North Florida, 34 years old, the same as others have said: I call them mom (or mama, mamacita, marmee, etc) and dad (pops, dad-man, daddio, etc). But when I am asked a yes or no question, I was taught that it is polite to add sir or ma’am when answering my parents, others in authority or older than I, or those I am dealing with on a professional level (even including retail clerks and toll collectors).
My parents were hippies. I was never spanked, let alone beat with a belt. My parents just felt that answering your parents with a “yeah” or a “nah” was impolite.
By their names usually, although often I answer them “yes ma’am” or “no sir”, etc.; or to give another example, “would you pick up your toys please sir” or “would you pass the butter please ma’am”. I think the issue of it being too formal or “distant” is perhaps because people haven’t heard it used in a more intimate, family setting. They’re only words, they can be used in a formal manner or an informal manner, just like any other words.
After mulling this over I realized that usually when we address one another we don’t use any names or titles. Just direct questions, “when does the movie start?”.
For this I’d guess that it is not as common as it was in the 60’s. That is purely anectdotal.
I’ve always found it surprising, considering us Brits are supposed to be so formal, that this prevalence of ‘Sir/Ma’am’ is so much more common in the US. Parents are NEVER referred to as Sir/Ma’am (the Royal family might be the exception here, but not being in the habit of monitoring their private interactions it’s hard to be sure).
The only time I would ever call someone ‘Sir’ or ‘Madam/Miss’ would be:
If I was a school student talking to a teacher
If I worked in a service industry (hotel, shop etc)
If I was in conversation with a member of the Royal family.
And interestingly, the ONLY person I can think of who is called ‘Ma’am’ (pronounced Marm), as opposed to Madam (pronounced Madum) is The Queen.
That’s actually part of my problem with it. While I’m fine with being polite, taking it up to the next level of respect is, in my opinion, too far. Just because someone is an authority figure doesn’t mean they’ve earned your respect.
As for saying they do that to everyone: that’s precisely why some feel it implies distance. Your parents are not everybody else. Despite Ninety’s claim that any word can be used intimately and non-intimately–I really have a hard time with that. Not just with ma’am or sir, but with anything I call someone else. Everything I come up with would be an exception due to an odd circumstance, not a rule. (For example, calling a cop Mr. Policeman because my kid picked that up from a television show, and it tickled the guy to be called something like that. Or someone like my Pastor’s son-in-law, who has a Doctorate, despite being told he would never get one. Calling him Dr. Smith tells him we know him well enough to know that his title is important to him.)
Difference in how we were raised. I am of the opinion that people in positions of authority have my respect until they lose it, not the other way around.
May I ask, at which point does a teacher earn your respect? After a certain amount of time has passed, without negative incidents? Once they gave you the grade you felt you deserved? Just curious.
36, Dutch. I call my parents by their given names, and so do my siblings. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone over here refer to their parents as “Sir”/“Ma’am”. I know a few people who address their parents with the formal “U” (like the German “Sie”) instead of the familiar “je” (“du”). As far as I can tell, “mom” / “dad” is the most common over here. I used to use “mother” when I was really pissed of with my mum.
This is how I view parents who make their children address them formally. Obviously, opinion is divided. ETA: I just remembered I used to address my grandparents on my father’s side formally. I got over it.
When addressing someone I don’t know, I do that. Not that I’ve written a letter in ages. This is the information age My dad taught me that when someone introduces him/herself as “Firstname Lastname” (instead of “Mr. Lastname” or “Mr. FirstName LastName”), that’s an invitation to use first names. I extend that to email conversations.
Never any “sirs” or “ma’ams” at home, but I used them when talking to strange adults. Actually I still use them today. I probably call young kids who work at Best Buy “sir” or “ma’am” without even thinking about it. Family friends were typically Mr or Mrs/Ms So & So.
And even though as I got older, I received the go-ahead to use my parents’ friends’ first names, I still cannot bring myself to using them.
I only call someone sir when I don’t know them but need to address them as in “Excuse me sir, but you dropped your ticket.”
I generally will use the “sir” as a form of respect for anyone who might deserve it unless I know they don’t. That is, I will usually say “Yes, sir” as an affirmative response to a question.
My sons generally would address adults with “Mr. …” unless they were told to use first name. The would use the “Yes, sir” for an affirmative response.
They generally called me by my first name. When my oldest was two I spent a long time getting him to ask “May I have a drink Dad.” When he asked and I gave him the drink he said “Thank you, Tim”.
While there are individual cases where it fits, I seriously doubt any blanket comments that having children say “Yes sir” to their parents says anything about their degree of “asshole-ness” or their relationship dynamic.
My mom’s your age and was raised to do the same. She was also taught not to refer to her parents or another adult as he or she instead of saying something like “Mom, My father, or Miss Teacher”.
I’m 25 and have called my parents Mom & Dad ever since I was a little kid and stopped saying Mommy & Daddy; I was never expected to call them (or even my grandparents) sir or ma’am. Not even the “Yes, Ma’am” or “No, Sir” thing.
Nor was I ever expected to call teachers (or any adult who’s name I knew) sir or ma’am. Teachers were simply Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms X, except for the HS [del]home ec[/del] human ecology teacher who used her first name (much to the annoyance of some of the other faculty) and of course the foreign language teachers who were Mme X or Sra/Srta X.
Never had to sir or ma’am my parents or any adults really, but my dad really didn’t like the kid across the street (my age) calling him and my mom by their first names. It would never even have occurred to me to call the kid’s mom anything other than Mrs. [Lastname].
I’ve never heard a child call his or her parents “sir” or “ma’am.” Like Zsofia I’d probably just assume any parents who make their children do that are assholes. That would probably be an unfair prejudice, but I’ve got no experience with it so it’d be alien to me. Respect has to be earned.
I only said “Yes,sir, No, sir, Yes, ma’am, No ma’am”, to my parents only when I was in trouble and was being read the Riot Act. All other times it was to adults in authority, or who I respected. To my Grandmothers it was always, Yes,um, and No,um, we all mumbled our answers after being yelled at. Grew up in the 60’s & 70’s, up in New England way. My dad was a marine, he never wanted us to call him Sir.
In the 70s it was the “in thing” to call parents by their first name.
Notice how on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” Bess calls her mother Phyllis. And on “Maude,” Carol quite often calls her mother, “Maude.” Even on the Australian soap “Prisoner” (“Prisoner: Cell Block H”) you had characters like Leanne calling her mother Nolene, instead of mum.
In my day of course, we had to call all adults (read: people over 21) by their last names. I would NEVER have thought to address an older person by their first name. But now that is the norm. I have never had a kid call me Mr XXX
Grew up in the 60’s & 70’s, up in New England way. My dad was a marine, he never wanted us to call him Sir.