The scammers aren't even trying any more-NOT A PARODY!

I just got this in my email(Name given is as sent-really!):

Whatcha gonna do with all that money?

Oops, I sharted!

I dunno…something about that massage just rubs me the wrong way…

Why did you delete her e-mail address? I, for one, would like to see her picture and hear more details!

I’m already shedding tears… how much does she need and where do I send it? [poised with checkbook]

Or at least let her know that things could be worse – for instance, she (presumably) doesn’t have a freakishly distended anus…

“Miss Queen Gonzo?” What, are spammers just using random name generators now?

And, that is an excellent name for a cat!

I receive an actual honest-to-Og Nigerian scam *letter *in an envelope with a postage stamp from South Africa last week. Weird. Emails, sure. Faxes, yup. But snail mail?

It’s worse than that! It’s a brain shart!

How do you clean your brain after that?

Q-tip?

I’ve received ones from Mrs Flora Dumbo (supposedly of Ukraine, although the letter was in Spanish), and Miss Blessed Lama (of Cote d’Ivoire, also in Spanish).

I think some of the scammers are scarcely trying anymore. Rather than elaborate stories, I’ve been getting ones like these:

Was the massage attached?
And yes, apparently scammers have been using random name generators for a while. Or at least, they have no idea how names in long-time-English-speaking countries work.

You know, I haven’t gotten one of those letters for over a decade. Is my spam filter that good, or what?

Oh good you got my letter, now if you could just send me the money we can complete the deal.

Sure, OK. But just so I know its really you, send me another letter to the same address you did last time.

Where the hell did they get the idea that we address each other as “Blessed” and/or “Beloved”?

See? Than it must be real. A scammer would know a little more about his/her target.

Or use better language.

I just got this gem the other day

“I am David Freeman, a principal partner at Paull & Williamsons Solicitors in Scotland.I am contacting you because I would like to request for your undivided attention and trust in assisting with the transfer of the funds of my deceased client as next of kin before the British Treasury can commence the confiscation procedures. I advice that there should be utmost confidentiality in all matters I shall discuss with you because it is only on this premise of reliability and implicit trust in our capabilities that the exact dividends of this proposal will be achieved. Privileged information and official instruments at my disposal will enable this proposal in the right perspective for a 100% successful execution rate, it is therefore paramount for me to be assured of your discretion in handling details of this proposal which I will discuss with you once I receive an acknowledgment of this email from you with the assurance that you will work hand-in-hand with me to see these funds released to you. I await your response which should be sent ONLY to my personal email at bozotheclown.scam.uk
Thanks,
David S. Freeman”

Kinda looks like someone loaded a shotgun with “bigword” shot and aimed it at the screen.

I’m guessing that they’ve discovered they get the same amount of business whether they look professional or not. Or, at least, it has diminishing returns.