The Poker Player (A joke)

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill’s wife Sue wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress!

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill’s wife followed and asked, “Did you see anything that you liked under there?.”

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, “Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.” After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn’t, John should be at her house around 2 PM Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill’s house at 2 PM sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. “Did John come by the house this afternoon?” With a lump in her throat Sue answered “Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.”

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, “And did he give you $500?”

In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, “Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.”

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, “Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he’d stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.”

Now is John a poker player, or what?

I liked it.

Here’s one I stole recently:

Dave is being interviewed for a job in public relations and Harry, the interviewer, asks Dave why he should give him the job.

Dave tells Harry, “Well, Harry (they are on first name terms) your company will benefit immeasurably from my networking skills. Also, I know everybody in the world.”

This surprises Harry no end.

“Everyone?”, he asks.

“Everyone”, confirms Dave.

“Without exception?”, queries Harry.

“Absolutely, Harry. All of 'em. There is nobody I don’t know. Try me.” says Dave.

“OK Dave,” Harry responds after mulling things over, “introduce me to Madonna.”

Dave affirms this request is not a problem, and he and Harry go to Madonna’s house and knock on the door. Madge answers in person. She throws her arms around Dave and squeals with delight. She invites Dave and Harry in for drinks and canapes, shows them both around her Pointy Bra museum, makes Dave promise to visit again soon and says she will call him on Wednesday.

“I’m impressed,” says Harry, looking impressed. “But I’m not convinced. Do you know Nelson Mandela by any chance?”

Dave says he’s known ‘Nelse’ for years and he and Harry fly to South Africa, take a taxi to Mandela’s home and ring the bell. Mandela greets Dave like an old buddy and they sit around discussing the good old days they spent in prison on Robben Island. They all get totally legless on genuine South African champagne.

When it’s time to leave, Harry is looking thoughtful. He says to Dave, “Look Dave, I’m almost convinced. One last meeting. If you can prove you know the Pope the job’s yours.”

“The Pope?”, says Dave, “I’ve known him ever since he became a Catholic. Let’s go.”

The duo fly to Rome and take a taxi to St Peter’s Square where the Pope is due to address a throng of people on some religious matter or other. Dave tells Harry that he will join the Pope on the church balcony so that Harry will see he knows the pontiff. He goes to the side door of the church and lets himself in. The next thing Harry sees is Dave and the Pope coming out onto the balcony chatting nineteen to the dozen. The Pope finishes his speech (with Dave’s assistance) and Dave then returns to Harry who, somewhat inexplicably, is lying on the ground being treated by a team of paramedics.

“What’s the problem, Harry?”, asks Dave.

Harry replies, “Nothing serious, just a heart attack. I was fine until this guy walks up and asks me who is that dude on the balcony with Dave.”