The “horka-horka” noise has got me flying out of bed toute de suite a time or two, but apparently a dog puking in the bed doesn’t do it.
I once woke up to discover my head covered in dog vomit. My little dachshund had quietly urped on my pillow during the night. I never heard a thing.
Not a great way to start the day. But that’s when you understand how much you love them.
The one I hate the most is very quiet a gentle flap of wings followed by noises at the screen on the window. I means another bat has somehow gotten into the bedroom. We’ve lived in this house 40 years and have had more than a dozen bats inside. Fortunately none in the last 5-8 years so maybe my vigil is over.
Yikes! That hasn’t happened, but I’d add savage hammering on the back door as a contender. Also waking up to see a man at the window watching us sleep, but that’s not a sound.
I still recall the thing that got me out of bed the fastest, even 55 years later. Our 2yo daughter Becky had never climbed out of her crib. There was a changing table next to her crib. So one morning, my wife and I were lying in bed trying to find enough energy to get up when suddenly heard from the next room, “Becky is on the changing table.” That got us both out of bed toute suite. She was indeed on the changing table, but nothing else happened.
Apparently for me, one is when a studio monitor dies and starts going “WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP” at about 40HZ. It’s a 100W monitor and was shaking the house. I jumped up, identified what was making the noise, and unplugged it immediately. At that point, I realized I could make tea on the back of it.
The whisper-quiet sound of a spider as it slithers down its silken thread like a ninja and gently settles on my arm hairs *plop*
That has happened multiple times, and each time the reaction had to be instant and conclusive.
For me, it was the long, slow, “Bloop” from the toilet. I was already awake since it was about time to get up anyway. So I went into the bathroom dreading what I would see. I approached the toilet and saw nothing amiss. With trepidation I lifted the lid and found…
…a RAT. Had fun that morning catching that rat as it leapt all over the bathroom.
Only one thing worse than walking towards the kitchen and managing to step (barefoot, of course) in a cold pile of cat puke.
And that’s stepping (again, barefoot) in a pile of cat puke, still warm.
Honorable mention goes to the child returning home late at night on a summer evening. The dew has already started to collect on the grass, and the barefoot child ÷njoys the cool contrast to the boiling heat of the day
Until…
CRUNCH! SCREAMING! WIPE-WIPE-WIPE!
Inside the house, one parent turns to the other. “What was that all about?” Other parent answers, “That’s The Kid on her way home. She just stepped on a snail barefoot.”
~VOW
I pondered this post again and again as I lay awake last night.
I’ve been that little kid. But with a slug.