The scammers aren't even trying any more-NOT A PARODY!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I just got this in my email(Name given is as sent-really!):
[QUOTE=buffoon]
From Miss Queen Gonzo

Attn Please

Dear I know that this massage will come as a suprise to you but after much consideration i decided to contact you,before we proceed, i don’t know if i have introduced myself to you, I am Miss Queen Gonzo

The reason why i send this massage to you is because i am not safe here due to my situation and my predicament so i decided to seek for your assistance.

I have a serious problem which is an injury that lingers in my soul for almost seven months now and i want somebody who is reliable and honest who will advise or give me a suggestion on how to overcome the crisis. my mother is not longer alive here in abidjan as i am writing you and recently My Beloved Dad join his ancestors though the hand of his wicked brother who call him self my uncle but has turn to be a lion over night to me.

How i wish i will see you now in my country and we talk to each other at present. my father before his death was a chairman of cocoa dealers here in bouake ivory coast,that was when am still a student at the federal college of in Abidjan. but i stop school after the death of my father
because my uncle decided to poison me just for nothing sake,
As am writing you now, all my hope and dream of future was shartered and spread to the sky as i don’t know what to do,

My father left a big amount of money with the bank USD 4.5MILLION DOLLARS, and i don’t know about this, it was on the 10th of october last year that our farmily lawyer kindly hand over to me the documents covering the deposit and the WILL my father wrote and the instruction on
how i will utilise the money, Meanwhile i don’t know what actually what to do with this money because of shartered brain and life line, that is why i contacted you so that you can advise me or give me suggestion how i will handle the inheritance and also help me to transfer this fund to
your account .

And after the conclution of the transfer i will come over to your country to continue my education, Please it is a long story that if i start to narrate them now, you will be start shedding tears over there,
but i will give you more details in your next mail but kindly bear in mind that i need you to help me out of this my bad condition and help transfer this money to his account and assist me come over there for security of my life and the fund and start a new life you
My dear please contact me through my private email so that i will send my picture to you and also give you more details, my private email is (email addy deleted)

Thanks once again and please extend my greeting to your family.

Please i need your help, please i will love to hear from you as soon as possible.

With all my love

Miss Queen Gonzo
[/QUOTE]

2

Whatcha gonna do with all that money?

3

Oops, I sharted!

4

I dunno…something about that massage just rubs me the wrong way…

5

Why did you delete her e-mail address? I, for one, would like to see her picture and hear more details!

6

I’m already shedding tears… how much does she need and where do I send it? [poised with checkbook]

7

Or at least let her know that things could be worse – for instance, she (presumably) doesn’t have a freakishly distended anus…

8

“Miss Queen Gonzo?” What, are spammers just using random name generators now?

And, that is an excellent name for a cat!

9

I receive an actual honest-to-Og Nigerian scam *letter *in an envelope with a postage stamp from South Africa last week. Weird. Emails, sure. Faxes, yup. But snail mail?

10

It’s worse than that! It’s a brain shart!

11

How do you clean your brain after that?

12

Q-tip?

13

I’ve received ones from Mrs Flora Dumbo (supposedly of Ukraine, although the letter was in Spanish), and Miss Blessed Lama (of Cote d’Ivoire, also in Spanish).

I think some of the scammers are scarcely trying anymore. Rather than elaborate stories, I’ve been getting ones like these:

14

Was the massage attached?
And yes, apparently scammers have been using random name generators for a while. Or at least, they have no idea how names in long-time-English-speaking countries work.

15

You know, I haven’t gotten one of those letters for over a decade. Is my spam filter that good, or what?

16

Oh good you got my letter, now if you could just send me the money we can complete the deal.

17

Sure, OK. But just so I know its really you, send me another letter to the same address you did last time.

18

Where the hell did they get the idea that we address each other as “Blessed” and/or “Beloved”?

19

See? Than it must be real. A scammer would know a little more about his/her target.

Or use better language.

I just got this gem the other day

“I am David Freeman, a principal partner at Paull & Williamsons Solicitors in Scotland.I am contacting you because I would like to request for your undivided attention and trust in assisting with the transfer of the funds of my deceased client as next of kin before the British Treasury can commence the confiscation procedures. I advice that there should be utmost confidentiality in all matters I shall discuss with you because it is only on this premise of reliability and implicit trust in our capabilities that the exact dividends of this proposal will be achieved. Privileged information and official instruments at my disposal will enable this proposal in the right perspective for a 100% successful execution rate, it is therefore paramount for me to be assured of your discretion in handling details of this proposal which I will discuss with you once I receive an acknowledgment of this email from you with the assurance that you will work hand-in-hand with me to see these funds released to you. I await your response which should be sent ONLY to my personal email at bozotheclown.scam.uk
Thanks,
David S. Freeman”

Kinda looks like someone loaded a shotgun with “bigword” shot and aimed it at the screen.

20

I’m guessing that they’ve discovered they get the same amount of business whether they look professional or not. Or, at least, it has diminishing returns.