The salience of multiculturalism, or why tuition is so high.

[glilly]

I graduated from college in '97, and began a master’s degree at the Carlson School at the Univ. of Minnesota over a year ago. One difference between then and now is that a school-supplied e-mail address is required, instead of an option.

This has been useful in school-wide reminders, etc., and as a source of entertainment and annoyance.

I got this little bit of claptrap over a year ago sent to all students, and I have saved it for special occasions. This is one such occasion.

I will share the e-mail in its entirety with you now, broken up for commentary.

Now, remember, this was sent by a university committee. Note the Comp 101 skills that were ignored in its creation:

Mission of the Committee:

Yes, that’s how it starts out. What, were they too busy to start with a “The”? And wow! What an attention grabber! I can’t wait to read the rest!

" Our mission is to raise the cultural competence of the people of the Carlson School of Management around issues of multiculturalism and diversity.

OK, what the FUCK is cultural competence? And how do they raise it around issues of multiculturalism and diversity? Why is it their mission? But that wasn’t the end of the “mission statement.”

The Committee seeks to develop the salience of multiculturalism as a positive benefit and to set the framework for discussion, assess needs, and guide the process."

What process?!? This is one fucked up mission statement – I mean compared to other mission statements even, not just in an absolute sense in the way they all are. “The salience of multiculturalism?” I had to go to the goddamned dictionary to look up salience, and it made so little sense in this sentence that I already forgot what it means.

I have no idea what this commitee is trying to do or why. I’m guessing they don’t either. Or if they do, they don’t want to say it directly. Maybe they think that there aren’t enough minorities or people from foreign countries, which is hard to believe for any major US university. Maybe the minorities or foreigners don’t interact enough with the white Americans (and vice versa) but the committee is too scared to say so directly. Or maybe the university knows they’ll get sued on some racial grounds or other, and this way they can say to the jury, “There’s no racism here, we developed the salience of multiculturalism as a positive benefit and set the framework for discussion, assessed needs, and guided the process!”

As you are all aware, the Carlson School initiated in the fall of 2001 a look at our overall working and learning environment as it relates to diversity and mutual respect.

“As you are all [sic] aware,” First time I’ve heard about it. Either this committee has a big (collective) head, or they sent out a message before and forgot that new people enter the university each year. Of course I would have remembered if I’d heard of it before – “Yeah, that salience-of-multiculturalism committee! Man, if only I could be part of their machinations.”

A committee of three faculty, four staff, three students and two exofficio advisors have been meeting regularly since then, with the strategy to conduct a comprehensive assessment that will guide us through the issues and opportunities we face as a community. Last spring, we retained the nationally recognized firm of ProGroup, Inc., located here in Minneapolis, to assist us in that assessment as an independent third party.

Problem solved. ProGroup is on the case. When you’ve got salience-of-multiculturalism or when you need to raise the cultural competence of people around issues of multiculturalism and diversity, there’s no better self-assesment than what you’ll get when you throw tuition money at ProGroup.

ProGroup has completed a series of executive interviews, faculty, student, and staff focus groups, and an electronic survey completed at the end of our spring semester. Due to time constraints, two focus groups had to be postponed until this fall, and were completed on September 20. ProGroup drafted an initial version of their report this summer, which identified a number of themes that characterize our environment. As the Committee reviewed these initial findings, a number of further questions arose that necessitated further analysis. In addition, the large quantity of openended feedback received from the over 600 respondents to the survey required additional time for review.

Now I’m going from angry to bored. I don’t care anymore how much ProGroup blew of my tuition money on surveys and focus groups. How much can I spend to make them stop talking?

I said I’d print the whole thing, but it’s getting long, and the next paragraph is more crapola about ProGroup, so I’m going to start editing.

First, by simply asking questions and creating a dialogue, we are finding that the Carlson School has more going on in relation to awareness, support and interest in diversity and mutual respect than any one person knows about on their own.

Like what? Oh, no examples? Maybe that’s because when they said “…school has more going on in relation to awareness,…” they had no idea what they were talking about.

The second benefit has been an expectation and willingness to not only improve in areas that we need to address, but to also leverage the unique qualities and personal integrity that each of us brings to the Carlson School. People want answers, they want to be included, they want to succeed, and they want to be respected for who they are.

What area do we need to address? Jumping Jesus, please, just one specific, even an anecdote! I’m dying here! And what does that last sentence have to do with the rest of the paragraph? The rest of the message?

Dean Larry Benveniste recently said in his welcome back letter that with our strategic “customer service” mantra, “it is the people who make the difference in our school.” In addition, it is"this attitude that embodies our commitment to build a respectful community here at the Carlson School. Our’s should be an environment in which everyone thrives."

I’m not sure what that had to do with the rest of the message, but except for the “you can contact us…”, that was the last paragraph.

You know what this reminds me of? Term papers in composition classes by people who did not read the book.

Don’t think I’m being reflexively anti-salience-of-multiculturalismist. There are worthwhile questions to be asked, but, damnit, are there so few questions left to be asked that they have to resort to bureauspeak?

Since these people don’t seem to have a specific goal, they won’t reach it. All that money that could have been spent on intangibles like … books or instructors – spent instead on this bureaucratic circle-jerk.

[Duck_Duck_Goose]

I had to go look up “salience”.

Main Entry: sa·lience

1 : the quality or state of being salient
2 : a striking point or feature : HIGHLIGHT

Yup, that’s what I thought it meant.

So, “The Highlight of Multiculturalism”?

Wha’?

Ah, the groves of academe…

[_possum_stalker]

The reason for all the twisted corptalk is that the school wants to enroll more minorities, but doesn’t want to get their ass dragged into court for the next two years, as happened to the University of Michigan. Wouldn’t you rather have the school waste some of your money in consulting, rather than lots of your money in some crappy lawsuit?

I see you’re in an MBA program, so you should understand all about talking funny to avoid being sued. And you’ll make plenty 'nuff to pay back your loans later. Suck it up.

[glilly]

@'possum stalker

The reason for all the twisted corptalk is that the school wants to enroll more minorities, but doesn’t want to get their ass dragged into court for the next two years, as happened to the University of Michigan. Wouldn’t you rather have the school waste some of your money in consulting, rather than lots of your money in some crappy lawsuit?

I see you’re in an MBA program, so you should understand all about talking funny to avoid being sued. And you’ll make plenty 'nuff to pay back your loans later. Suck it up.

I don’t know, man. Ususally when they want to up minority enrollment, they go straight to the admissions office and start re-writing admissions criteria.

I think I did address the getting-sued thing after quote #3, but I don’t think it’s geared toward the admissions part as some other area of getting sued (which accounts for the surveys and what-not instead of making fuzzy admission criteria).

[Sublight]

Damn, I knew I shoulda gone to grad school.

These guys have attained a level of bullshit babble that I can only sit forlornly and dream of. Even after writing investor relations guides for companies with five years of red ink, I am but a mouse pellet next to this giant, steaming cowflop.

I am in awe. Truly.