The Poetry of Donald J. Trump -- Special Alcatraz Edition

The BBQ Pit
1

“How will you use it? How did you come up with the idea?” a reporter asked the president on Monday.

Well,
I guess I was supposed to be a moviemaker.
We’re talking —
We started with the moviemaking,
And it will end.

It represents something
Very strong,
Very powerful,
In terms of law and order.
Our country needs law and order.

Alcatraz is,
I would say,
The ultimate,
Right?

Alcatraz,
Sing Sing,
And Alcatraz,
The movies.

But
Uh,
It’s right now a museum,
Believe it or not.
Lotta people go there.
It housed the most violent criminals in the world,
And nobody ever escaped.
One person almost got there,
But they,
As you know the story,
They found his clothing
Rather badly ripped up,
And
Uh,
It was a lot of shark bites,
A lot of problems.

Nobody’s ever escaped from Alcatraz,
And just represented something strong
Having to do with law and order;
We need law and order in this country.

[Trump said he hoped to]

Bring [Alcatraz] back
In large form,
Add a lot.

It sort of represents
Something that’s both horrible
And beautiful
And strong
And miserable,
[And] weak.
It’s got a lot of qualities that are interesting.

2

I kind of like the poetry of the metaphysical poets of the 1600s - Johnne Donne in particular. They are weighty, with multiple meanings and inferences, to say nothing of pure poetic rythym and rhyme.

Donnie’s incoherent rambling could be viewed as avant-guarde semi-political free verse, but I would grade it B minus, at best.

3

Trump would be severely pissed to hear of Death celebrating Pride.

4

Nobody’s ever escaped from Alcatraz,
And just represented something strong
Having to do with law and order;
Lack of law and order is wrong

( I changed a bit, for the rhyme)

This could be the chorus of a song.

5

Now this is a story all about why
I saw a late movie and decided to try
I’d like to take a minute, just sit right back
I’ll tell you how I decided to reopen Alcatraz

Sitting on an island in San Francisco Bay,
It housed the most violent criminals back in the day
A no escape supermax locked up tight
Except for one guy with a lot of shark bites.

It’s a museum now, believe it or not,
Some people say that the infrastructure’s shot.
But it represents something both of horror and beauty
And miserable and weak (kinda like yours truly)

So..I..wiped the ketchup from my fingers and I started to text
Reopening the rock is priority next!
Some people might think this idea is insane
But it’s almost kinda normal next to bombing hurricanes.

6

I giggled. Well done.

I hope Will Smith doesn’t sue you.

7

Eh, parody is fair use. I just hope he doesn’t slap me.

Keep that parody of my song lyrics out of your fuckin’ mouth!

8

Well, if Alcatraz is already covered, I’ll focus on Trump’s other recent work; An Ode to Dolls.

Maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls

And maybe the two dolls will cost a couple of bucks more than they would normally

I don’t think that a beautiful baby girl needs — that’s 11 years old — needs to have 30 dolls

I think they can have three dolls or four dolls because what we were doing with China was just unbelievable.

I’m saying they don’t need to have 30 dolls

I’m just saying they don’t need to have 30 dolls.

They can have three.

They don’t need to have 250 pencils.

They can have five

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa

Whoa, whoa. This is such a dishonest interview already

All I’m saying is that a young lady, a 10-year-old-girl, 9-year-old girl, 15-year-old-girl, doesn’t need 37 dolls

9

What if Trump channelled Donne when talking about Alcatraz?

No, mean is an island.

10

Piss stream of unconsciousness.