I called my father “Sir” from about age 10 onwards (switching from “Dad”). My older brother never got in the habit, and continued to call him “Dad”.
And contrary to some of the assumptions people like Zsofia are making in this thread, it wasn’t because he told me to call him that - it was just what I ended up calling him. But hey, if it makes Zsofia feel nice and superior to get into the business of judging other families based on a purely superficial and uniformed understanding of their personal interactions, you go, girl. :rolleyes:
My father sometimes called me “Sir”, usually in response to a beckon. I’d sometimes answer the same way to him calling me. Something like:
Hey Dad…
Sir?
Can you help me with my homework?
It was a politeness thing, really. When I taught preschool, I’d call all the young gentlemen “sir”. It sort of established a respect for them, and what goes around comes around. I don’t think it was distant. In fact, it was the opposite.
I think people don’t entirely realize what it means. When I called my parents, it was “Mama” and “Papa”. But when they called me, I didn’t dare say “Hanh”, which is the equivalant of “Yeah?”. I said, “Hanhji”, which is like saying, “Yes, ma’am?”, or “Yes, sir?”
It was just a term of respect. And people can be assholes even when they make the kids call them mom and dad.
My sons (now teenagers) use “Mom” and “Dad”, although “Yes/No, Sir/Ma’am” aren’t rare, mainly during an ass chewing. Heck, on Monday I was chewing out my 13 y/o and he went into “Yes, sir/No, sir” mode, with no instruction or suggestion from me.
BTW, I use “sir” when addressing them as well. As in “Thank you, sir” or “No, sir” to a request. I’m a career Army guy though, so Sir and Ma’am don’t feel odd or overly formal.
With other adults, they’ve almost always used Mr. [first name] and Miss [first name].
I’m 29 (so grew up in 80’s / 90’s) and had young parents (they were 21/19 when i was born).
I can’t imagine addressing my dad as sir… he’d probably tell me to cut it out.
As we got older my step sister and i always refered to our parents by their first names when interacting with each other (easier than the whole “my mom, your dad” thing). Though we call them mom & dad when addressing them directly.
In our family, there are three boys including myself. My dad has always made us say yes sir and no sir to him and yes ma’am and no “ma’am” to my mom. It is just not optional in our family. Actually, we have to use “sir” and “ma’am” when addressing all adults. Some of my friends have made fun of me for being so polite, but it is not like I have a chance. My parents are strict, but overall they are pretty cool. When you have always said yes sir, no sir, and yes ma’am, no ma’am you do it automatically so it is not a big deal.
Travis R
Sometimes when my boss asks me to do something at work, I’ll respond with a “yezzir,” somewhat in a mixture of gentle humor and respect, and also to show that I recognize that the request is moderately serious (if that’s how I figure it). If the boss responds with a tone of annoyance, I’ll know that I’m wrong, and that the request is very serious - in which case I’ll jump on it that much harder.
I probably did this with my dad, as well. He was more interested, I think, in knowing that we had heard him and were paying attention, rather than in getting any exact form of respect. The best response there was a fast “sure,” or “please repeat that” or similar.
(My mom passed away many years ago, so I don’t remember that so much.)
I’m 49. Grew up in Chicago. No “sir” or “ma’m” in my background–I never called my parents anything but Mom and Dad. Almost all my cousins and all my friends (from a variety of cultural backgrounds) did the same, though I did know a few kids, mostly a few years younger than me, who called their parents by their first names (and had a couple of cousins who called their father Papa and their mother a family nickname).
I remember a comic strip in the Daily News–the Ryatts, I think it was called–where the youngest kids would respond to their parents with “Yes’m” and “Yes’sir.” I thought that was really odd at the time. I don’t think it’s so odd now, as my horizons have broadened. Still, it wasn’t something I was at all familiar with back in the day.
I would humbly submit that anyone who has birthed and raised a child to the age where they can say sir or ma’am has earned respect. That’s not to say they have the right to be iron-fisted slave drivers of their kids, but parents don’t need to continually re-earn parental respect unless they’ve done something serious to lose it.
That being said, I do think that the “sir/ma’am” enforcement does maybe indicate inordinate obsession and insecurity in the area of parental authority.
I was born in '68. My Aunt Pat is “Pat”, my father is “George”, etc. - for some reason many folks seem to think this is a little too familiar :D. And by weird coincidence ( or not ) when my father remarried, both of my new step-brothers turned out to have been raised the same way. Accordingly it seems completely normal enough to me. And I was generally a respectful kid.
The one exception was my maternal grandmother, who for some reason was always “Nanny” ( she was a Virginia-style southerner - she taught me to say y’all and play poker ).