The O. J. Simpson Low-Speed Bronco Bust
The George H. W. Bush Cookie-Toss
The Eddie Murphy Two-Man Drag Race
The George W Bush Pretzel Eating Contest
The Laura Walsh (Bush) Drag Race
The Lloyd Eisler Quick-Work Sequential Woman-Juggling and Insemination Blast-Off.
The Sandy Duncan 360-Degree Stage Presence Expo (it’s as if she had eyes in the back of her head!).
The Tom Cruise Gay-Rumor Fencing: T.C. vs. the tabloids. [An event sometimes contested by Kevin Spacey as well.]
The Gerald Ford Pratfalls – Stairs and Freeform.
The Playing-With-Pain special awards, subclass “Self-Medicating” for Men (JFK) and Women (Liz Taylor).
And let’s not forget the truly unique Bjork’s Managing-To-Outweird-Oneself-In-Multiple-Artistic-Formats Award!
Also:
The Gary Busey Unhelmeted Motorcycle Wipe-Out and Precious Few Brain-Cell Wastage.
The Charles Krauthammer Empty Pool 4m Dive [NB: this event may be performed only once by any given athlete].
The Patsy Cline/Buddy Holly/Big Bopper/Ritchie Valens/Lynyrd Skynyrd Aero Steeplechase.
Yep, definitely going to hell…
The Clalissta/Mary Kate Starve-A-Thon