The shoulder is not a frickin lane, or the motorcyclist rants

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m finally really fucking pissed at the morons on I-270 and I-495 in the DC area. The first part is for the dumb bitch last night, the rest if I can keep my blood from boiling over like when I cook pasta will be for every one else.

Last night I’m going home from work. I’m in the HOV lane which allows motorcycles. I’m feeling good since traffic is flowing well. Then I notice some woman driving her big red Lexus SUV. There are two people in it and I’m wondering why the hell she’s not in the HOV lane. Well what ever. Except when I try and pass her she speeds up, then slows down, then speeds the fuck up, then slows the fuck down so I’m always in her blind spot. You know bitch I don’t want to get the fuck run over by you so I’m trying to keep away from you.

Finally I get away from her. She gets over right behind me, why she wasn’t in the HOV lane before I’ll never know, there were no exits and she had been in the other lane for a few minutes, I’m guessing Igor had taken her brain thinking she was dead. Traffic slows in the non-HOV lanes as it normally does. We were moving along pretty well, 65 in a 55. However, once traffic to my right slows to a stop I slow down a bit because I know people like to get over quickly and I want a better chance of slowing down for it. I’m also a few car lengths behind the car in front of me so there’s no place for me to go. She however, thinks that she needs to be the extra 20 feet closer to home and is all of 3-4 feet off my ass. I fucking hate that, with a passion. This leaves me with no options if I need to get out of the way and I’m not really in the mood to be killed by you, whore of Babylon, no wait I have more respect for her.

Then I don’t see her in my mirrors, now I know there is no place for her to go because the other lanes are pretty much stopped, unless she really slowed down. Then I see the bitch, on my mother fucking left! There is no lane there, well there is but it’s fucking my lane not yours. She passes me by a few feet, maybe, leaving me with only one option if something happens, grab a handful of brakes and hold the hell on. I’m glad you got the extra 20 feet if that. Where the hell do you go now bitch there’s a fucking car there. I know that you could see around me and see that but I guess you didn’t care. My cat’s stuffed mouse would of had more brains then you and known not to do that stupid ass move.

So after I get my seat out of my ass I honk and shake my one fingered hand at her. She turns around and starts to yell at me. I have no idea why I’m not the moron. However, now the fun begins. She gets over one lane, it’s time for me to start to get off the highway and I need to get over as well so I get over right behind her. There are three more lanes for me to get over and I’m now more worried about getting over then the dumb bitch. She gets over again so I use the hole she makes to get over. She then goes back one lane to the left, then passes one car and gets back over so she’s in the same lane as me. She gets over again and so do I so I’m right behind her again. I’m not really trying but that’s how it turns out.

Now’s where I start to figure she probably thinks I’m following her, and I can play that out since I can take either of the next two exits and still get home just as easy. She skips the first one and so do I. But then she slams on her brakes, I however am not that fucking dumb, I’m not that close to her and was prepared for her to do something dumb. She gets off on the shoulder of the road and slows down. I pass her and she get the hell back over without looking to see if anyone else it there.

She ends up turning before I can let her catch up again. Personally bitch I hope like hell I scared the living shit out of you even though I wasn’t trying. Even though for the rest of your life you will now hate motorcyclists even though I didn’t do a fucking thing and it was you head full of rocks that was stupid you blame me. I don’t care just don’t ever fucking do that again.

Now for the rest of you dumb mother fuckers. I’m a motorcyclist, I don’t give a shit what you think of me I have the same rights to be on the road as you. With that please don’t:

Fucking follow me to close. I do not need your help in seeing how much tread I have left. At the two inches that you are behind my ass you will not be able to see my lights to know when I’m slowing down. You also leave me with no place to swerve or anything else should someone else do something dumb in front of me.

Don’t just get the fuck over by either not looking at all or just checking your mirrors. There’s a thing called a blind spot, look at it. Even though I try my best to keep out of yours I can not do it 100% of the time. So fucking look it doesn’t take any time really and you can save my fucking life.

Don’t let Opal follow me home because I know that she’ll do both of the above! d&r

Do not, I repeat, do not give me any right of way. I have no idea where this bullshit comes from but if I’m making a left hand turn do not fucking stop in the middle of the road. You see the asshole behind you he has no idea what you are doing and he’s gonna pass you and possibly hit me. I know how to make a turn thank you very much. Also if I happen to come to a 4-way stop and you get there first, fucking go, don’t wait for me I know what a stop sign is. I know how to ride a motorcycle so don’t think you’re being all nice and shit by being dumb.

2

If people speed up to not let me pass, I just accelerate really fast and blow by them and then slow down. If this idiot in her dumb German SUV wants to be a butthole, be a butthole right back. Slow up when she is behind you.

3

Slowing up when someone is riding up on your rear in a car or SUV is dangerous enough. Doing it when you’re on a motorcycle is suicidal.

I (usually, mind you - sometimes it really is harmless) hate it when people “do me a favor” by holding up traffic to let me turn, etc. Follow the rules of the road and don’t put me in jeopardy unthinkingly. Some time last year I saw a car stop to let someone else make a left turn out of a parking lot. The car pulled out and got T-boned by another car in the lane just to the left of the stopped car, which the person pulling out couldn’t see. If I had been turning left, I’d have shook my head sadly at the person who stopped and waved for them to continue.

4

Bah, after I hit Submit I realized that I hadn’t clarified that I don’t ride a motorcycle, only a car, but that I sympathize regardless. BTW, what’s a HOV lane?

5

Actually I did slow up a bit so that I could see around the car in front of me, that’s why she fucking passed me on the left. This is actually the second time it’s happened to me, except once I was passed on the right on a one lane road when there was plenty of room on the other side.

HOV means High Occupancy Vehicle, means that you have to have more then one person in the car. Around me it’s two people in some places, like Virginia it’s 3. Motorcycles are allowed in the HOV lane even with only one person on it.

6

I never thought I’d see the day when a biker bitched about people not driving in the correct lanes.

7

I feel your pain.

Does DC not allow lane splitting? Any time some clown starts this dance with me, I just split lanes and get away from them, problem solved.

8

That was my thought exactly! Motorcyclists are the WORST about using the shoulder to pass everyone when traffic starts to back up.

9

No DC does not alow us to split lanes. And Don’t try it in Virginia as you can get a reckless driving charge which is one of the worst things you can get.

And Tangent, not all motorcyclists are crazy stupid people. Some of us just like to ride and not be killed by some other asshole.

10

[nitpick] Lexus is Toyota’s luxury line – the SUV in question is Japanese (kinda), not German. [/nitpick]

11

Of all the silly nickel-and-dime laws in California, I’m always amazed that they allow motorcycles to lane split when most of the other states do not.

12

About giving the right-of-way: ouch. I still remember taking driving lessons in that car-with-the-big-LEARNERS-sign. I could drive fairly well by then, but while some people might just keep their distance (fair enough), others would stop completely like you describe. Causes no end of complications. I can’t imagine how I’d drive if I felt random people were going to do dumb stuff like that to me.

13

I used to ride exclusivly when I lived in Vegas. People did all kinds of crazy shit. Nearly got hit a couple times and did get hit once.

Then I started carrying a .44 in a hip-holster (its legal here!) and noticed people gave me more room. Go figure.

How is Rap like Porno? Both are better with the sound turned off.

14

I hate to sound like an idiot, but what is “lane splitting?” Is it what it sounds like: Driving between two lanes?

15

That’s what it is, PoorYorick.

Here’s a FAQ from the CHP website:

“Safe and prudent” being the key. The usual rule is that if traffic is crawling or stopped you can do it, but if it’s moving along ~the speed limit you shouldn’t. Personally, I only do it if there’s a crawling traffic jam. Gambling on the expertise of Bay Area drivers isn’t anything I recommend.

16

This is the dumbest move I’ve seen, and I was that asshole behind that moron who just assumed he was stopping for some reason, so I went into the next lane to pass, I had no idea what he was pulling. The motocycle guy, thankfully enought stayed put and just waved to the moron to drive on, and allow him to make his left turn.

Afterwards I realized what happened and also realized that the moron who stopped to allow the motercycle to make a left is a moron.

17

Get a “tankbag” and put a dozen 1" ball bearings inside. When getting “tailgated” take one out with your left hand and put your hand back on the grip. OOPS,dropped the bearing on the pavement. Guaranteed to back’em off.

18

Uhh, no thanks. I rather value my life and while there are some really bad morons out there I’d rather not be one of them. Plus if they don’t get off my tail when they almost hit me getting hit by something isn’t going to change that.

kanicbird, that’s what I mean, you can’t always see what is going on and neither can I. I’m waiting for the day that someone comes around to the left right at me because there is no other lane.