number I don’t recognize calls it depends on what I’m how I’m feeling and if I’m involved in anything. Usually I’ll let them go to voice mail so I know who it is and can better prepare for the call back. These phone calls often involve me having to inform the caller my father has passed away and responding to whatever emergency they are calling for.
Stupid cliché; weak answer. What was good etiquette then is still good etiquette now. I’m wholly with Joey P. Otherwise, why have a phone at all? If you’re going to treat it like email, then disconnect it and use email.
I call you, leave a voicemail with all pertinent details. You don’t listen to my voicemail, but call because you see I called you. Why the flip did I leave a message?
And the bane of receptionists everywhere: the person who calls because they saw a call on their ID. “Why did you call me?” There are literally dozens of people who could have called you, perhaps even hundreds. All phone calls from my organization show up on your ID as being from one number. That line rings directly to my desk. No. I didn’t call you. No, I don’t know who did. No, I don’t know what it was about. I have this conversation many, many, times per day.
Not really a question of when for me, but who.
I tend to look at the number to see who it is. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking to the person. Mostly, it is because I’m busy or lacking in the right mood. For example, if it is work, maybe I’m not ready for some question that must be answered professionally. If it is my wife, I will always make time. If it is a colleague, then it is mostly about whether it is the right time to have a conversation.
Because a phone lets you talk to someone verbally, and doesn’t involve typing a letter. And, no, etiquette changes a lot over time. The etiquette being the same with new technology is the exception, not the rule.
You guys must just not get a lot of unwanted calls. Once you do, you stop picking up the phone for just everyone. If I did what you guys did, I’d spend over half my day on the phone. And virtually none of it would be talking to someone I would ever actually want to talk to.
I mean, I think my parents are old-fashioned in that they will always hunt for their phone and insist on checking the caller ID. I wait for the special ring that tells me it’s not an unwanted call. And, even then, if I’m busy, I get to it when I get to it. It’s just dumb to treat something as urgent when it’s not important.
You make a good point. I am old enough to remember our first phone. It sat in the hallway on its own little table. When it rang it was an event. I also remember only three television channels.
Today we have so much information coming at us all the time, that we have to do a better job of filtering the important from the mundane. It’s not rude. It’s reality.
It calls my cell phone, so I can listen to the voice mail. I’ve considered using google voice to have it text to speech email me but I’m not confident it will get names right.
If it’s during a family meal, chances are I will not answer it. If it’s from a number I don’t recognize, I won’t answer it. I spend all day at work on conference calls and a lot of my commute as well. As such, I value time I spend NOT talking on the phone.
I think it was me in the other thread that resulted in this thread. I often don’t answer the phone if I am otherwise engaged. It amuses me that people will get angry with me if they ring me for days and got no answer. “Have you been away?” “Is your phone faulty?”
They simply can’t accept the fact that when the phone rings I think, “Do I feel like talking to someone?” If the answer is no I don’t bother answering. My friends accept it now and, sometimes begrudgingly, put up with it.
It’s just a question of priorities and talking on the phone is very low on my list but last Saturday morning a market researcher turned up at my door. I wasn’t doing anything so I happily answered his questions for 40 minutes or so.
And as regards my original comment about talking to someone when my phone rang, I never interrupt a conversation to answer the phone. Even when I am sitting at my desk at work, if I am talking to someone I don’t stop to take a call of indeterminate length. People near me know to pick it up and say I’m busy.
