The Rule of Disengagement
Any engaged couple shown having sex in the first half hour of a movie will have broken up before the movie is half over.
Example Jerry McGuire
The rule of burning rubber
Whenever a car pulls away or parks there will be a sound of tyres screeching on the tarmac. Have you ever parked or driven off and made the rubber burn? Its not that easy to do!
Example: too many films to mention!
The You Cough, You Die Rule
Never cough in a move, especially if you are old, you will die of some terminal disease before the movie ends.
Most recent sighting: Richard III
EAT AND RUN
Any chase scene in an urban setting will eventually end up in a restaurant kitchen to the nonplussed reaction of the immigrant staff.
The Rule of Inversely-Numerical Monster Lethality
The more of the monsters that are present, the less powerful, dangerous, and hard to kill each individual monster becomes. Therefore, a single monster by itself is almost unbeatable, but if there are a dozen monsters, each one can be killed easily.
Example: Alien. Alien: Ressurection. Many zombie movies. Quite a few Godzilla movies.
Note: Can also be applied to non-monstrous villains, like evil henchmen or evil stormtroopers/minions. Examples: Die Hard. Return of the Jedi.
The inverse law of Adolescent Supervision: The more freedom a child is given from adult-imposed rules, the more competent they are.
examples: Home Alone, Spy Kids,, et al.
All the time. You just need to be either heroic, or disgustingly evil.
Guess which one I am? 
The “Who Got Shot” Rule.
Whenever there’s a struggle for a gun, the gun will go off, and both the good guy and the bad guy will stand motionless in an embrace for several seconds before the bad guy drops dead.
Bette Midler
Ruthless People
“I’ve been kidnapped by K-Mart!”
The Helpless Heroine Law:
The more pairs of high heels she brings along for a jungle tour, the more likely she will be assaulted by raging baboons (or high colour mandrills).
The Blind Man’s Helmet
In any outer space or underwater scene, the characters’ helmets will have lights shining into their faces so that we can see who they are in spite of the fact that they would not actually be able to see in a darkened area using a design of this type.
Examples: Star Trek, The Core, etc.
The Villains Disloyal Girlfriend Rule
The stunningly gorgeous girlfriend of the villain will instantly fall for the hero, to the point of betraying her old beau. This will frequently happen during a struggle between the hero and the girlfriend, which frequently ends up in an impassioned embrace.
Cites: Most James Bond films, Superman.
The All is Forgiven Rule
After a hero completes his task/kills the bad guy, any and all crimes committed(ie resisting arrest, assaulting an officer, grand larceny) by the hero earlier in the film will instantly be forgotten and forgiven.
Cites: Every fucking action movie ever.
Must Look Back While Running Away From Bad Stuff Rule - whether it’s a gun-toting bad guy or a monster or an alien or a giant boulder or a tidal wave or a wall of flame, you cannot flee without looking back over your shoulder at least twice. Naturally, this leads to an inevitable trip, stumble, or fall.
Cite: any movie where someone is running away from someone/something else.
** The forgibvable infidelity **
A woman may cheat on and lie to her boyfriend/fiance/husband without judgement because he’s just a jerk. Sure she’s betraying their comitment but come on he’s a jerk
Titanic/ most romance fims
** The Unforgivable infidelity**
The opposite rule, if a man is being unfaithful he is a Jerk and is obviously a bad person of poor moral character because he’s cheating and causing her to suffer!
"This guy’s good!!"
Screenplay shortcut that reminds the audience that the cheesy hero is, in fact, a badass. Usually spoken by a good guy that previously had no respect for the hero.
c.f. Every Steven Seagal movie.
** The Pan-Dixie Glossology Rule**
All Southern women have the same generic accent, regardless of whether they are living in North Carolina or Texas or whether they are Bud Lite guzzling pregnant trailer trash or whether they’re sipping juleps on the veranda of a mansion. Southern men have exactly two accents- one for whitetrash (villains) and one for the genteel (villains).
Cite: MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL, many many others
Judging a Jock By His Strap
All high school and college jocks are troglodytes, though some are also steroid abusing date-rapists.
45 degree 45 caliber projectile rule
Guns are inherently more menacing (especially when wielded by young black men) if they are turned on their side, which of course also ensures their accuracy.
Gospel in the Ghetto Rule
In the south, where there is no such thing as a black middle class, black people live in areas with tin roofs and chickens in the road. Whenever a white person drives up, low pitched gospel music starts emanating from the cotton fields. (It’s as if Southern blacks never invented rock’n’roll or jazz.)
Cite: MISSISSIPPI BURNING, GHOSTS OF MISSISSIPPI, HEAT OF THE NIGHT, etc.
Three Simple Rules About New Orleans:
Laissez Bon Temps Roulle 24/7 Rule
Whenever characters go to New Orleans, it’s always Mardi Gras.
Cite: PELICAN BRIEF, JFK, all films that use stock footage
See Pan-Dixie Glossology, New Orleans Chapter
While to casual tourists the New Orleans accent might be one of the nation’s most distinct dialects and one that resembles the Brooklyn accent (due to very similar immigration patterns and ethnic influences) more than the Texas or Mississippi accents, Hollywood producers know that New Orleans natives actually have the generic southern accent with an occasional stock-Cajun thrown in for flavor.
Cite: JFK, DEAD MAN WALKING
View Carre or Bust
Every resident of New Orleans, rich or poor or modern day or antebellum, lives in the French Quarter. There’s plenty of on-street parking there and the rent on a fully modern 2 BR flat with lots of grillwork above Royal St. is easily affordable by professors and working girls.
CITE: Pelican Brief, JFK, Suspect
The Perpetual Funeral Addendum
When in New Orleans, there will always be a funeral procession, complete with Dixieland jazz band and black parasols, when you need one.
Sightings:
Live and Let Die, etc. etc.
if a movie was set in louisiana and the character lived in metairie, who would watch the damn movie? you have to either have the action take place in backwaterswampsville or the big easy. that’s like your parents taking you to orlando for vacation and not taking you to disney world.
same thing with the never-going-to-the-bathroom thing. people do a lot of shit (pun sort of intended) in real life that directors don’t see fit to insert into their movies. i’ve never seen anyone cleaning the lint screen from their dryer, but hell, i do that a couple times a week. never seen anyone flossing, but i do that every day. damn, if i wanted to see real life i’d watch reality television. and i don’t, trust me…