I had thought up an idea for an episode called “A Very Special Sweeps Week Ratings Grabbing Spectacular!” –
It begins with Homer, Bart & Lisa watching t.v. Marge comes home with – a new haircut! The family makes a fuss about Mom’s short new ‘do. Marge says she’s exhausted and lies down on the couch for a nap. We hear the sound of a harp strumming (the kind of strumming normally heard as tv sitcom characters drift off into dream/fantasy scenes.) Marge is ‘awakened’ by the sound of it – the harp is being played outside by Special Guest Star Reese Witherspoon! She wave to them and says “Hi!” (Why she is playing a harp on the Simpsons’ front lawn is not addressed.) As Reese continues strumming, Homer ponders the many famous celebrities whom the family has met over the years – a Clips Montage follows showing Past Guest Stars.
Suddenly, Skinner & Mrs. Krabappel drop by to invite the family to their wedding. Bart asks why the couple would want to invite HIM (their mutual nemesis) to their wedding – because they were hoping to have the wedding in the Simpsons’ back yard! Then, Ned Flanders & his new girlfriend drop by – they are getting married too and want to have a wedding in the Simpsons’ back yard! Skinner & Krabappel, and Ned & his girlfriend agree to have a double wedding. Homer ponders all the weddings that have taken place over the years – cut to Clips of weddings. Bart remarks that all the reminiscing reminds him of a cheap “Flashback episode” from t.v., the kind that normally makes him long for a commercial break…
The show resumes as the wedding plans are taking place. Homer gets a phone call from the rest home, his father is dying! The family rush over and Homer & Abe have one last quarrel, Abe strangles Homer with his last dying breath.
A funeral takes place. Homer’s half-brother (voiced by Special Guest Star Danny Devito) returns. Homer reflects on all the deaths in Springfield. Cut to Clips of funeral scenes.
A will is read wherein it is revealed that he was the half-brother of C. Montgomery Burns, the father of Mr. Van Houten, and the uncle of Sideshow Mel!
Abe was also independently wealthy, and leaves Lisa everything! Lisa decides to use her money to build lowcost housing for the poor in Mexico. She bids her family a fond farewell, and (accompanied by Milhouse & Ralph) leaves town. Marge wonders what will become of her baby, “dunno” remarks Homer, “but funny how much this seems like one of those tv episodes that are set ups for spinoff series!”
Commercial break, featuring a fake promo for a new fall series called “Lisa’s Mexicali Blues.”
On the day of the double wedding, the Simpsons are surprised when Jenny Simpson arrives on their doorstep. Jenny is Bart’s cousin, and she promptly moves into Lisa’s room. Jenny plays a clarinet and spouts Republican rhetoric. Rev. Lovejoy gets sick at the last minute and the wedding is presided over by Special Guest Star William Shatner, who happens to have an internet-received reverend’s license, and happened to be walking by the Simpsons’ house. Skinner & Mrs. Krabappel marry, but Ned’s marriage is stalled when Maude appears on the scene! She never died after all!
Smithers chooses that moment to come out and annouce that he’s gay, and that he loves Mr. Burns. Inspired, Selma declares that she’s gay and in love with Lunchlady Doris. Patty confesses she has remarried Sideshow Bob, who walks into the yard (voiced by Special Guest Star Kelsey Grammer) and promptly whacks himself in the face by stepping on a rake.
Mr. Burns announces that he’s bought the Simpson family property and is converting it into a golf course, Homer tells Marge they will be moving into an new apartment in Hollywood – and everyone in Springfield is moving with them! Marge is beside herself with dismay, it’s all too much and she stomps away. She steps on the rake and whacks herself in the face as well, only to black out. Maggie takes the passifier out of her mouth and says “Cripes! Mom knocked herself out!”
We fade in on Homer & Marge in bed. They are extremely crudely drawn (like they were originally.) Bart, Lisa & Maggie (who can’t talk) walk in. None of them have any recollection of people like Mr. Burns, Smithers, the Skinners, the Flanders, Barney Gumble, or weddings, funerals, or anything else that happened in the past 14 years.
“It was all just a dream!” Marge happily gushes. “And now back to the Tracy Ullman Show…” a voiceover announcer states. “Who was that?” Homer asks.